Is it normal if i can't orgasm during sex with my boyfriend?

78% Normal
1 Comment

I have a hard time telling him what I like and what works for me. I don't know why I have this mental block about talking about sex - but I just feel so awkward doing it, and he doesn't seem to get it. He's not extremely sensitive, and I don't know how or when to bring it up, and how to go about it. I jut get so insecure and feel like I put so much pressure on myself. Is it normal to be this shy about talking about what you like in bed with your bf? please help!

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78% Normal
Based on 9 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 1 )
  • zEropoint
    13 years ago

    Yes, it's normal, and am I glad to have seen that for myself!

    I'm pushing forty (that time when all women are supposed to turn into sex maniac 'cougars' and all that nonsense) and I have the *exact same problem*.

    Write it down. Seriously. Take a pen and paper, lock yourself in the bathroom (or wherever you feel like you have the most privacy) and write out what you want. You're still going to feel uncomfortable and silly (which isn't much of a selling point, but bear with me), but all you have to do is keep reminding yourself that nobody ever has to see it.

    Nobody ever has to see what you write, and if you feel *really* anxious after you write it down, you can burn it or flush it or whatever you want and it will be gone forever. You don't ever have to worry about that.

    *But*... if after you write it down, maybe you're still embarrassed, but it says what you want to say and all that, you write at the bottom of it "please come talk to me about this" and either leave it somewhere where he (and ONLY he) will find it, or you can actually splurge on a stamp and mail it to him (yes, I know he lives in the same house as you. The point is to put a distance between the letter and talking directly to him).

    I guarantee he will *love* it (no matter how clunky or demure you try to make it, he'll still think it's a mash note and secretly get hard about it), and he'll be the one to initiate the conversation. Once he fully realizes that you're not able to tell him what you want, he'll start using other cues to figure you out. And let him know in the letter how able you are to answer specific questions about what you like (because he's going to have a ton of them). If the best you can do is yes or no, then you have to tell him that you can only answer yes or no questions. Whatever you feel comfortable with, trust me, he'll be okay with.

    And it really is that he doesn't actually *understand* what it means not to be able to verbalize that kind of stuff. Society is different towards men voicing their sexual preferences. You might have told him that you can't talk about it, but trust me, it hasn't fully dawned on him that you're not just playing coy or being femmy or whatever.

    Good luck, and have fun!

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