Is it normal if the person you love can't see who you are?

71% Normal
8 Comments

When you start loving someone, you are willing to do anything for them because it makes you happy. I was never like this until I met the person I'm dating. If he asks people from the past including guys I was involved with, how was I like as a person, the last thing they would say about me is I was a lot of drama. I was never like that. But why am I like this with someone I finally, genuinely love? No offense to those guys in the past, but I never liked them. It was just an interest which is why I never got serious with them. Now I know what it feels like to have strong feelings for someone. I think its because as I said above, you are willing to do anything and you might get hurt if it doesn't reciprocate. And once that happens, you get disappointed and start acting dramatic. It's me getting a taste of being vulnerable for the first time. But its so ironic and unfair that you look the worst in front of the person you care about the most. Could it be like "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" type of thing? If he is seeing all my flaws just spill out, then that means he should be the one and its meant to be cause now he is aware of what my flaws look like and I'm not hiding anything? Don't get me wrong, he appreciates some of my best qualities and always points out in our fights those are the reasons why he likes me. But it still unfortunate, he has to see this side of me, the drama, clingy, annoying side and he doesn't know why. If only he knew its coming from a good place. Should I tell him that it is coming from a good place? Is it normal to look at your worst in front of the person you love?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 17 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    I think it's normal for everything to feel different in nearly every way when you actually love & really care about someone, as opposed to it being just another relationship.

    Some things feel better, safer & more secure because you're obviously with someone you trust completely.
    Some things are a lot scarier because you actually have something to lose this time.

    To really love someone & let them know & love you, you have to drop your guard & become completely vulnerable.
    That's fucking scary & of course there'll be times when you realise you could be hurt while you're in this state.

    The fact this guy has seen your flaws, your insecurities & some of your worst qualities & is still there should be a good sign.
    At least you know that when there are problems, if that side of you comes out, he already knows what to expect & he's not going to run away.
    He knows what he's getting into & he's obviously not phased by it.

    If you feel you have to, just explain that you've never had strong feelings like this for someone before & it brings out the best AND the worst at times

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I'm probably going to tell him the exact last sentence lol because it clearly states what I'm going through and I think it's thorough enough for him to understand. After all, guys can be clueless sometimes :p and I don't want him to misinterpret my feelings in any way.
      Thanks!

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Lashing out because you feel vulnerable. Normal. Being afraid your feelings will be unrequited. Normal. I went through that whole mess with my gf and are still pulling out of it. Insecurity can sink relationships. I'd do everything I can to help him understand that how you act, and the things you do are because you care so much. Passion burns as brightly in love as it does in anger and it's the same flame that feeds both, the same fire that warms your chest will burn you mercilessly when unkept.

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  • WhiteStallion
    9 years ago

    Definitely tell him you act this way because you are hopelessly in love with him and can't seem to cope any other way. Its absolutely normal, my parents do it all the time...
    Ever watched the notebook ;)
    But seriously all you need to do is calm down. Love is a marathon, not a sprint and you need to sustain it or you'll burn it out too soon.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Cool! Never thought of love in the way you put it in the last sentence. It really makes me want to calm down even if these feelings of love are powerful enough to just bring me down in an instant. And exactly! I always wanna tell him "you know how the notebook goes? thats how I feel!" But I think it'll be too overwhelming for him.
      All of the advice from everyone here is absolutely relieving :p lol I'm glad people know where I'm coming from rather than calling me "desperate" or something. Happy to know I can express this to him and he should be able to understand. Thanks!

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      • WhiteStallion
        9 years ago

        Great. Its people like you who make me come back to this site again ;)
        However we all are desperate in love and that's perfectly normal.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Once the walls come down, it is difficult to hide your feelings. But this is no excuse to allow yourself to be dramatic, clingy, or annoying. The closer we are to someone, the easier it is to push their buttons (remember life with your family?). Self control is a must if you wish to protect a relationship you value. That is NOT to say hide, but only control.
    All those little things, in your case the drama and clingyness, need to be kept on a tight rein. If you see them coming out, stop; the end result isn't worth it.
    Let the little things go; they are NOT important enough to fight over. Talk out the big things before they become monsters.
    Obviously, you recognize that these 'flaws' aren't helpful, so use some self control and refuse to give in to the urge to be clingy or a drama queen. There is a huge difference between being honest and being out of control.
    Good luck.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thanks! I really will take all of your advice as it is essential if I want to sustain what I have.

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