Is it normal my daughter has future plans and my son does not?

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15 Comments

I am the proud mother of a daughter, age 15, and a son who is 18 and a half. My son was recently expelled from high school, and has skipped his senior year and gotten his GED. My daughter is a freshman in high school currently. Both of my children are shy, and have some anxiety. I've noticed my son who should be making plans for the future has done nothing. When I ask what he wants to do for a living and he shrugs his shoulders. He has never Had a girlfriend or an interest in girls either. We requested he take his GED test and he passed with flying colors, but has no motivation. My daughter on the other hand has lots of plans for the future. She has an interest in boys and plans on moving to a bigger city. Even though she is a freshman and he should be a senior, she has all of her future planned out and everything while he doesn't. Is it normal that my son has no plans, yet my daughter has lots? It seems it should be the other way around.

Also if you could comment what age you were when you began making plans for the future? I'm really worried about my son, he doesn't seem to want to do anything. My husband says that we will give him a year to figure things out, but I don't understand why he wouldn't want to move out in the first place?

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85% Normal
Based on 47 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    Let him see a therapist, not a psychiatrist. I say this because therapist care about treating the person as a whole, while Psychiatrists only care about writing prescriptions. A therapist who specialises in your son's problems should be able to help with his social anxiety, academic transitions, etc.

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  • anti-hero
    10 years ago

    "I am the proud mother... My son was recently expelled from high school..."

    Wonderful.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      He was expelled for not getting his homework in and not passing. Its a very strict school, and hes a really smart kid. He got his GED, so why would I not be proud? I love him for who he is and thats all that matters.

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      • anti-hero
        10 years ago

        Pride goeth before the fall.

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    • macaroniheyo
      10 years ago

      So should she NOT be proud of her own kid? He did agree to get the GED at least, and he did well. That has to count for something.

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      • anti-hero
        10 years ago

        The word proud is over used.

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  • Thatguy777
    10 years ago

    I'm kind of in the same position as your son. Almost 19 with absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life. It really sucks ass how you have to decide how you're going to spend you're entire fucking life at such a young age. The brain isn't even entirely matured until you're in your 20s, and I'm sure that's why so many people regret their career choices in the long run. I've had absolutely no success with girls either. Hopefully my parents don't think I'm gay, but it's really hard for me to get girls to when notice me, especially when I'm really short and barely muscular. I have little self-esteem, and after constant failures, I don't even try to talk to girls anymore. Your son has probably had somewhat experience with girls, but he doesn't like to talk about it. I never wanted to tell my parents anything about girls.

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  • Hugh*Janus
    10 years ago

    I have trouble planning even one hour ahead. It's not that I don't have some direction or ideal scenario but I just prefer to let things happen and act when necessary.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It's great you're worried for your son, it doesn't sound like he has developed a healthy level of self-esteem yet and is therefore not ready for the adult world.

    It doesn't matter that your two children were raised under the same roof with the same parents, everyone is an individual with different temperaments. What makes one child blossom, can have no effect on another child.

    Another thing to keep in mind, is the influences on the child from outside of the home; once children hit puberty, their peers and school-life increasingly become the predominant influence in their lives. Sometimes kids don't even have a peer group, they are so isolated they only have themselves or a few connections they've made with people online. It happens.

    Hopefully, neither of your children have ever noticed you or your their father comparing the two of them - that can have devastating psychological consequences for the child that is coming up inferior. Shaming him for not being ambitious would be another huge mistake, so hopefully that hasn't happened either.

    He would likely benefit from seeing a counselor for a few months. It can be expensive, but some psychologists work on a sliding pay-scale. It's okay to shop around for a psychologist in order to find one that you think will be a good fit for your son - you'll be paying for their services, so might as well make sure it will be someone who will connect well with him.

    If you don't want outside help, then it could be helpful to do some research on how to help teenagers who suffer from social anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression. Be patient and understanding so that he doesn't feel like there's something "wrong" with him. He's likely harder on himself than you might think, even if he never vocalizes it.

    It's really great that you care so much about him. :) Good luck.

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  • Lilbit2much
    10 years ago

    Women are more sentimental about life and it's plans. Men just take it as it comes along. That is my experience.

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    Perhaps, you consider getting him an LGBT friendly therapist since you seem to think that he is gay. There's nothing wrong if has shone no interest in femmes and it doesn't have to mean that he's gay. Be a little but more open minded. Your son is probably also depressed. He probably doesn't want to go to college because of his social anxiety.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I dont think he is gay, nor do I have a problem if he was. It just seems that a boy of 18 should have some experience with a woman, or even a man. He has a person he goes to to talk about things, but he claims he doesnt want to be viewed as different or special than anyone else and refuses medication. Im more so wondering if he should have plans by now, not so much his personal problems

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      • Avant-Garde
        10 years ago

        Oh, I see. The way you wrote that part in your post made you come off as a fuddy-duddy. You know, it is possible that he is Asexual. It is great that he doesn't want to be on medication. That stuff is dangerous. Still, if you haven't already I think you should talk to him about seeing a therapist. Good Luck.

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  • SkyDance12
    7 years ago

    Well I'm a girl, and I started making tons of plans for myself when I was in middle school. But my older brother didn't know what he was doing with his future until he was 19 almost 20. It might just be a girl thing since we are more organized then guys most of the time. I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure he'll figure out soon.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I don't know him, or you and your husband, obviously, so just from the information you've supplied, I'd either charge him rent or boot him out.
    It's time for him to learn to stand on his own two feet and IMO you are doing him no favors, allowing him to freeload off you for the next year.
    Having nothing to do and lot's of free time is a recipe for trouble; legal, drugs, etc.
    He doesn't need to have plans, but he does need to be occupied.
    Ho, ho, ho, it's off to work he goes.....

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