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I've gotten over years of depression and just accepted my life, but it seems I've been a bit blue lately. Anyway, I honestly hate reality and wish to escape it. I see death as an "escape" but I lack the initiative to commit. It's as if I want to die. Like I wouldn't care if I was face to face with death. I just want to end this boring reality.
Death isn't an escape, it's an end. You won't be able to appreciate the lack of this reality when you're no longer conscious of it, you'll just be nothing, think nothing, feel nothing. There will be no relief. No alleviation of the burden and sadness you feel. You'll be gone and everyone who cares for you will suffer the loss.
There is no alternative to life, but there are alternative lives. If you really want to escape, work out a way to make things more interesting, exciting, different for you. Change your situation. Seek something you can feel passionate about and dedicate yourself to. Think of it like a mission, or a level in a game that you have to finish, the reward being a sense of purpose. Travel, read, play, socialise. Don't wallow. Don't sit still and do nothing.
I totally feel the same and to me suicide is a very valid option. I believe in the right to die because I didn't choose to be born and NOBODY has a right to tell me that suicide isn't a right. It's not like I would listen to do-gooders anyway.
Every joke, every smile, every small success is why you should keep living. Depression is hard, believe me I know, but the amount of people that you would send into depression if you killed yourself is horrible. I don't know you, but if you have any family that loves you, any friends that rely on you or laugh because of you, any girl/boy that you catch looking at you every now and then, or any person that you know at all, live for them. I know they care if you die. Think of all the little miracles in life, you are on the internet right now, you have access to all the information you could ever want, isn't that special? Wouldn't you like to see the next big thing they come up with? There is so much to live for.
Normal but not a good way to live, I sometimes think the same though I don't think many people including yourself and I would have the guts to do it.
i almost kill myself somewhere in the early 2000s. i was burdened with credit card debts. my 3 best friends refuse to even lend me $50 to tie me over the minimum monthly installment. i was staring over my corridor as i was about 8 steps to jump myself over my apartment. somehow i didnt do it. i later told my mum and i was surprised she said let me think over. she could have scolded me like mad. the next day? she pass me the $ and i manage to clear the rest (which i didnt told her) with a low end job. i never look back on death again. this is something i will not do to myself. thus please do not keep thinking that death is the escape route. its NOT. being a catholic i know it should be leading to hell. is that a solution? its just a final condemnation. so please dont ever do it.
I know too damn well that feeling. I've known depression and sadness for quite a long time. I've also tried to attempt a suicide twice and obviously it didn't work as I am here writing online haha. When things go wrong in your life, it is normal to feel that way. It may happens to everyone. You may not notice it at the first glance when you look at people smiling and laughing around you, even among your loved ones that seem happy and healthy. A lot of people share this disgust of the reality and life just as much as you do and don't know how to live with it and prefer to kill themselves to put an end to their sufferings. As far as you're concerned, you said you lack the initiative to do it. Well, I really hope it won't change and you won't commit a suicide. Life can be cruel but there's so much more. Happiness and sadness are close friends. Sadness may come back in your life, but won't last forever. Please, keep going. Don't kill yourself.
You need something in your life that makes it worth living to make you afraid of death otherwise what do you have?
Although this will sound crazy and lame, I find doing simple exercise helps whenever I feel like this. Going for a walk for an hour each day clears my head of negativity.
Our perception of reality is limited at best; clouded by our bigotry and prejudices, distorted by our illnesses and failings.
I'm kinda the same way. I'm too afraid to die and I'm pretty sure my life will improve. Then again, if like... a bus was speeding towards me, I'm not sure if I would get out of the way. I wouldn't step out in front of it but I wouldn't move if it was about to hit me. :/
In human societies, the nature of death and humanity's awareness of its own mortality has for millennia been a concern of the world's religious traditions and of philosophical inquiry. This includes belief in resurrection (associated with Abrahamic religions), reincarnation or rebirth (associated with Dharmic religions), or that consciousness permanently ceases to exist, known as oblivion.