Is it normal i have feelings for a girl? does that mean i'm gay?
I don't know why, but lately I've been getting really weird feelings around my best friend Sarah. I've known her since 2nd grade and we're both 20 right now, both juniors in college.
Anyway, recently she's had problems dealing with her dorm mates because they are really loud late at night, So, she asked if she could sleep in my room for the semester. I of course said yes, because we are true friends and I would do anything for her and I know she would do anything for me. We are practically sisters.
Well anyway, the only thing that is a little uncomfortable is that my bed is kind of SMALL. It's not TOO small, but it's almost like it's JUST big enough for two people, but not a lot of extra room to kind of have your own space..
So anyway, the other night, she asked me if she could use my shower, and I said no problem. When she came back, she was wearing pajama pants and her hair was pretty wet. I thought she looked really pretty with hair wet, but didn't really think anything more of it..
Anyway, she wears contacts and she always takes them out before bed. For some reason while she was taking out her contacts in the mirror I noticed that her butt seemed to stick out a lot in her pajama pants. Not in a bad way... It was just more noticeable I guess, and I kind of thought it looked kind of nice i guess lol, I don't know if I was subconsciously comparing myself to her, or if it was something else, but I didn't really think much of that either.
Well after that, I turned off the lights and we talked for awhile in bed until I got sleepy and asked if we could sleep. She then smiled at me and said she was so thankful for me letting her sleep in my room, because she really needs the sleep, and that I was her lifesaver and she loves me so much and that I'm the best friend in the world and stuff like that lol. Well Anyway, after she said all that, she did something that she's NEVER ever done in all the years we've been friends. She gave me a kiss on the lips... It wasn't a real kiss. It was a TINY little pop/peck kiss.. But still, I wasn't expecting it at all. I didn't wanna make anything awkward so I just smiled back and said "You're welcome!"
Now if that wasn't weird enough, the weirdest part is that after it happened I was actually feeling kind of excited..! I had butterflies racing in my stomach for almost an hour before I got myself to sleep. I also had a soft warm feeling in between my legs.. not "horny", but definitely SOMETHING going on...
Anyway, that was a few nights ago. I'm sure she was just being extra nice with the kiss to show her appreciation. She didn't do anything like that again. However, the weird thing is, that ever since that night I can't stop thinking about that kiss, and I keep feeling excited around her when she wears pajamas and when she's close to me in the bed. I also mentioned before that I didn't really get "horny" or whatever, but now I actually have found myself a tad WET at some points during the night.. :/
Anyway, I really don't think I'm gay. I haven't had a boyfriend, but I've liked a lots of guys throughout school and I've had romantic feelings for them. However, one I guess possibly "strange" thing about me is that I've NEVER fantasized about a guy sexually. It seems too weird. I don't really like the concept of a big thing sticking out of their legs. I don't know how that exactly "turns on" some girls, but it doesn't really work with me.
Whenever I want to "get off", I never think of guys. HOWEVER, I don't think of GIRLS either... I just masturbate to make myself feel good. I don't really think of anything in particular, I just get turned on by how good it feels I guess...
But Anyway, I hope this is enough information to help you get a good idea of what I'm going through!
I really would like some helpful answers, because I'm a little bit scared and confused about this whole situation...
Thanks for the help guys!
- Elise