Is it normal my boyfriend scares me?

My boyfriend is really really hotheaded and has some abandonment issues. He's a really big guy, like muscular and over six and a half feet tall. He's very kind and gentle, but when he gets mad it's like he boils and he gets really irrational and scary. I've had many moments where I thought I'd have to defend myself, I always carry pepper spray, and I've taken a bunch of defense classes. But I'm very small, I'm athletic, but I'm petite, if he ever were to physically snap on me I wouldn't be able to do much.

I fear my boyfriend, he just really gets so scary. He flexes up and gets wild eyed and says a lot of irrational and dissociative stuff and breaks things. He thinks anytime we even remotely argue that everything is crashing down and he thinks I'll leave him. The only reason I'm noticing all this and being so overreactive about it now is because I missed a period and I took three pregnancy tests and one was positive so I don't know. I've told him this and he was very excited and happy about it. Like I said he's a very good guy, he just has his moments where he's dramatic and spooky.

Voting Results
14% Normal
Based on 56 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • privatepropertykeepout

    I find this extremely disturbing.

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  • rayb12

    Leave him. Fearing your physical safety, and surely that of your child if you don't go, are not prerequisites to being in a relationship. There are many men just as great as him that you also can feel safe around.

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  • ravensuichiro

    so um. are u really pregnant? if he's really that way i dear for you and your baby's safety. tell your family or parents about this so they could protect you in any way.

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  • ßrokenAngel

    I have learned to just let the yelling go on because in my mind I am just greatful its not physical arguing is normal in a relationship BUT it can still BREAK YOU I just listen to music to turn my mind off of it

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  • ßrokenAngel

    I am always going to unfortunately be afraid of being abused by yelling or otherwise I am always going to be terrified of men unless I really know them abuse in any form can BREAK YOU

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  • ßrokenAngel

    Or just run away and never look back but then I start to think I really don't want to be alone because I am always afraid of being attacked physically and mentally the abuse I suffered was ALL OF them .

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  • ßrokenAngel

    I sometimes get so scared that I want to run away and I am an adult if I feel like I am being attacked by yelling I just try to sit there and take it seriously I am wanting to cower in the corner

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  • ßrokenAngel

    I almost died at the hands of my abuser and it is still having a effect on me that I have constant nightmares where I beat myself up bloody in my sleep I am still scared when people tell at me

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  • ßrokenAngel

    I have been in many abusive relationships and my experience is THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO CHANGE they will fool you by telling you that they are sorry and it will never happen again DON'T FALL FOR IT!!

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  • ßrokenAngel

    You need to STOP everything and GET THE HELL OUT its only going to get worse if he is yelling at you and breaking things I speak from experience that it's going to turn physical and then you will be a target so GET OUT NOW

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  • Animal_Johnson

    Not worth it. Make a clean break.

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  • ZaneT

    He sounds very insecure and very unpredictable. Be very careful. If he cannot control his anger, you should leave for your own safety. He may have nice qualities but from your info, he is not in control and is too quick to anger. When these outbursts occurs, they could easily manifest physically and then you are going to be in danger.

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  • RoseIsabella

    He's not worth your tears and pain, honey!

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  • silkspector

    If you feel threatened or uneasy leave he is not the person for you

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  • bubsy

    All anger comes from pain, and your boyfriend has some deep pains he's never fully addressed and moved on from. You can't help your attraction to him, but you'll end up as an abused housewife if he doesn't change.

    Check out selfauthoring(dot)com. I'd encourage him to go through the Past Authoring program. When you write down past events in detail, you re-wire your brain and move that memory away from the anxiety-inducing region that causes anger. And it's a hell of a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist.

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  • ogrelord

    tell him to get help and see a psychologist or something, he's not going to be good for you or your baby when he gets angry. my dad is exactly like this and refuses to get any help for his anger, the reason why my mother has long left him and the reason why i'm fucked up lol. ask him to get help, and leave him if he says no. you'll be saving yourself a lot of stress in the longrun.

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