Is it normal my mom acts this way?
Since I was little people have been telling me that I was really close to my mom. I'm older now and have no memory of any moment I spent with my mother. I don't remember any activities we've done together or any affection she gave me. I was recently talking to my father and I told him that I have no feelings at all for my mom. Harsh but true.
When it comes to my parents I don't really feel as much love for them as a child should.
Though I have more love for my dad than my mom. My mom, ever since I was young I remember she was always busy, when she was not busy going to school and going into random buildings to fill out papers she was busy with my step father who is now her ex husband. I would try to get her attention but her ex husband would always tell me to go over there and my mom wouldn't do anything about it. Even today she is busy with work and her new boyfriend. She makes many promises and breaks them and she's just gone a lot. I don't like depending on her for things because she doesn't fu-fill them but she is my only guardian at the moment and I have to rely on her. I hate asking for anything. I don't like to blame people but her actions in the past have caused me and ESPECIALLY my older brother to have emotional problems. Now I'm not gonna make my mom look completely like a bad guy so I'm going to list some good things she's done for me. Keeps a roof under my head and feeds me food.
Now my father. I have sympathy for him and what he has gone through with his kids. Being me and my older brother. My step father would abuse my older brother, child services were called and we were separated and put in foster homes and blah blah blah. But basically once we were in a foster home for a week or two we were taken out and my grandmother had custody of us and I'm very thankful for that. My father would visit us everyday and he wanted to be in our lives and he would love us and give us affection and buy us as much as he could even though he got payed very little working at a barber shop and my grandmother too had a big influence on our childhood and I have a lot of love for her because she taught me how to read. I couldn't read and I was 7...Thanks mom. Anyway, my grandmother would spoil me a lot and I felt weird. She would tell me "Your such a good girl, you deserve the best." I felt like I didn't deserve things even though I didn't do anything wrong. I don't know why. As I grew older I've had difficulties socializing. I had a bad case of social anxiety and whenever adults would talk to me I would start crying. I don't know why?
I moved away from my dad. My dad is very angry at my mother for moving away when she wasn't supposed to and putting him on child support when he paid her more than what child support asks for. He can't drive or go to school to study more about cutting hair to get his license. He gets paid very little and can barely buy food. He too promises stuff but never fu-fills it but i don't mind because i don't expect him to. I talk to my dad over the phone and even though I haven't seen him in 6 years its still like he's a parent. He gives me advice and tells me he loves me and calls me everyday. I've pretty much grown out of the whole social anxiety phase and became a loner. I have confidence now and I'm a lot more happy. It still bothers me that I cant depend on anyone though. I've also noticed that I just stop caring for people who hurt me and cut them out of my life.
Is this a normal way to cope with things?
Have I fully coped with the things that have happened to me?
Is this a case of childhood abandonment issues?
Sorry that this is so long. Thanks for your help. :)
If you have any questions feel free to ask.