Is it normal my friend is this obsessive?

20% Normal
16 Comments

I have this "friend", I have known him for about 5 years now, and from the day I met him, I have made it perfectly clear that I have absolutely no romantic interest in him what so ever.
At the time we met, I had a boyfriend, who I am now happily married to.
However this guy just does not get the hint. He constantly texts, rings or emails me to ask to meet up, he sends letters to my children, even though they are very young and cannot read yet! (one is two the other is a couple of months) He has taken it upon himself to call himself their uncle, which i find creepy. He turns up to my house when he knows my husband is at work. I have kept the curtains closed and pretended not to be in, but he will sit outside the front door until my husband gets home from work. My husband then has to lie and say I'm away for a few days visiting relatives.
On several occasions he has sent me Facebook messages asking me if there is any chance between us and the messages have been getting more and more depressing. They make me feel incredibly guilty as he's started threatening suicide, saying he can't bear the thought of living without me.
I don't understand why he is doing this, as i have said I have NEVER given him any reason to believe there was ever hope for him. I've even tried introducing him to other girls, but he ignores them.
My husband helped him set up a dating profile on some dating website, but all the girls he picked to talk to, resembled me in some kind of way, not just via looks but personality too, so naturally this is really upsetting me.
I have tried to cut all contact with him, but he manages to find my number through mutual friends, or he'll send me a Facebook message saying he is going to end it all if i don't speak to him.
Is this normal? What should I do?

Voting Results
20% Normal
Based on 70 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    You need to tell him to stop talking to you. Regardless of his feelings, you need to be rid of him. He's stalking you. He will not stop this. Tell him he needs to leave you alone, you have no feelings for him, you won't develop feelings for him, and you cannot be friends because he'll never grasp this. The next time he contacts you, Call The Police. Get a restraining order. Do not screw around with this, he's irrational and could hurt you.

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    Firstly, your husband is a very understanding guy. If some asshole was constantly hanging around my wife, trying to convince her to be with him, I would beat his ass. Actually, why hasn't your husband told him to beat it?

    If your responses to his advances are less clear than: "no, I am not interested in you at all, please leave me alone or I will call the police." you have not been clear enough.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    No, it's not normal. File a police report.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    How did he get your home address, cell number, and email address?

    His persistence does seem creepy. But if you've ever considered him friend, them maybe he thinks of you as a friend too and maybe doesn't know how to interpret your avoidance as rejection. I think you need to confront him and tell him you do not want him in your life whatsoever. You should probably have your husband nearby when you do it too.

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  • Faceless
    11 years ago

    Um. Don't talk to him and see if things sort themselves out . Maybe he'll leave you alone forever.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    If he continues trying to get with you get a restraining order. Also if you are just friends he might just want to be there for you. This kind of reminds me of the thing in twilight. I know sorry to bring up the horrible movie but its the same situation.

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    • ltshinysides
      11 years ago

      Already have a restraining order as i am worried about the safety of my family. I think he is mentally unstable and I don't want him near me. Maybe in the future I might talk to him again, but he would have to be over this obsessive state.
      Never could bring myself to watch twilight!

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      • 1000yrVampireKing
        11 years ago

        Well in the beginning the wolf and vampire are fighting over Bella. In the end the wolf loses and excepts it but he still wants to be their for Bella and her child. He still loves Bella but has excepted they will never be together.

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  • ltshinysides
    11 years ago

    All done. None of my friends liked him so they don't speak to him anyway. We will see what happens.

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  • SkullsNBones
    11 years ago

    I'd suggest telling him very firmly to leave you ALONE. Over the internet or via text, not face to face. Delete him online, block his phone number and if he comes to your hosue call the police. Tell all your friends that you are avoiding him and ask them not to disclose your information to him.

    If he is persistant I think you may need to consider a restraining order.

    As for the suicide threats ignore them, it's just his way of trying to manipulate you.

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  • ltshinysides
    11 years ago

    Thanks everyone, I got a restraining order against him, he is not allowed to call me, visit my home or home town so he can't hang around in the hope he will run into me.
    Before the restraining order, he sent me a letter threatening to harm himself if I did not talk to him, I was worried at first but I made copies of the letters and passed one on to the police and one to his parents so they can watch him.
    They told me he'd done this before when he was a teenager, and he tried to hang himself because he was rejected by another girl. I just don't understand what can make someone so obsessive?

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  • crazy_asiknowit
    11 years ago

    these type of people commit crime too sometimes.suggest him to a psychologist.he needs help.and be careful plz

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  • ltshinysides
    11 years ago

    Thanks for all the help. My husband isn't a violent guy but he really does wanna hit this creep. We've decided to just ignore him even if he does threaten suicide because it is not fair on me or the children, as for him coming over I'm going to have a good friend over who will answer the door a d say I'm not in. My decent friend has lost it with him before and has actually hit him so if she is the person he sees at the door, he won't hang around.

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    • meowpower
      11 years ago

      If u keep beating around the bush nothings ever going to get anywhere. I had a friend who had the seriously creepy guy stalk her. Threaten. Etc. Avoiding the situation isn't going to get you ANYWHERE. hell keep persisting. With my friend she finally got rid of him when that creep brought a KNIFE in a threat to kill himself if he cudnt b with her. Give it to him straight. Obviously he's just talk if all he does is make threats. But since u nd ur husband really do care there's a suicide hotline nd plenty of options to help this guy. JUST BE FRANK. We will NEVER get involved. I'm married. I have kids. So selfish nd stupid if he thinks about trying to get u..

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  • ltshinysides
    11 years ago

    We met at university and he got my number through a group project we had to do. I've changed my number since, and have no idea how he finds these things out. Fortunately he's on pay as you go now so he can't contact me as often. The only reason he knows where I live is because he found my home town via Facebook ( which Is my fault I know) and he ran into someone I knew, telling them that I had invited him over for drinks and that he couldn't find my house, seeing as he was nearby they believed him.
    I would have been happy to stay friends but I feel so uncomfortable around him. How would I tell him to leave us alone? In going to feel bad either way!
    Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      You really need to confront him and tell him to go away. If that doesn't work then you should go to the police.

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