Is it normal if i want friends but i don't like people?
So I know I have social anxiety but lately, I've narrowed it down to "I want friends and a social life but when I get the chance, something inside me doesn't want it anymore." So in example, lets say at work Im going to go have lunch but I wish I had a group I'd have lunch with. Finally, a group invites me and I start getting anxious because I have social anxiety and Im scared Im going to become awkward around them and they'll see that and never wanna invite me again. Honestly, that's what usually happens. They see how awkward I am and we don't really hang out again. But sometimes it's the other way-they invite me again but I prefer to eat lunch alone cause I like my space and alone time. Then I think, no I want to be social so just go but I get so turned off by people and what they find funny, interesting, amusing, etc. Or sometimes I prefer to be alone because I don't want them to encounter my awkwardness. Its like this battle inside of me of wanting to be social or not that I've discovered recently. Like who am I? I've said to myself I want to be more social, I want friends, but then it comes and I question it-is that really what I want? When I;m around people, I usually don't get along with them or what they're into and I just want out. I guess I just haven't found that right group for me. It's almost like a relationship where finally you find someone who you're into and is into you. Is all of this normal?