Is it normal i proposed to him?

92% Normal
11 Comments

I am not sure there has a been a girl before who ever did this, but I proposed to my best friend. I love him so much and I don't want to fool around or anything, so I did that. He said no by the way. He said we were young and not ready, now what? what do I do with my life? Do we stay friends? Do I take distance? Or do I apologize and repent for not being a girl or not girly enough. I feel so bad to be honest..

Voting Results
92% Normal
Based on 13 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Yes, you have effectively ruined your life. Your only hope for redemption is if you never again speak to a man until you have learned to behave like a proper 1950's girly-girl. What is this world coming to? A woman actually having the audacity to come right out and tell a guy how she'd like to see their relationship develop? That's outrageous!

    Seriously, I admire you for taking the chance and telling the guy what you'd like. Men have had this role thrust on them for centuries, and countless millions of guys have had to deal with a blow to the ego when they were rejected. Virtually all of them got over it, and you will too.

    From what you say, it sounds like the guy just said he wasn't ready for this. He may be right, or he may be wrong, but you have to respect his opinion. And that is all it is - an opinion.

    You don't say that he laughed in your face and said he'd have to be crazy to marry you, and you don't say that he said you could no longer be friends.

    If you really like the guy - as I assume you must - then presumably you want to still have him in your life as a friend. Whether that's possible is up to him as well, but it would be pretty odd if you went from asking him to spend the rest of his life with you one day, to ghosting him the next.

    Clearly, you need to have an honest discussion with him about his feelings for you. If he does love you and is willing to be in some sort of exclusive relationship (or if you can handle him being non-exclusive), then why can't you continue to be friends?

    Really, marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. As far as I'm concerned, these days it's mainly a way of deterring us from doing the natural human thing and just stomping off when we get pissed off with our partner (as we all inevitably do from time to time).

    Rayb12 makes a valid point (even if he does use the euphemism of "dating" when he - presumably - means having an exclusive sexual relationship). Going from "best friends" to "married couple" really would be doing it 1950s-style. Sex isn't everything, but along with money issues, it's a major cause of marriages failing. You really would be leaping into the dark if you got married without being sure that the sexual chemistry between you worked as well as the interpersonal chemistry.

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    • rayb12
      6 years ago

      Lol well when making a presumption you make a pres out of u and mption, this was completely accurate

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Well. First of all, thank you so much for writing me an actual, detailed and understanding comment. You have no idea what you made me feel.
      Now, I appreciate the sarcasm. I know it's not wrong, but it felt odd. It's been men's role to propose, and me doing it was an honest gesture of love but it still felt odd.
      And, well, he didn't laugh. He was moved. He said he loved the words I used and he, later on, told me that he didn't say no as in, "I don't want to marry you" but saying yes would've meant that we had to do it instantly or work for it and that is a promise he was afraid not to be able to keep as days passed.
      We are still friends. I will do my best to have him in my life as long as I can because I really lo.. like him. :3
      Well, I believe our sexual life would be fine. It's when I made you sure of that that I finally did it.
      We connect so well on the emotional and the intellectual side that I want to spend my life with him. And I believe we'd connect on the physical/sexual side as well.
      Having that said, we're young. And he is not financially ready and I believe we're both not ready for commitment yet. I mean, I am committed to him now, but sharing a roof and being partners in this life and having a family is something else. He was being reasonable, we are just not ready.
      Coming back to your sarcastic introduction, and as one of the people menuioned in their comment, he is my best friend, wanting things to reach a higher level of intimacy was maybe selfish from me. I wanted him, so I compromised our friendship for something that doesn't sound this realistic to me anymore.
      Luckily, he is totally understandin and supportive about this little story of ours.
      Anyway, I just hope I won't regret this one day.
      Thank you so much, really. You seem like a great person and I am really grateful for every word you said.

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      • Boojum
        6 years ago

        You went out on a limb and told him you'd like to commit to him long-term. That took guts, and it's good he respects that. You may feel now it was an impulsive thing that doesn't seem realistic, but he knows how much you care now, and honesty is always best in the long-run.

        You're certainly right that living with someone is a huge change from the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

        I hope it works out for you. Good communication is vital in any relationship, so just keep being honest - in a "liking", caring way.

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    You loved him more than he loved you. There's nothing wrong with that. If you can stay as friends, then stay as friends.

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  • e51pegasi
    6 years ago

    Chalk it down to experience. Talk to your friend, a deep and meaningful & take it from there.

    Ask him how he sees the relationship after what was said. If he has any sense he will just shrug it off & carry on as if nothing happened as long as you both talk about it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      Thank you.
      We did talk and we're dealing with it as if it didn't happen.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    with most marriage ending in the women filing for divorce 90 percent of the time , you were just picking the guy you were divorcing . he said no. how is your sex life?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      You made me smile. I have no sex life- still a Virgin.

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    Hey don't worry. It is more common than you think.

    But please realize that what makes this unique isn't that you're a girl, its that you were friends.

    You have to date the person first so you can know if that type of relationship works.

    OK not "have to" but I think dating will garner better results, be it with whomever you choose that chooses you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I know him enough. We don't have to date. Our friendship dates are like standard dates minus sex.

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