Is it normal my boss is acting like my pimp?

37 Comments

I work for a firm that has mostly male clients (75%) from all walks of life. From the spine surgeon to the nutritionist, from the pilot to the socialite, from the vet to the sugar mill owner; they come, spend a few months with us while we solve their problems and they leave. We are a mixed-gender team of 5 professionals. This is the third time that I am put in this position. A client whose case is not directly handled by me develops a bit of a crush, mentions it to my boss, who eventually tells me and assigns me the case.

Is it normal that I feel my boss is kind of pimping me?

I have mixed feelings. Should I be offended he's treating me like a hooker and offering me to clients who directly or indirectly request my services? Maybe punch him for the creepy married bank manager who kept trying to touch my waist every time I met up with him?

I mean, it's not like he's Velvet Jones and I'm learning how to become "a high paying ho from the conforce of my own home". I get paid just the same as if I were working without feeling like a piece of meat.

Your boss is an ass. 47
The client is always right. 12
You are a low paying ho. 21
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Comments ( 37 )
  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago | pl

    Talk to your boss about it. I'm not sure what type of business you are in but he pobably is using the crush factor to the advantage of the company. Maybe he doesn't realize he is upsetting other clients, or maybe those clients didn't pose a very good benefit to the company. He might be doing it for self amusement, but he's probably more concerned with the bottom line, and sex sells.

    Hit him where it hurts, find a way to prove his actions are costing the company money. If that doesn't work, find a new job.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Here are a few more facts I left out to try and get somewhat unbiased opinions on the situation itself. My boss is also one of my best friends, and we are a very small business in the field of one-on-one education. I love my job and the work environment in general is one of the closest to ideal I've ever witnessed. This is one of very few things I dislike about it and end up complying with. So you see, finding a new job is not one of the options I consider.

      I'm aware that now my post may seem over the top, but the boundaries between the long-running friendship and the newly established professional relationship are still being defined. I'm not sure how that's supposed to work. The first time around I did tell him when it got to the point of extreme discomfort and he finally did something about it, but only when I used the terms sexual harassment.

      In my eyes though, he shouldn't have obliged to that client's request in the first place. Or he could have just not told me, because that awareness does hurt my performance, as in losing spontaneity and shifting focus from the genuine care I usually have for each of them and their progress to avoiding advances, personal questions and trying to prevent awkward situations. In that particular case it was so blunt that it wouldn't have made a difference anyways. The second time around he did not tell me and I only knew of it after the client was gone.

      This time, however, I know and again I am bothered. I feel observed. The human being does not let me do my job properly only to speak about me and he just won't learn!! *sigh* This one seems rather harmless and I'm not repulsed as I was by the first man's character, a married father of a baby girl, who would speak ill of his wife to anyone willing or unwilling to listen. Nor is he as disrespectful as far as touching me or using sexual innuendo. In this case it may seem to just come down to me having a problem with being the object of unwanted affection, but my boss did interrupt someone else's learning process to accommodate this guy's whim. I don't know, man. ;)

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      • howaminotmyself
        11 years ago

        I can understand the difficulty but you need to be honest with your friend. I think this is a lesson for you in setting boundaries. I think most women will feel like an object at some point. It is important to be overtly clear that you will not tolerate that behavior from anyone. There aren't any hard and fast rules but start with your friend, make sure he knows you will not stand for that sort of behavior.

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  • jucedaguy
    11 years ago

    Your boss is very unprofessional.

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  • VioletTrees
    11 years ago

    The biggest red flag for me is that he keeps touching your waist. That's not acceptable. Is there a human resources department you can report that to, or is there anybody above him you can bring it to? You don't ever have to put up with that shit.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      When he touched my waist was when I used the words sexual harassment in conversation with my boss - also my longtime friend and owner of the business. We had had other kinds of problems with that client so my boss refused to offer any further service to him.

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    • shuggy-chan
      11 years ago

      Agreed, that unacceptable, touching ur waist is too far, tell him to stop in a respectively and professional manner and if he doesn't, I'm sure HR of both companies would love to here about it

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    Do the clients propose you money for sex? Do the clients use abusive/sexual language against your person? If no then I don't see why as a client I cannot choose who to handle my case.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      You have a good point. However, there is an openly expressed sexual interest on their part, that being the main reason for exchange. Their choice for my services is not based on my skills and my boss is willing to take me off cases which I'm already working on to take over these, sometimes also upsetting other clients who would rather have stayed with me during the whole process and changing my schedule to accommodate their needs.

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      • kelili
        11 years ago

        Just act professional and cold. That's what I do with clients like that. That normally cool them down. Do your job and don't think too much about this.

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        • MsWVgal
          11 years ago

          I agree. Stay absolutely professional. Ignore "hints" or minor advances. If they do or say something that is uncomfortable, you can remind them that you need to stick to a professional relationship (no need to get angry or get offended, just a reminder works fine without making anyone angry or embarrassed.) Only real sleezes would need any reminder more powerful than that.

          Otherwise, maybe you should mention to your boss that some of these people have behaved inappropriately, or if they waste your time (and his money!) by ignoring the business they're there for. The shuffling may reduce the efficiency of the business. Plus, what does he hope to accomplish by pairing that guy with you? Will he pay for more sessions? Does it increase the success rate?

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            11 years ago

            Those are my exact questions!!! Being both an employee and a friend I find it hard to question his motivation for those pairings. We're still learning this relationship (10+ years as friends and coworkers off/on and only 10- months as employer/employee).

            The clients may stay with us for longer than originally intended, that's one; and success rate increase is questionable since my performance is affected. You ask him! Please? Haha.

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            • MsWVgal
              11 years ago

              Lol. Well, I think you should bring it up, since you've been friends. Even in a purely professional sense, the problems that could arise would be bad for the company (how much business do you get by word of mouth?)

              You could ask, for instance, since a few of these guys have been inappropriate (and he knows about at least one right? You're not hiding it all?) if you could have some input when he's deciding whether to switch one to you. Or have a couple trial sessions so you can determine if the guy's crush is going to be a problem, and if so, he can be switched back. I think you should set up a system so that problems can be detected and avoided early.

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  • MissyLeyneous
    11 years ago

    I don't really know how to answer this one...

    What's the difference between a "pimp and his hoes" and a man/woman who "assigns" cases to "professionals"?

    It just seems like the wording has been changed to me. :/

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Ha. This is interesting...

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      • MissyLeyneous
        11 years ago

        No, seriously, I'm not trying to be funny at all this time, I swear. :/

        That's probably bad right?

        Yeah, I'm going to assume it's bad.

        I'ma go stick my head back in the sand now.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          I meant it in a good way, I found your proposition interesting and thought you would even elaborate further. I think I got your point. Now get your head out of the sand, woman. Unless you really like it there. :)

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          • MissyLeyneous
            11 years ago

            Oh. :D

            [/plops head out of sand]

            I think I was losing the feeling in my ears, but other than that (and the lack of air) it was quite comfy in there. ;D

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    I think you should document every and all evidence and seek legal counsel.

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    • Mando
      11 years ago

      The counsel to seek is around workplace sexual harassment.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    its business thats all, whatever works and makes the clients happy is probly what the owner is thinking, if it was another small business and the genders were reversed the same thing would happen i think, open the same type of business up yourself and blitz him

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  • curiouskate101
    11 years ago

    i think your boss is not trying to set you up as hooker but maybe he thinks hes doing a favor by setting you up realtionship wise. i dont think he means nothing of it

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    The photo made me laugh. Now back to your question: I don't think this is normal especially the part where he won't stop touching your waist. That isn't right and I suggest that you report him and try look for a job at another firm.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      If the photo made you laugh, you should check the sketch it came from out. (Here's a YouTube partial link: watch?v=lZVnve5wG0A ) As a matter of fact you should check out the whole Best of Eddie Murphy on SNL. That shit's funny!!

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  • Imsupernormal
    11 years ago

    Bottom line this is a capitalist country. Sex sells. So deal with it and fuck him. Or can go out of business. The customer is always right!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Do you even know what country I'm writing from? Anyway...

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  • LilyAmongTheThorns
    11 years ago

    I think that if you feel uncomfortable in the workplace due to sex discrimination, you should take it to HR. There are people who can help you there, to reach a solution.

    Really it is up to you if you feel it's inappropriate. There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable about it, it's natural to have emotional reactions.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    How exactly do you know that these people have asked specifically for you?

    This just reminds me of the case of how quite a few females on here strive to be seen as such a desirable female in reality, so I am skeptical.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I understand and expect your skepticism in regards to such matters. As I said, my boss told me himself what these clients said to him when requesting or implying they would be pleased with the change. An example dialogue he mentioned when telling me about this last one: BOSS: Would you like some coffee? Water? CLIENT: No, thank you. BOSS: Cookies, cake? CLIENT: No, thanks. BOSS: You sure? CLIENT: Yeah... BOSS: Come on! You don't want anything? CLIENT: I do, but you can't serve it to me. - and they laughed like schoolboys, I suppose.

      In the work environment I really would rather no one desire me. I firmly believe in not shitting where you eat.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        ...I don't think bosses offer cookies in workplaces...Oh well. I am still skeptical.

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  • q25t
    11 years ago

    I agree with violettrees on the touching of the waist point. Would you be able to meet with these clients with another one of the members of your team? That may deter any inappropriate action on the client's part.

    Also, have you called any of the clients out on this or told your boss that you're not fine with this arrangement? If you don't tell them, they may assume you see nothing wrong.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      It's a one-on-one service. Mmm... Sounds dirty. :/

      No, I did not tell the more aggressive client at the time. I don't know that I could have confronted him. I find it especially difficult to address situations that are not out in the open. I can be very assertive once the subjects are up for discussion, but until they are, I feel very oppressed. I spoke only to my boss and the problem was solved eventually.

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    You need a fourth option •all of the above.

    Might be time to start looking for a better company to work for.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Fuck it! So I'm a lo paying ho, my pimp is an ass and dickface is always right. Yet I love my job, not that time just yet! Imma stay ;)

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      • Justsomejerk
        11 years ago

        Good for you. Bonus points if you can make the client feel ashamed of himself.

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  • Ixu
    11 years ago

    well it seems a bit that way but it's not, just accept it. lol "conforce" i think you mean "comforts" :)

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