Is it normal my boyfriend doesn't want me to dominate him?

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9 Comments

I was a virgin until I met my boyfriend. So, from the moment we started dating, it was him taking the lead (with my consent). Even before this, I knew I was incredibly submissive. And while he has dominated me over and over again, he's mentioned his secret love for being submissive twice now.

One night I was feeling ballsy and asked to top him. I expected him to be happy, but he seemed reluctant. Even trying to get me to concede to being submissive as usual by teasing me. Regardless, I straddled him before inserting him inside me, however after a couple grinding motions he stopped me and said that I was "a better sub" and more hurtfully, "asked if I even liked penis?". Then, he flipped me over and proceeded to tease, and top me. It was a bit humiliating.

He tried to comfort me later, as I was a bit upset, by saying dominating and subbing was all about attitude, but both were equally great to him and that he loved dominating me. But I'm still a bit affected by it. I tried grinding on him the other day as well, but once again, he turned the tables rather quickly.

I don't get it. If he also loves being submissive, why does he shut me down every time I try to dominate him? Is the idea turning him off? Am I really just bad?

Voting Results
30% Normal
Based on 10 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • JD777
    5 years ago

    Anyone who feels he’s being “sub’d” just because a partner wants to ride cowgirl has got insecurity problems.

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    • Maddygirl4932
      5 years ago

      Maybe that is it. I wasn't doing enough by just topping him... why he would stop me regardless is something though. It should have felt good and novel.

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  • pauld
    5 years ago

    Part of dominating is being in charge.Maybe some bondage and teasing and being in charge would change his mind.I personally would love it.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    Your boyfriend sounds kinda like an asshole.

    In all honesty I find really domineering men to be a massive turn off, it fact it's more of a turn off than I can even begin to express in words. The only thing I find to be more of a turn off is a guy who pretends to be kinda submissive. But is actually a manipulative person who wants to be dominant. People should just be who they are, but understand, and accept that not everyone is gonna love who they are, and that's okay.

    I basically prefer people who want to be equal partners.

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  • xxLucifer
    5 years ago

    Some people just enjoy the fantasizing about certain things rather than acting out those fantasies. He may very well fantasize about being submissive, but not want to actually act on them.

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    • Maddygirl4932
      5 years ago

      But when I asked if any of his exes were more dominant, he said they were, so I'm thinking he's experienced both sides of the coin.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    You took him off guard, I think. Like he didn't expect it.

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    • Maddygirl4932
      5 years ago

      Possibly... I mean I know he likes routine. I think that's why he likes me, as I don't mind letting him do his thing. So I think he's used to me in a certain light, as that's how I am, and both of us are having trouble seeing me in a more dominating light. Not routine/ unexpected = immediately dislike? I wonder...

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      • [Old Memory]
        5 years ago

        Maybe if you take things slower or more metered. Let him know that you are gonna try it, then proceed cautiously.
        Also, try to remember that your physical actions are less important that your words. Again take it slow; say things at first like 'im gonna do this', and then after things are going along harden it up; 'now put it here, do it now!'.
        You surely know that to be dominated in a sexual manner requires a lot of trust and I think it will work better for you to work up to it lime this. Good luck.

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