Is it normal if i wish i met my boyfriend later in life?

82% Normal
14 Comments

My boyfriend right now is the type of guy or overall person you'd wanna be with after having bad relationships in the past. You learn from the bad so the good is saved for last. Funny how my first ever bf is him. I make my choices wisely and I'm happy I chose him to be my first but sometimes I can't help but feel that I wish I met him later so we can get married or just settle down seriously. We're young, 20 and 21, so none of that is in our minds but at this rate I think we would last. So what's the problem? Well idk about him but even tho I love him, I still get the feeling to explore or have an interest in someone else because I'm young I guess. I asked him do you think if we broke up we'd get back together in the future and he replied saying idk we might be different pple but you never know. So not the answer I wished for. So now I feel should I just stay with him so I don't lose him and hold on tight no matter how many times I wanna explore OR break up with him and either hope we get back together in the future and marry or just hope I find someone as special again. I consider him as a best friend now cause i definitely dont want to lose him. He makes me feel comfortable, stable, and home-y. I feel that I met my soulmate too early. Is this normal?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 89 votes (73 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 14 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    You've got a real dilemma on your hands there with two incompatible needs. Your options are limited. The obvious ones involve working out which is the greater need (your boyfriend, or your need to explore) and then choosing.

    However, there is a compromise (although either you or your boyfriend may not like it). You could experiment together with other people, or you could ask whether you can have an open relationship up until the point you make a greater commitment (such as getting engaged, at which point you close the relationship off again).

    Be aware, though, that while leaving your boyfriend and hoping to be reunited has its dangers, having threesomes or an open relationship may also change one or both of you. It might be difficult to revert to monogamy.

    Choose wisely. And good luck making that choice. It sounds like you'll need it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I would love to have an open relationship with him but he's not that type of person. He's a little more conservative than me, that's why when we were just dating he kept asking me to be his gf while I wasn't used to having a bf so I thought dating was enough. But no, he wanted to make sure I was his. I'm going to ask him again what the future holds including if we break up will we get back together. I really want a definite answer.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Mmmpfh
        11 years ago

        Keep in mind that there is no definative answer for this question. There's always a risk involved. I think if you want a better chance at keeping him you should try the open relationship dappled mentioned. It's much less offensive than suggesting you break up so that you can go sex up other people.
        I was far more conservative than my ex but I wouldn't have thrown the idea out the window because of it. If you do try an open relationship remember to put a massive focus on his enjoyment in it. Make sure its something he can be happy with!
        Also, totally normal to wish you met him later in life. Been there myself too and its a really disheartening feeling.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • ComTlancy
          11 years ago

          Once again, dappled comes out of nowhere with his amazing wisdom to help us all

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago

            You were a really awesome user. Where did you go?

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          So although you were conservative, you would have chosen an open relationship over breaking up because you didn't wanna lose your ex too? Gah if ya, well I hope my bf would feel the same way cause I don't think he'd wanna lose me either based on what he tells me. So if I gave the ultimatum of having an open relationship and explaining how it would work including your suggestion of focusing on him more or breaking up, I feel that he would choose the open relationship but that's only if he's like you. Otherwise knowin him, he said he wouldn't be able to nurture me and kiss me knowing other guys are doing the same to me so I was like oh....but if I tell him I'd focus on him more idk if that would change his mind.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Mmmpfh
            11 years ago

            Its a very sensitive situation. Not everyone can handle an open relationship. They come with a slew of their own problems. Hell, it might even end up becoming a problem for you, not him. You just never know in these situations. Keep that in mind.
            Opening a relationship up to more partners should probably be done slowly. Have you suggested a little experimenting? Maybe start small as kinky, then ask him about a threesome. It's a safer way to tell if its going to work. If the threesome goes ahead and you both enjoy it, you can try suggesting something more open afterwards. Remember to take it slow anyway and keep in mind it is a very, very sensitive situation.
            Also, always always always let him know he's number one to you. He needs to be the main picture here.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • peterpanforever
    11 years ago

    I think it's normal to feel that. You'll only get rid of that feeling after having an affair with 5 other guys - not at the same time but one after the other. THen you'll realise you've got a good thing, at which point you might have screwed up your current relationship and have it end with your bf finding out you've been unfaithful.

    Moral of the story -- be happy with what you have, if you don't like it then leave. A female friend of mine felt the same way. She left the guy, and is now bouncing from one relationship to another relationship filled with unhappiness. She regrets leaving this guy now. So don't fall into that trap!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I think what your friend did is just satisfying a need. I know that the consequences lie in losing him forever, but f*ck! sometimes you cant keep saying "what if!?what if!?" you just gotta do it and see what happens. With that being said, although your friend is now bumping her head on a wall for leaving him in the first place, now she knows (well she knows more now than before) what she wants. For me, I'm dieing here!! I think I'm gonna leave him, not only because I want to explore, but because there are some qualities in him that I cannot stand and I even tell him. You can't explain what is that thing that makes you love someone, and thats what we have. He is not my type, we both want different things, but when were together, in the most happy times, we are just so into each other! But when I'm feeling what I'm feeling right now (annoyed by him and the whole situation) I really want to leave him. There's no other way to find out what I want if I don't do something about it, meaning breaking up with him.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Virpz
    11 years ago

    I feel the exact same way

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • plum6
    11 years ago

    It's normal to want to experience and experiment when it comes to relationships. However, if I were you I would not end it just because you feel you feel you are entitled to this.

    I am assuming you are relatively young (teen or early 20's) and you should not underestimate how much joy, fun experiences and interesting lessons can be gained while in a relationship. especially when you are still young you should not be afraid to stick to a person special to you.

    However, it is important not to lose yourself in the relationship. Meeting new people, going out, growing up and even experimenting with drugs and alcohol is a part of life and shouldn't have to be limited when in a relationship. IMO (a guy who has had quite some time alone but has been in a loving relationship for several years now) Casual sex and new lovers are hugely overrated compared to what an actual relationship has to offer.

    I feel it's actually the other social and experimental experiences are so much more fun but are often made impossible by jealousy, over-protectiveness and envy when in a relationship. I think that if you two can give eachother freedom and share the experience of growing up it could be amazing!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    Very normal with no easy answers, I would let things run its course! But your not me, so good luck with your choices!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • weirdquestions1
    11 years ago

    I'm pretty sure this is normally but if you break up with him, you could be really upset considering you sound like you love him a lot, right? I think this way about my boyfriend too because I want to be with him forever but I'm disappointed I won't have any other experience with anyone other than him but I love him too much to lose so I feel like i'm gaining more than im losing!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Hmmm I feel that way too ! that I'm gaining more than losing but sometimes, like today, you can't help but enjoy that temptation and wanna do something fun. I couldn't do anything and i know today would've been more fun if I was single. I do love him but that's why I wish I could've met him after all these flings so I can be more confident settling down with him.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0