Is it normal i lied about this?

7 Comments

My boyfriend and I have been together a year. When we had first met we had a discussion about our previous relationships. I had lied to him and told him I had lost my virginity and I told him I partied a lot and had multiple men. He had ACTUALLY had multiple women in his past, and i felt quite intimidated but it was his past, so i didnt mind much.

A couple months later i finally decided to come clean. He had began calling me a liar, and saying he didnt believe me. He would always say I was looking for attention from guys at the beginning of the year when we had began going out, but i just had a lot of guy friends. Even now, one year and one month later, he calls me out about it, and accuses me of not loving him at the beginning of our relationship. He says I need to prove to him that i actually love him. What do I do?

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Comments ( 7 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago | pl

    A simple rule: if anyone ever asks you to prove you love them, walk away. If they demand it, run.

    A guy accusing a girlfriend of seeking the attention of other guys is also a bad sign (assuming she hasn't been deliberately doing that). That suggests someone who's very insecure and highly possessive. No sane person wants to be with someone like that, and if a sane person sticks with someone like that, they won't stay sane for long.

    A guy who's still getting bent out of shape over something that happened more than a year ago is someone who holds grudges, and that's not the kind of person you want to be with either. All relationships change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. What happened in the past isn't insignificant, but what's happening right now is far more important.

    And, from what you say, what's happening right now isn't exactly great. I suggest you try to take a step back and have a serious think about your relationship. I also think you need to be wary of this guy trying to manipulate you and guilt you into doing things you don't really want to do.

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  • paramore93
    5 years ago

    I respect you for coming clean. Honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship. He wants you to prove that you love him for something minor that happened a year ago? That sounds like narcissist talk to me. Do you feel like you're constantly jumping through never-ending hoops to please him?

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  • CozmoWank
    5 years ago

    Find a new boyfriend.

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  • JD777
    5 years ago

    Sadly, people often lie about their past at the beginning of relationships, so you having done so is pretty normal. That doesn’t make it right, though. And, like you, the lies often come back to bite them in the ass. Breaking trust is a great way to mess up a relationship. An old saying goes something like “It takes many truths to gain trust, but only one lie to lose it forever.” It could be he’s been burned before by liars and is now overly sensitive to it. Regardless of whether your lie is minor, or not, it’s his reaction you have to deal with. And his reaction is pretty severe and possibly unreasonable. Could be your relationship is pretty much over.

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  • JOY_DOPAMINE
    5 years ago

    You shouldn't have lied tbh, you had to be yourself and always remember this, especially when dating: BE YOURSELF!
    i also think he overreacted over that

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  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    Ask him "how do I prove to you that I love you". If the answer is in anyway disrespectful or unreasonable then walk away.

    The answer probably will be disrespectful or unreasonable, but if you love him then at least give him the chance to answer. He might surprise you.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    It's not good to lie, but it looks like you learned your lesson. To tell you the truth, he doesn't seem like a very nice guy at all. Maybe you can meet someone nicer who doesn't trigger you to lie? I feel like he probably has been critical of you all along, otherwise you might not have lied about all of this. Believe me, I hate lying, and I don't usually make excuses to cover people's asses. I think you should be honest as much as you can. I do think that if you feel like you want to lie to someone about yourself you need to backup, and take a good, hard look at the situation. If I were you I wouldn't look for people with whom I can't be myself. All you can do now is tell him the truth, and tell him why you lied. Apologize, and ask for him to forgive you. If he holds this shit over your head, and uses it as an excuse to manipulate you, and control you then he is probably not the one for you.

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