Is it normal if i'm secretly fooling around with my second cousin?

That's right! I can remember where it started. He came over along with family and this was like 4 years ago or so and we were bored and just chilled at the living room lying down o the carpet with a blanket over us almost like we were in bed together and just talking. We were pretty close physically in terms of our faces. so damn idk we just got intimate and closer and ever since, I always sensed this spark when he would come over. I never denied there was something there or could be something if we weren't related but I never accepted it. I mean hello the first thing you think is ok how pathetic can i get with this thought about us two being an item when were cousins, well 2nd cousins which is another reason why I would consider it even a little bit. But as we grew up (Im 20, hes 18)I began to be real with my feelings and concluded just that; I don't deny my feelings for him but that doesn't mean I will accept them, I just can't. Ugh but then because he lives near me, he would come over just him to chill so we got even closer and when I say closer I don't mean in like a lovey way no way, just that we got closer as cousins but at the same time just discovered similarities. Although he's younger let alone 18, he is so smart and mature. He has this smooth confidence where he doesn't care about what others think, only what he thinks like he is too smart to fall for others' bull and that's basically what I look for a guy.
And so, each time he came over, it just became more obvious that we are into each other, its almost like we're ideals of what we want our partners to be but only ideals since that's all it can be, NOT. Like I said the obvious turned to being real and being real turned to making moves and from there we couldn't help ourselves and kissed. It was unbelievable, in terms of wow we've known each other our whole lives and who knew, who f*cking knew this was in store in our future. Now in family gatherings, yeah well play it off like we used to but we'll secretly text each other complimenting one and another, like the truth is out! I want you, you want me! But holy crap if our family found out idk what they would do, probably...yeah idk! The thought scares me but doesn't stop me from feeling the fun we have. It's fun and scandalous at the same time but I see it as lets make it fun while it lasts. I have a feeling though, we're going to hell even just me writing this. jdjhy#@%klsjhfio$^