Is it normal i never see my dad?

38% Normal
18 Comments

My dad basically disowned me when I turned 18. He told me he did not want me and acts like it is a burden when I do see him. He seems upset when I do not see him. I know he hates me so I try not to think about it. Should I try and see him anyways? I feel sick when I am around him. When I see him I feel like killing myself because I know he will always hate me. I know he always hated me and I thought he cared. He always acted like I was his favorite. He did not want help me get a job but complained he was not making enough and did not need my help.

Voting Results
38% Normal
Based on 40 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Mando
    11 years ago

    I think you could protect yourself by minimizing contact or perhaps have none altogether because you find it so toxic. And during this period get some counselling to sort your feelings out. Build your life, make friends - move on a bit. And once you feel stronger decide whether you want contact.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Well I do see him but it is because I still want to see the other half of my family. So I have to deal with him if I want to ever see them again. However I do not see him regularly. I was wondering if I should see him more often. However I feel horrible about myself when I see him. So I usually see him on holidays but I think he would like to see me more.

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      • Mando
        11 years ago

        Well, do consider the counselling.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    My father is somewhat like this.
    He left when I was 13 and my parents divorced. My Dad used me as a pawn. He was the closer parent that I had and he misused my trust to get some stupid revenge towards my Mom. After a while, I began to see that and I became angry with him and now he won't have anything to do with me.

    He didn't claim he had kids in the divorce, his Commanding Officer had to be the one to send my Mom the childcare checks the Navy gives parents, he refused to pay child support or even any custody. We never saw a judge. The divorce was done illegally and it was legally finalized. He fucked our family to go live out his selfish dreams and he thinks that I should still kiss his ass but I refuse to. I am 20 years old. I am married. I have a job, college and a life. I don't need him in my life and I certainly don't want him in my life.

    Cutting parents loose really sucks, but don't put out more effort than you already have to bring him back into your life. You're the child. He is the parent. He should be the one making the effort so if he doesn't want to, then fuck it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I do see him but not often. I see him on holidays but I am usually visiting his half of the family. When he does see us he often seems annoyed because he says he is so poor. He acted like this when I lived with him. When I did live with him he would usually ignore me to play on the computer or on the phone(Facebook). However he asks every week if I want to see him and I usually say no. I sometimes wonder if I should try and see him more but I feel sick when I see him since I know I am worthless to him.

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        Then don't. If he cares about you do much, then he wouldn't make you feel that way. He is your father, you are his son (daughter?). He should be making the effort to get closer to you, not the other way around.

        There are parent out there that would kill for their children to be willing to come home and see them every once in a while and you're just handing it to him. They'd kill to have a child that cares as much as you. He is ungrateful. Don't bother with him. Maybe one day, he will realize that while all of the other Daddies have their grandbabies and their families, that playing Facebook games and being an arrogant dick wasn't worth the cost of being old, alone and in a nursing home without anyone to bring him quarters for the vending machine.

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  • LilyAmongTheThorns
    11 years ago

    My father, from what I can remember of him (my parents died when I was 7) was not a very "good person" in any sense of the term. At least, not near the end.

    But I do know there had to be a time where he made my mother happy. He's also sorta half responsible for bringing me into the world!

    I don't believe anyone is *all* bad (or good) but sometimes I think it's best to try and remember the good things, maybe even remind your dad of some of your best memories. Not like a guilt trip, just a passive comment.

    The good things won't erase the bad things, but that also means the bad things don't erase the good! ^-^

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  • Justsomejerk
    11 years ago

    Your dad failed you as a parent.

    I hope you have a nice Mum.

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    Are you gay by any chance? If that's what this is about then it wouldn't be the first time...

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I never see my dad, fortunately for him. He'd be in an arm bar tapping out for his life

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  • reginaFalangi
    8 years ago

    I also dislike being around my father, i think you should avoid it.
    But what is really important is that you should forgive him, be at peace with your decision of not seeing him.

    Holding that kind of grudge will cause you a lot of harm. I've learnt that from experience and had it confirmed by both psychology and traditional Chinese medicine. It's really hard to get by in life when you aren't at peace with your parents.

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  • misssolodolo
    11 years ago

    You're really contracting yourself up there. But take advantage of the time you have with him now because you never know what tomorrow holds and you wouldn't want to regret not spending time with him when you had the chance to.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I already tried and he rejected me with the rest of my family. I was the person who never gave up on him and he gave up on me. He trying to act better but even when he does I do not want to see him. Every time I see him it just makes me feel sick since I know he does not really want me. He has done this to everyone in his life. Including my siblings. Even when I see him it seems to stress him.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    I don't see my dad either but that is for a completely different reason.

    I can't see me dad.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I feel so very sorry for you. His attitude toward you is beyond belief.
    Have you ever told him how you feel?
    If you can work up some courage then confront him, he owes you an explanation.
    I wish you lots luck.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I do sometimes but I ignore him most of the time he say he wants to see me. I just wonder if I should make more of an effort. Even when I do though I am usually very cold to him.

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  • thanksforthefreecar
    11 years ago

    I'm so sorry.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    What have you done to make hin feel this way?

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