Is it normal i my estranged father hates me?

53% Normal
4 Comments

Basically, my father had no interest in me or my mother after he found out she was pregnant. So now, 20 years later, I searched for him and finally found him. I called him and more or less asked him if he wanted to meet me and at first he was all for it and said he really wanted to meet me. Later he cancelled and I understand it must be pretty damn weird to meet your adult daughter, but it isn't like he didn't know he had one?
After a few days he outright told me he wanted nothing to do with me and I "should go back to the whore that calls herself my mother".
Obviously I was kind of shocked by this behavior and I talked to my mother about it. She said that he was a really generous person when they were a couple and that they were really in love and all that and that the change in his behavior came very apruptly. I talked to his parents (I've always had contact to my grandparents but none to my father), and they said he's afraid of the responsibiliy. Hello? I'm 20 years old, there isn't much responsibility left. After I told him that (in a nicer way) he said he hates me and well, he doesn't want to have contact to me.

Is that normal behavior for an estranged father? Or did I somehow manage to catch the "gold"?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 32 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • MissClaire
    12 years ago

    Unfortunately its more normal than people would like to admit. He may have a mental health issue; I'm not trying to be hurtful, but it’s definitely possible. People that display this sort of abrupt disassociation typically have a lot of fear (defining the type of fear obviously depends on the individual and their life happenings).
    It was very big of your mother not to trash him, and that makes me think that something may have happened to him to make him this hurtful towards you.
    The only advice that I can give is to not let him or his actions affect your emotions/decisions (as much as possible). Obviously, this is not your fault, you have done nothing to make him feel this way.
    He may just be ashamed of himself and this is his way of distancing himself from you so that in his mind, he can’t hurt you.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Concentrate on your own life pet, and stop trying to flog a dead horse. It's his loss - whether he's mentally ill or not. Put him behind you and be glad you have the mom you do!!

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  • cookiesaregreat
    12 years ago

    i can understand he's scared, its not fair he's being so mean about it though.

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  • dappled
    12 years ago

    That sounds like a horrible situation to be in. It also sounds like he's avoiding facing up to the situation, probably because of fear. Pushing you away is one way of dealing with the fear. Not the only way, and probably not the right way, but that's what he's chosen.

    You sound more mature than he is (this happens; I'm more mature than my own parents). You can persist and hope you finally get through, or you can give up. What you shouldn't do is take his rejection personally. None of this is about you or who you are. It's about him and who he is.

    I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you get to know him on his own terms because he's half of what you came from. But more, I hope he realises this and grants you the chance.

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