Is it normal i'm not satisfied with vanilla sex?

86% Normal
30 Comments

I have a few fetishes which all tie into bdsm. I learned this was so from my ex who introduced me into my role as a submissive. I have never told my current lover about this. I want him to take control during our romps. I wanna be tied up with a gagball, get spankings and all those good things I had grown accustomed to and that which I have grown to love. My boyfriend only has vanilla sex with me. But how would I bring this up? I don't wish to shock my lover too much or make him feel like what he does isn't good enough.

I am having troubles being satisfied without my fetishes though. Is it normal?

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 56 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 30 )
  • Lariii
    8 years ago

    I completely understand how you feel. I dated a guy and we had awesome kinky foreplay, but then it settled into vanilla sex, and now we're broken up and I'm involved with someone new, and all I want is rough and kink.

    When him and I were hooking up, I started off by saying that I like being bitten, and asked him to pull my hair, just to bring up a little bit of a kink mood. Shortly after, in the heat of the moment, I just said "be kinky and rough".

    In foreplay, I sometimes tell him to get rougher, and to go harder (like with neck kisses and his hand) and while we dirty text I tell him everything that appeals to me.

    I think maybe it would be good to test the waters before jumping into bdsm, as he might be a little freaked out by new sexual stuff like that, but communication is key and he would probably be up for gradually introducing kink.

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  • harukim
    8 years ago

    the desire is normal, but you must tell him your full desires. you will not be able to decieve everyone about your true lusts. good luck!

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  • Caryopteris
    8 years ago

    Try whispering ideas in his ear and see how he reacts. Do start slow. Like say, mmmm, pull my hair. Please pull my hair when you ...

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  • LadyKate
    8 years ago

    It's 100% normal: I have the same kind of fetishes as you. A good sex life is so important to a relationship, so you need to tell him you're not happy and why that is. Maybe he also has fetishes and is too nervous to tell you, for the same reason. You guys need to have a talk.

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    • CDmale4fem
      8 years ago

      Guys ? I thought the question came from a female ?... lol

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    I like this post. I expected to read something like "My man doesn't do me like I like, so I'm cheating on him. IIN?". Glad this isn't another one of those.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Violating your lover's trust and hurting them shouldn't be normal. Someone who truly loves you would never deliberately hurt you. I want my sweetie to try this though. Any suggestions?

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      • CDmale4fem
        8 years ago

        When I would decide to tell a female friend that I am or have been a crossdresser, one past gf I said something along lines of "I saw an episode of Jerry Springer, and this woman wanted her man to wear her lingerie while they had sex,,,,, etc." Just watch his reaction or ask for his opinion.

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      • Arm0se
        8 years ago

        Bring it up slowly. A little hear a little there. Tell him all about it, start with something small, and work him into it.

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    • MogsyLovesRap
      8 years ago

      oh my days from this comment you sound like a legend, a friendly hello to you sir!

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      • Arm0se
        8 years ago

        I don't know if your joking or not... I'm a virgin. I was just saying how I'd like to be introduced to something I'm not used to \(._.)/

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        • MogsyLovesRap
          8 years ago

          I'm not joking I am just saying hello to you

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  • ______________
    8 years ago

    This is the kind of thing you bring up before engaging in a relationship, dammit. I hate when people hide stuff they shouldn't have and then it fucks the couple over at a later point.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Take a deep breath. No need to cuss or be so angry now. Just asking for advice. Something everyone gets shot down brutally for doing now and shouldn't.

      On another post, this is the kinda thing I was talking about with the NEW IIN community. Believe it or not, back in the good days all the posters weren't so judgemental and they all got along and used manners.

      I leave for a while, and come back to this. There's a bunch of nasty, uncouth comments on EVERY post. And it needs to stop. It's like IIN has cancer now.

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      • CDmale4fem
        8 years ago

        I hear ya, if only we could all be openminded and nonjudgmental. If we were, I could probably have found another accepting female that would like the idea of a dating a guy with his own lingerie collection.

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      • ______________
        8 years ago

        Sorry, I guess I'm a bit bitter about this sort of thing - it happened to me once but with something different. All things considered, it is quite a horrible thing to do, and sue me if I'm being judgemental.
        But isn't this site all about judging? Aren't you asking for people's judgements in the comments on your post?
        Moreover, there isn't anything wrong with the odd swear word is there?

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    Be careful and approach the topic slowly.

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  • Neuria
    8 years ago

    While you're going at it just act real excited and tell him to spank you or pull your hair. Use your hand to make him spank you if he won't move.

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  • harukim
    8 years ago

    can you look up into his eyes, while he is fucking you, and say "i want to be spanked, peed on, creampied and posted"? if not, find another man.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      I don't really like pee. And I won't find another one because I love him. We compromise very easily. Just didn't wanna make him feel bad because even though it seems like he never does mind anything, I still get worried about his feelings.

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      • harukim
        8 years ago

        OK, thank you so much for making clearer. By my experience, if he minds seriously he will tell you. i just listed the extremes that i had to experience with my ex-es. Good luck!

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  • handsignals
    8 years ago

    Piss puke whore?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Huh?

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      • handsignals
        8 years ago

        Zat 1 of ur fetishisms

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          Ew. No piss or puke. Not really my style.

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  • mystery7
    8 years ago

    Ask for what you want. Tell him what turns you on.

    But it's also important to set boundaries for what is ok and what is NOT ok for BOTH of you.

    I had one GF who absolutely loved it rough. I was ok with hair pulling, spanking, scratching, biting.

    But I was not up for anything beyond that ( e.g. choking). Going to bed with her was like being in a cage with a tigress!

    It was hot and it was fun and I didn't mind the scratches and bites all over me.

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  • derpyderp
    8 years ago

    Start talking to him, bringing up small things. If the conversation feels comfortable, embellish & tell him everything. Play it by ear.
    You should be able to tell your partner what you like & talk about sex openly.

    My only suggestion - tell him what you want HIM to do to you, not what others have done to you before

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  • NeofelisNebulosa
    8 years ago

    I've been in the same boat.... Just talk to him about it and drop the hint that you want him to take charge.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Should I be slow about it? Like one thing I loved was having my hair pulled. Should I bring that up and go from there? Or should I just lay it all out on the table?

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      • NeofelisNebulosa
        8 years ago

        Start with the small things and go from there

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