Is it normal i want to date someone who i can be silent with?

87% Normal
10 Comments

I am a shy person and I don't think I "connect" with hardly anyone outside my family. I'm very bad with making friends. Especially at uni I have only made 1 friend after 6 months...

Whenever I do manage to finally make a friend, it always feels "off." Like I have to keep up this charade, or a facade, or mask, whatever. I have to pretend to be happy all the time, keep up a flow of shallow "chitchat," etc. I feel like I constantly have to entertain people, like I don't want to bore them to death. I worry that I am a boring person.

I want to find someone to date who I feel a special closeness with. I want to feel comfortable being completely silent with them for long periods of time. Like if we're walking together, we won't have to talk. But I will know he's there, walking with me. I don't want to go through the tedious "Hi, how are you?" I'm NOT saying that I'm not a caring person, because I can be. But I don't want it to be forced.

I'm also am not saying that I NEVER want to talk with them, I do. When it feels natural, I guess.

One more thing. When I'm in my room with my room mate, I feel physically and mentally tense, like she's watching me. I want to have a boyfriend who I can feel relaxed with. I am very high-strung, and like I said, do not relate to hardly anyone, so this could be difficult.

Are these normal things to want from a relationship?

Voting Results
87% Normal
Based on 47 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Wyomingite
    10 years ago

    One of the signs that you are truly comfortable with a person and vice versa is the ability to just sit in silence, even if you're both usually talkative. I'm sure there are guys at your school who want that too, but you aren't finding each other because everyone involved is so shy.
    One of my best friends and I can sit in the car without talking for three hours without saying a word, just content to be in the same space as the other person. We don't even listen to music, usually. Sometimes we talk, but often we just sit and be. It's extremely relaxing and comforting and I hope you find that soon, with a friend or boyfriend.

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  • Karmasbitch
    10 years ago

    You just need to give yourself time to get to know the right people. It took me a long time to make good friends that I was comfortable enough around to be myself. A few years, actually. I put up a mask for everyone except these close friends. It's just how things work, gotta be patient. Sometimes just step outside of your comfort zone and you never know who you can meet. Life will give you what you need to take in strides.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    This made me think of pulp fiction.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I have never seen it. How does it relate?

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I wish you luck! I feel as if I have the same issue you do. I am a quiet person and feel as if I have to either force conversation or come off as boring. It would be nice to relax with someone who was the strong and silent type. I like the way you think.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think it would feel great to spend time with someone who was more quiet. (:

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  • kit-kat-bar
    10 years ago

    Google how to be a good introvert

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  • Shelbs
    10 years ago

    I feel the same way. I think it's important to be able to comfortably sit in silence with someone. It lets you know that you've let the other person into your 'bubble'. And that's essential in relationships.

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  • Couman
    10 years ago

    Just from the title this sounded odd, but actually that makes perfect sense. Normal.

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  • Unimportant
    10 years ago

    One of the most normal things I've read in a while.

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