Is it normal i want my family to die?

This is going to sound really mean and awful, and I have no way to justify this. But I really do want my family to die. I live in a family of three. I help support my mom who is a first generation immigrant and older brother who is mentally disabled.

However, I am a young person and there are a ton of things that I want to do in my life that I can't because they're literally in the way. I want to have a boyfriend and eventually get married? I can't. How could I possibly ask anyone to share this kind of burden and be dragged into my problems.

When I was younger, I wanted to have a part time job and earn my own income. Even now I actually want to work somewhere else. I can't. It would be one thing if I was just given a lot of hours, but I'm also not given a schedule. I don't know when I have to work and I'm often told a few hours before when I'll end up with an 11+ hour shift. And, there's never anyone to cover for me. It was actually pretty hurtful when I tried to get a job anyway and I had to quit within the first week because I was suddenly stuck with two shifts in two places and I realized that no matter what I did this would happen.

I've been asked many times why don't I move out or even run away. I actually did once. I ran away and lived on my own for a little over a year. I had to come home because my mother ran into financial trouble and had no one else she could rely on.

So far, I've quit school twice because of this (first time was when I ran away from home) and anxiety issues. My mother says she'll make time so I'll be able to study properly should I go back to school again, but I don't believe her. And even if I finish school, that actually doesn't gurantee anything for my future as I'll still be stuck supporting her and my older brother. Even should I leave again, they'll probably self destruct just like last time. Also, I've come to the terrible realization that the harder I work, the worse it'll get because they'll depend on me more.

It's really unfair. I know this sounds like whining, but I feel like since I've been born, I've been denied the possibility of living my own life for reasons that are entirely out of my control. I feel like the only thing I can do is abandon any hope of someday being able to live my own life and support them until they die. This thought makes me so sad that sometimes I've thought about killing myself.

So, under these circumstances, is it normal that I want them to die? I just keep hoping that I'll get lucky and get a call from someone saying that they died in a car accident. I'd feel extremely bad, but I'd also feel relieved that I can finally live life as I like.