Is it normal my boyfriend wants to choose my hairstyle?

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22 Comments

I've been with my boyfriend a while (8 years). I had the gothic look going on when we met, but I went natural after I graduated. I think this began when my hair started going from black to blondish; he began suggesting this really specific hairstyle for me. He doesn't really want me to dye my hair back or anything because of how damaging it is, but he wants something totally different. He wants me to have Shakira curls and maybe dye it, but not black.

I admit I could use a good cut and color, but it kind of makes me feel weird that he has chosen what kind of hair he wants me to have. I don't know why, but it kind of pisses me off. I'm pretty happy with my appearance. Yeah, my hair is a little dull now and I would like to do something with it when I get the money, but I don't like that every time I mention a haircut he's like "You would be really hot with your hair like this." I guess I kind of think that should be my decision, even though he's the one that has to look at me. Besides, I thought guys didn't care about that stuff. Is it normal that he wants me to look a certain way? Am I normal for not liking it?

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50% Normal
Based on 101 votes (50 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • FocoUS
    11 years ago | pl

    He shouldn't tell you what to do with your hair. Choose the hairstyle that you want. If he asks why you didn't get Shakira curls just tell him that if he likes that style so much he should get for himself.

    I HATE it when people tell their girlfriend/boyfriend to change their appearance. "Don't get piercings! You need shorter hair. Buy these glasses instead. Shave your beard." It just shouldn't happen.

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    • shade_ilmaendu
      11 years ago

      I would get so annoyed when my ex would ask if I'll ever get rid of the mohawk. I probably will eventually, but being asked about it every few months sure as hell didn't make me want to. XD

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      • FocoUS
        11 years ago

        I feel you. I had an ex that would always ask if I would dye my hair purple for him.

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      • VioletTrees
        11 years ago

        TIL that you have a mohawk! Neat.

        Seriously though, I think mohawks are adorable. They're just super cute on both genders to me, but especially women or on skinny or androgynous guys. I don't think "cute" is the look people are usually going for when they get a mohawk, but that's what my brain does with it. It's involuntary.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          I think mohawks are adorable to, but very tryhard.

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        • shade_ilmaendu
          11 years ago

          I've always made the same connection for some reason, part of why I got it :p it's soo nice though, I have trouble thinking of gettin rid of it. Keeps my head so much cooler in the summer

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          • VioletTrees
            11 years ago

            I hear you. I had a crew cut as a teenager, and it was amazing for my competitive swimming and just the summer heat.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    My ex got all butthurt when I wanted to dye my hair pink, and he actually threatened to break up with me when I told him I wanted to get my nose pierced. He thought this desire was coming out of nowhere (even though I'd wanted to pierce my nose since sixth grade), and that really made me realise that he didn't know me or care who I actually was, he just cared about this girlfriend he'd constructed in his head.

    I'm so glad I'm not with him anymore. My fiancé doesn't mind what I do with my appearance, and I don't mind what he does with his. We might give each other suggestions or ask for input, but we don't push.

    …which brings me back to the OP. I don't think it's necessarily wrong for your boyfriend to suggest a hairstyle for you, but it seems like he's gotten kind of pushy about it. What's important is that you're not comfortable with it. Tell him that. Tell him you don't want that hairstyle, and that you'd like him to please stop bringing it up. If he still doesn't stop, you need to have a serious talk.

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  • dom180
    11 years ago

    It's normal for him to have an opinion of what he things would look good on you, but it isn't normal for him to try and force it on you if you tell him you've made another choice.

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    • disthing
      11 years ago

      Exactly what I was going to say, without me having to think too much about the wording because you've already said it so succinctly :D Cheers

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    I would be a little peeved too cause my hair us nothing like that but he might just be making a suggestion like when a girl tells a guy to shave his beard off or cut his long hair short BUT it is different with us girls, I would be offended. There is a double standard. Like what? You Luke chicks with long shakes curls?? That's what goes through our head like seriously? I can see why you're offended... But who know he might of just imagined YOU with this hair, but honestly I wouldn't do it. Show him that it's your hair and you look good however you style it.

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  • Mellifluous
    11 years ago

    It's normal for both of you. He probably just saw a style he found attractive and wants to see it on you. But you're right for not liking his behaviour. It's fine for him to make a suggestion, but it's up to you what you decide to do with your own appearance.

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  • kmpayson
    7 years ago

    It is not normal for your boyfriend to choose your hairstyle. I see that as a form of control and it will just move to other things. He can give his opinion, but it is ultimately your choice. I went through the same thing where my bf didn't like the way I wore the part in my hair and didn't like when I wore my hair behind my ears. He would also tell me he likes my hair in a ponytail or me to wear it without hairspray. It made me feel like shit and it was wrong.

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  • oh_hambone
    9 years ago

    Ive suggested styles to my gf before, but really it doesnt matter to me as long as it isnt something ridiculous like cheetah print or a 3 foot mohawk

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    He might be just suggesting, do whatever you like i am sure he won't get mad. If he's a bit controlling then you have the right to get pissed off, but if he's just suggesting then it's fine. Personally, i think changing my hairstyle to something he likes for a while won't do harm. again, it's your choice at the end.

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  • Boo!
    11 years ago

    Thats wrong, do what you want.

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    He's gay.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    He sounds rather controlling...

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    Lots of auto corrects there...

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  • fullhouse
    11 years ago

    He's justified in suggesting but nagging is wrong..You see which.one it is

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    Hmmm screw that. Do you think you would look good with hair like that? Your hair. You choose. Things have been suggested to me in the past about my hair or what clothes to try. Looks stupid! Leave me alone! I can dress myself and do my own damn hair. Maybe I wanted it to look like a mop, ever think of that?!?!

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  • Blue_Velvet
    11 years ago

    Does he want to choose your clothing style as well? if yes, then he might have a controlling behaviour.

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