Is it normal if he struggles to call me his gf?

27% Normal

Well I shouldn't be complaining cause things have been going strong but I think if I ask him again "am I your gf?" it will make things "complicated." But why? What is so hard about calling me your gf dammit? Sorry, its just irritating when I think about it. It's been more than a year of these shenanigans. I understand in the beginning because we didn't jump into a relationship right away. We hooked up then became friends w benefits then got closer emotionally and ever since, we have been an item to the point where we can't talk to anyone else. I mean we were acting like a couple and people recognized. NOW, we are in a relationship. Yet, I know he still hesitates to call me his gf and show me off as his gf. Why? The only messed up thing that I can of is he wants to still look like he has options. It's hard to believe that though because he does treat me well especially recently. He's been putting more effort such as coming to see me more often or offer to come see me. He'll tell me he misses me and other things and I just know he means them because by his actions. One of the reasons why we have been doing well is cause you live and you learn. We just learned more about each other and how we work especially me.

So with me having a peace of mind, he's less stressed since I'm not always bashing him anymore. For ex, I haven't brought up this case about "am i your gf or not?" because one) it seems like an understatement in a way like "wow after all this time, this is still a question." But I have reasons still cause he doesn't show me off as his gf or say I am his gf or he's my bf. And two) if I bring it up, it will cause drama again. Sure This came up in my head because recently, these kids asked us what were we? were we related or dating and they asked him "is she your gf?" and he quickly says "no." I mean that was a smack in the face. In a way they were kids and we were messing with them like lying about our age, and so on so what? was he still messing with them when he said I'm not his gf? Then the kids kept asking wth are we and I'm yeah wth are we?!?! and he was like "okay yeah but you cnt tell her parents." The "parents" thing was like a joke too cause they know about us but the fact that he later said we were dating, just shows that he's still not sure what he wants and I'm just blown away after all this time. So why are guys so scared of commitment? Is it freedom? The term "gf" to him I guess is close to "wife."

Voting Results

27% Normal

Based on 11 votes (3 yes)

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Comments ( 12 )

RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Dump him.

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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

Can you even imagine a future with this guy?

If he doesn't have the guts to just declare that you're his girlfriend, then I can't help but feel that he won't have the guts to call you his wife one day.

You really should have him define your relationship.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah I'm over this bullshit. Even if he's innocent and doesn't mean to hurt me, like he seriously needs to grow the balls and declare what he wants. Cause I've left before and he's the one to come back to me. And cause of how I feel about him, I've given him a shot again. So obviously he does miss me when I'm gone and wants to be w me but once he has me he thinks he now has his cake and he can eat it too.
  
  To be exact, I plan to ask him to define what we are and who I am to him and if he still hesitates to say I'm his Gf or says I'm not his Gf, then I'm just gonna ask him to not treat me like a Gf then cause it sends me mixed signals. Do you think this a good idea? I feel like I'll miss him treating me like one but I have to remind myself that at the end of the day there's no point to treat me that way if he can't declare me as his Gf.
  
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  - KeepsakeDoll
    
    9 years ago
    
    Good idea to make him define it.
    If he hesitates, I think you should try to move on and find someone who has no problem telling people that the two of you are in a relationship. At this rate, it feels like he's wasting your time.
    
    You definitely have the right to be upset. Especially considering how he denied that you were his girlfriend when asked by the kids. Sure, they're kids - but that was plain cruel since it seems as if the two of you have been together for quite some time.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yes for the past few months hes been treating me well and being a good guy putting morr effort so when said Im not his gf I was like so wth has been the past few months? For nothing? Even the kids looked back at me when he said that like they even knew it was pretty messed up and expected me to say something. I just held it in to not cause a scene or anything plus I was too shocked to even know how to react. After a few minutes he looked at me with this face like "my bad" or "oops idk what just happened." Its annoying how he doesn't know what he wants and thinks its okay to drag me along as if I have no feelings.
      Idk how to bring it up tho especially that we haven't had drama in a while. There would've been that night but cause we hadn't seen each other for a while, I didn't wanna spoil our time together with drama. But I'm gonna have to bring it up soon cause its bothering me that he thinks he's getting away w this.
      
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      - KeepsakeDoll
        
        9 years ago
        
        You should probably read on some articles on why people won't call their partner their gf/bf.
        I read a few and it seems like most are related to commitment issues, freedom, or to avoid 'messing up what they have.'
        
        If you're content with what you have then, y'know, stay.
        If this is stressing you it's probably going to keep haunting you until he grows the balls to commit to the relationship wholeheartedly.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        I would but based on the past, it hasn't turned out well with me reading articles and using that to advise my relationship. Ive brought up things to him that make sense in the articles but he starts saying things like "where do you get these ideas from? it surprises me how you come up with these things in your head and its far from the truth." And yeah I kind of agreed with him. Without considering those articles and what others say, we are fine. I'm not brainwashing myself and only focusing on what's right in front of me which is me and him. I know I'm asking for advice here but I am more careful about what I ask and what I consider and obviously with this whole "gf" thing, I do need help. The things that you found out from those articles, makes sense. It's just a matter of getting him to face those fears now and see if I'm worth it. But yeah I am content with what I have with him and leaving would make me sad for a really long time so if only I can get him to finally embrace me as his gf, things will be fine.
        
        Did i mention he has called me "his gf" before during an argument? It was the most heated argument we've ever had and it was about this. The reason why I wasn't convinced was cause he said in an angry tone like just saying it so I can shut up. I did believe it for a bit but now especially after what he said to those kids, I'm confused.
        
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ArayaLioness

9 years ago

He might have a problem with commitment. Or he might not want to acknowledge you as his GF for a different reason.

I know this: any man that is truly interested in a woman (and doesn't have a fear of committing) would openly declare that the woman is in a relationship with him.

If a guy DOESN'T do this, there are many reasons. He puts his friends before you, he doesn't truly care for you, he's awkward/socially inept etc.

Imo, it's not a good guy to be with.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Okay yes he does have commitment issues but why do guys have commitment issues? Like I said in the end, is it cause they lose their freedom? Guys value their freedom and I know right now he's busy focusing on his career so I understand when he says he can't give me everything a bf has to offer. But we basically already act like a couple so he doesn't need to give me anything more I don't think, except just embracing the fact that I'm his Gf and saying it and introducing me as his Gf. Its like once he does that, he's gonna feel trapped. Its not fair.
  
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  - ArayaLioness
    
    9 years ago
    
    That's a RED flag. Some have it because they don't like the feeling of being tied down to one person, they don't like the title, they're going to miss their freedom, etc. It's going to get worse if the M word is brought up (marriage).
    
    So yes, I think the biggest problem is the lack of freedom that they will have (or envision). This means he may not be able to stay out late with his guys, go to the strip club, hang with other girls etc. It causes panic in some of them.
    
    I think if you explained that NOTHING will change with you two except the name that he might have an easier time with it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      See that's the thing. Everything you just described as "freedom" is not what he does. Maybe VERY occasionally.
      
      Its kind of complicated cause when we were both in college, I'm looking back and yes he did have his chances of staying out late w his friends including girls or go to the strip club but he did those things rarely and he would usually be asking to hang out w me.
      
      So I think his whole fear of losing his freedom is not that he's not gonna be able to do those things cause he's not doing them in the first place but IF those opportunities come up, he wants to make sure hell be free then. He has said he doesn't like making promises and he prefers going with the flow. But why would he be making all this effort to prove to me he wants to be w me when at the end of the day, he's not gonna call me his Gf? I find it odd and he's lost. I guess he just thinks everything will work the way he wants but I'm not an object that he can control.
      
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Unimportant

9 years ago

Are you dating Sheldon Cooper?

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if he struggles to call me his gf?