Is it normal if i don't know or like having boundaries?

65% Normal

I don't understand why it's important to have boundaries when you're dating. I get it is to protect yourself from getting hurt but at the end of the day, its up to the person to not take advantage of the other, have respect, etc. I don't believe in cultivating myself in a certain way just cause the other person is an asshole or just messed up. Why can we or they just be adults about it? So in example, my bf and I first started as I guess you can say friends with benefits then we became serious. But it did take us a while to be serious and maybe part of it was because he was getting all of me without asking me out. But how would he know to ask me out if I didn't give him all of me? When I say all of me I mean my vulnerable side including emotionally and physically. I didn't make him my priority cause he wasn't my bf but when we did hang out, I acted like he was my bf and I was his gf. What if I held back and he finally asked me out and our sex sucked? or he finally saw my vulnerable side and it scared him? I just think it's important to give yourself to the other person to really make a decision about being serious or not. Its also kind of like moving in together. I think a couple should move in together before they marry to get to know who they really are before making such a decision. As I said before, its all up to the person to be an adult about it. Now if I don't like that person too much, then Im not gonna give him my all, its only if Im crazy about him and Ive only been crazy about one person which is my bf.

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65% Normal

Based on 26 votes (17 yes)

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Comments ( 57 )

Tealights

7 years ago

What you're talking about is not boundaries. That's just going about a relationship in a different way, which is very normal. For example, it's tradition for the guy to ask the girl out, but nowadays you have women asking the guy out.

Boundaries are basically setting a line for yourself. Having self-respect, and knowing when to walk away. Is it okay for him to slap you across the face if you don't cook his breakfast right? No? Then that's a boundary. Is it okay for him to call you a stank ass, cum bucket hoe after he has sex with you? NO?! Then that's having boundaries!

Boundaries are meant to not allow people to push you around, and they're very important in a relationship because of how vulnerable feelings can make us to the other person.

How you went about your relationship is great! I'm glad it worked out for you. Also, it's nice that you wont marry someone without living with them first, and I share the same opinion.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Great explanation!
  
  But so do you believe it's okay to see him, be with him, have sex with him, without being in an actual relationship?
  
  Of course I dont want to be taken advantage of but thats where my point is in this post. It's up to him to respect me. And so, I feel like doing all those things with him even tho we're not officially together. Once I realize hes taking advantage of me then thats when I walk away. I'm not going to hold myself back. It's up to him to respect me and be an adult about it.
  
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  - Tealights
    
    7 years ago
    
    Personally, I wouldn't take such an arrangement like this seriously, and probably only see it as a means to have convenient sex without feeling tied down.
    
    However, despite my own opinion, the fact is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with friends with benefits. It can have truly wonderful endings with couples getting married, or horrible ones where no one is happy. It's a risk like every other relationship out there, but if you're aware of the consequences and have a plan if problems were to present itself, then you're good. You're being smart about it, and that's what really matters.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Okay plus I don't plan on having sex casually, but if it happens then it happens. If I can stop myself, then great. At the end of the day, my hope is for him to gain respect for me and want to be with me again. The last thing I want is for him to think he can have me without committing later. The thing is I feel like if I hold back on having sex with him, or be more vulnerable in any way, he's going to go look for it somewhere else. But at the same time, if he is worth my time, then he wouldn't go somewhere else. Got it.
      
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mypenisinyourmouth

7 years ago

You mean boundaries like paragraphs, proper sentence structure and grammar?

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- sandnigga
  
  7 years ago
  
  XD hahaha really? a grammar comment?!?! XD hahah never fails lol
  
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  - VenomBurn
    
    7 years ago
    
    He means proper grammar and sentence structure, like mypenisinyourmouth, that kind of cunning linguist type of perfection????
    
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    - sandnigga
      
      7 years ago
      
      lol
      
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VenomBurn

7 years ago

I think its good you don't want boundaries more people should wear their emotions on their sleeve like that. I think your BF might have not asked you out because like you said...to put it bluntly "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" So are you in a relationship with him or not I'm somewhat confused because you say its your BF then say "we aren't officially together"?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Right now we are not together. When we just broke up, he was still talking to me and in a normal way like referring me as his gf still. I was like I thought you wanted to end it? So Im not sure if he thought he can be single and still have me, or he was simply missing me. I confronted him about it and he apologized that he was talking to me in that certain way when he knows he shouldn't because we are not together anymore. After that, he continued to do so but now which is like a week later, we haven't talked. I think hes now trying his best to hold back from speaking to me which yeah its the right thing to do if he didn't want to be in a relationship but at the same time, I wish he would talk to me. I would respond to him and kind of be the same way but I dont want to risk him thinking like you said getting me for free without the commitment but if I hold back, hes not going to know my true feelings for him. Thats why I swallow my pride and still be available for him even if it makes me look easy cause truly I dont think thats the case.
  
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  - VenomBurn
    
    7 years ago
    
    And don't swallow your pride and be available for him, he will just keep doing it, knowing he doesn't have to do anything in return. How long will that go on for, before you are totally in love with him, and to him all you are is a bootybcall, don't get yourself hurt. It takes a really really long time to get over heartbreak. I still think about someone who l was with and its been two years. You eventually move on, but you will always wonder why it couldn't be the way you though it could or should have been. It can consume the way you feel about everything, yourself other potential relationships. Just a mess really.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      I think the fact that Im bipolar about being vulnerable doesn't help my case at all. Sometimes I just wanna let it all go and tell him while other times I think I'm just willing to avoid him or give him somewhat of a hard time so he can work harder for me. But it always goes back to me wanting to be with him no matter what. I think Im just going to wait until the next time he contacts me which at this rate it might be for a while but knowing him it could be a in few min, hes just random like that. But I will tell him about how Im feeling andd possibly have something, maybe not too serious but still be committed to each other. I just dont want what you said in the beginning to happen, I dont want him to get away, I dont want to wonder what if when I know it can work but I obviously don't want to be all over him.
      
      And yes I do feel like its going to be a long while til I find someone who makes me feel like he did (if I do find someone else and Im not with him). But at this point, I dont want anyone else and I dont think thats gonna stop me from finding someone else. Just cause Im not with him doesn't mean I get to explore and get around, thats definitely not what I wanna do because for me, Im taken by someone else even if we're not actually together. Until someone is able to take me away from him, Im always going to feel like Im with him. So when you say it can consume me, well yeah it is right now. Even if I get distracted and Im laughing having a good time, at the end of the day Im still sad without him. I come home and wish I was with him.
      
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      - VenomBurn
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yes, and I guess that when you are alone you imagine him there, what you would be doing or saying to each other. Or when you fall asleep, he is the last thing on your mind, right when you get up he is the first thing on your mind. Sounds like you have totally fallen for him. Who knows maybe he feels the same way, but he is afraid to tell you how he really feels. Some guys don't mind when girls want to be around them a lot. I don't know any straight guys who mind girls they like, being "on them" all the time. I can only guess your age, but you do sound somewhat young to me. Not that these things(feelings and emotions)ever really change as we get older, just more complicated.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yes exactly. I actually pretend Im sleeping with him at night and in the morning. I mean he's really confusing and he says so himself that he is a complicated person and sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants. Thats another reason why I keep giving him a chance cause Im just being patient with him since I feel like there's some hope. Sometimes he would act questionable and sometimes I would ask him if hes into me and he would say stuff like "I would write a song for you but I cant write songs..." or "I dont know what I can do to show you how much you mean to me..." so at the end, I do feel like he might feel the same way but he is afraid which he did mentioned he was scared cause he got hurt when he was younger. But that was sucha long time ago and hes had other gfs after that plus I think I showed him how much I loved him that he shouldn't be afraid and he should trust me. He could also be afraid to ruin our relationship but overall, if hes scared I just wanna tell him to suck it up or just give us a chance dammit.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        And well yeah any guy wouldn't mind having a girl or girls around them but when it comes to him, on the verge of breaking up, I would insist going over his place and he would always say yes. Now though, if i were to ask if I can see him, Im sure he wouldn't mind but he would say no because its "unhealthy." But again, why can he just be vulnerable and see me or let me go see him cause thats what we both want? This might sound funny but I just wish he wasn't so mature about this. Hes being mature knowing its unhealthy to see each other while broken up. Okay I get it but can we just follow our hearts?
        
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  - VenomBurn
    
    7 years ago
    
    Well if you really like him, then don't hold back, you will regret it later if he becomes "the one who got away". Tell him if you have feelings for each other, then why not be serious about your relationship. If he just doesn't want to be in a relationship so that way he can date other girls...l don't think he is ready to be commited to one person. And maybe he doesn't deserve you if you are willing to be that one person committed to him, and only him. I don't think you are being "easy" persay, its more like you want him and to be intimate with him. That's what people do who like each other.
    
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Terence_the_viking

7 years ago

You should clean each others bums after you did poo poo.

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RoseIsabella

7 years ago

I don't think you have a clear and proper understanding of boundaries.

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Ellenna

7 years ago

It's an interesting and worthwhile question but your post makes no sense.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  7 years ago
  
  Precisely!
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if i don't know or like having boundaries?