Is it normal my fiance gets impatient and angry over minor things?

47% Normal
8 Comments

My fiance has always been very emotional and extremely easy to have her pissed at me. I used to think it was bad PMS, and she does have bad PMS but when I determined when she gets frustrated or angry at me I learned that the timing of her period has nothing to do with it. I'm very calm and have tons of patience for her and there were plenty of times I've had to basically cover for her after she makes someone feel bad or is rude enough to me in public that it affects others. I've come to accept that emotionally we are opposite.

My problem are the things she gets mad at me. I feel like they are mostly universal to relationships but I don't know. For example, today we are working together and boss is treating us to lunch. We ate light and split a burger w/ fries and a drink. I ask her "what soda do you want?" and she says, "oh you choose," so I pour Mt. Dew. When we sit down to eat she gets flustered and mad that I got Mt. Dew. "Do you want something else?" I ask and she says, "Oh no it's fine" in a very condescending and bitchy manner, refuses to drink it until I get another soda. Later her reasoning is along the lines of "well we don't even drink mt. dew."

I barely drink soda at all. I don't stock it in my fridge. I don't care what kind of soda I'm getting, it's all the same sugar to me, it could be pork sausage flavored for all I care. This sort of moment happens a lot with us and she makes me feel like I'm her bad child or something. What I got out of it was that in her mind I should know what kind of soda she wants without having to ask her, which is crazy since she's always telling me we need better communication. And when I do what she wants and act for myself she gets mad about it, and if I act while trying to get her opinion she gets mad in a different way. When she's mad at me she wants me to tell her the problems I have with her, and when I do that she gets even more mad. Is this normal, is she selfish, or am I just stupid?

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 19 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    That's so awful you're being treated like that.

    She doesn't seem to want you to be yourself at all, not really. She says you need improved communication, but it seems more like she only wants you to understand how she expects you to think and act around her. She probably wants you to be constantly aware of her needs and expectations--and this awareness needs to be part of who you are, a.k.a. "being yourself". So maybe she wants you to be her version of you, not the You who you already are.

    You could talk to her about how you feel and ask her why she treats you this way (has she lost respect for you?). You need to figure it out before you get married because it's one of those things which will only get worse with time. She cannot control you, you are not a child; she must she accept you as you are.

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    • dom180
      11 years ago

      This is a really great answer. I don't really have anything else to add :P

      +1

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  • auzzyss
    11 years ago

    I had a fiance just like this. To be blunt, get out while you can. There are always major underlying issues that are causing this. Is you can't bring yourself to leave her you guys are going to have to do alot of work with a councilor to work out the issues. I know love comes into it but sometimes it better to just walk away and know you tried your best. People won't change if they don't want to.. I wish you all the best..

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Slap her with a splintered ruler.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I work with women like that!!! Some women have it built in, and some women are stuck on a negative down hill road. If it's number 2, which I feel liek it coould be, I recommend talking to her. I knwo you said you tried, but this time start out by telling her that she tells you tell her things, but she gets mad everytime you do, and it's starting to feel liek you can't talk to her. At this point she either gets mad, or listens. If she gets mad, tell her that she's doign just what you described. Do ALL of this in a calm manner, no anger or rude undertones. If she's willing to listen at this point, gently tell her what she does, and ask her if she could try and control her temper. When I say gently, I mean pansy ass it like crazy!! It's hard to get past that first barrier to actually get them to listen. If she doesn't respond well, and she's being a bitch about you trying to make things better, put up a front!! Be quiet, ignore her, get mad about little things. When she asks wha's up with you, tell her your sick of being treated badly, and it's got to stop or she's going to lose you. One of these is bound to work. If not, she's a hopeless case... The first one I mentioned before... Luck to you!!! Women are tough to deal with.. I know, I am one lol

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    Man has complained about this since the dawn of time. Some women just can't be reasoned with. And when she finds herself on the losing end of an argument, The Bitch will really rear her ugly head.

    So in that sense it's completely normal. Is it necessarily healthy? No. The only advice there really is to give is that you should try to have a calm talk with her about this. Although, you are risking that The Bitch shows up again. And in that case, the only options left are counselling or leaving.

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  • crazy_asiknowit
    11 years ago

    she needs anger management

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  • Ghost-of-the-Marlboro-Man
    11 years ago

    He needs a smoke to calm his nerves.

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