Is it normal i kissed a transwoman?
I wouldn't really call her a friend since I've never been that close to her, but I've known her for a while, before she started transitioning. It's a pretty big change physically and it's still weird for me, and it's hard for me to disassociate mental images from when her body was more masculine. Anyway, she's been really depressed lately. Well, she always has been, but it's been getting worse. I was worried about her, so after her class I had lunch with her. She didn't talk much.
After we got back in my car, I asked if she wanted to do anything, she just shrugged. I ended up going back to my apartment and letting her in. She followed me in without saying anything. Eventually I got her talking about things. There were some very dark subjects, but I was happy just to give her a chance to talk about things. We went on about stuff for hours. There was a moment of connection and we kissed. It just felt like the thing to do. I was kind of surprised with myself, I didn't expect to do that. But it happened. She was happy about it but it left me feeling weird. I took her to her home a little later.
I've been thinking about it since. Even though I kissed her, I don't think I could be attracted to a transsexual. I don't want to be transphobic or anything but I just don't think I could be comfortable in a relationship like this. I don't know what she's expecting but I hope she's not planning on it being anything more than that one kiss, because I don't want to be responsible for her depression worsening. On the other hand, if she does think there's more where that came from, it would be my fault because I still kissed her, so from her perspective I've given her every indication I'd be willing to go on with something like that.
But beyond what I'm going to do next, I also have to know, why did I do it? It was like any other first time you kiss someone, we followed the feeling of the moment and that's what it led us to do. Normally her being transsexual would stop me long before I did anything like that, but in that moment, it was just me and her. For some reason, it didn't matter then. I know I shouldn't worry about it but it seems like something I wouldn't do. How can I stop thinking about it so much?