Is it normal i hate being born female?

63% Normal
42 Comments

Don't want to read this? Skip to the bottom.

Ever since I can remember I've wanted to be a guy. When I was little I cut my hair short by myself so people would think I was a boy. Naturally, my parents freaked out at my messy job yet refused to let me get it properly cut when we occasionally went to the hairdressers.
That was probably the best time for me, when random people referred to me they'd say "young man" or "boy", of course this era didn't last long.
When I reached my, sadly all girls, secondary education, any girl with tomboyish short hair would be isolated and called a "dyke". From then on, I kept long hair.
...
Now that my body is fully matured, simply cutting hair obviously won't work. I don't know what the hell to do, I'm constantly upset over this and have had depressed episodes over it. Sexism is the worst it's like, "I'm not meant to have a goddamn vagina, I'm not what you say! I don't want the damn thing!"

Multiple times I've considered saving up for a full on sex change but it would do no good, my parents have barred me from anything of the sort and would instantly release to everyone in a 10 mile radius that I was "transsexual". Shortly after trying their best to humiliate me like they did with my hair, I'd instantly be disowned from them.

What the hell am I meant to do!? No matter what I do I'll never be fully male, even if I somehow move to the other side of the world I'll still only be able to participate in women's sport and anyone I ever have a relationship with has to know I used to have a vagina.

For those who skipped:
I HATE being a female, I don't want to be it and have gotten seriously depressed over this. My parents will disown me if I have anything like a sex change and they're incredibly expensive for my current income.
Is this normal at all? Or am I seriously just a transsexual, forever stuck in the wrong body?

Thanks for reading, advice greatly appreciated.

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 52 votes (33 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 42 )
  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    There are a lot of people that have done Female to Male transformations and been completely happy. I have a friend who just finished his last surgery to become a man about a year ago, and along with the hormone therapy, he is now completely happy. Do whatever you want with your own body, if you will be happier as a man, I say work your ass off to become successful enough to be able to afford the surgery and go for it!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    If a brain transplant were easy, painless, and reversible, I'd happily share my body with you. We could take alternate weeks.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Aha, thanks Dappled. Made me laugh a bit, I hope it's possible someday.
      (Good to have you back on IIN btw!)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Why, thank you, Miss Anonymous Poll Creator. If they perfect this technique tomorrow, I promise I'll stand by my word.

        Although I'm scared that I'll keep forgetting to sit down to pee when I'm in "you" mode.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • cookiesaregreat
          11 years ago

          My God dappled. Is it really you? I cannot believe my eyes.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • dappled
            11 years ago

            It's really me. Your eyes are not lying to you! :D

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • cookiesaregreat
              11 years ago

              I am so glad to have you back, you were and will always be my favorite iin'er.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Oh man, how awesome would that be though? Seriously? I mean even just to be like a hot girl for a week and have idiots paying for your drinks, and then when it gets old you can go back to your old body?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Shush you! I'm trying to convince a woman to let me lend her body and at the same time make out that I'm doing her a favour!

        Luckily she'll never see this. It's not like she's the OP or anything.

        Oh.

        Damn. :/

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • Captain_Kegstand
        11 years ago

        Agreed! Although I would have to find a "host" body that is okay with her body being a lesbian during my "occupation" times.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You will never be a real man. You may be able to look like one with a sex change, but by doing that, you aren't a woman or a man, you're an artificial like man.

    Stay as a female, embrace yourself.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Malarkey
      11 years ago

      People like you are the reason that Transmen such as myself fear coming out. That attitude of "i'll never be a real man" Well, y'know what. I've never touched hormones, i've had no surgery, but I AM A MAN! Why? because that's how i believe i should be; how i will be. If anyone reads this that needs help, don't listen to that person.

      YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE; NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT BUT YOU!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      4
      4
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Then you are deluded. There is more to being a man than just a penis and muscle. Both the genders have different mind sets. You can change the body as much as you want, but that doesn't make you the real deal. You may not want to hear it, but it is the truth.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • dom180
          11 years ago

          I disagree. It's my opinion that people who want a sex change generally feel that their mindset is already at odds with their body; they want to change their body to comply with their mindset. For example, the OP probably feels that s/he has a male mindset, and this is held back by his/her female body.

          Also, a sex change generally involves hormones, which would change a person's mindset to that of their "new gender" regardless of what it would be like before.

          I think that born man who has a sex change into a woman is as much a woman as born woman, and the same goes for female to male transsexuals.

          The main thing I don't like about what you said is that you say it is truth. Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you are allowed to call it truth, as if calling it truth discounts the validity of the other person's viewpoint. You should at least be willing to listen to other people's points of view; claiming your point to be true when it's clearly disputable is close-minded. You can only call truth on an evidence-based discussion, and this is a philosophical one about when gender starts and begins. There is no correct answer, there is no truth.

          You are free to disagree with my opinion about what makes a man a man and a woman a woman, but you can't claim your point to be true because nobody can be right in this discussion.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          4
          4
            -
          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago

            I dissagree. I don't think that somebody feeling as if they're a male mean they have a males mindset. It's one thing to act like a male, but thinking like a male is different.

            Yes, but it would be a fake male mind set, which is what I said originally. I'm not sure if these hormones make them have the male mind set 100%, either. I may be wrong, though.

            I don't agree with that bit. Sure it is a sad thing that they were born in the body of the gender they don't want to be, but I don't think they can be exactly like the gender they're not but want to be, there are too many differences between the two genders to just turn one in to a man to a real woman, and the same in reverse.

            I agree, I shouldn't of said it as truth, bu I do believe what I said to be true.

            I believe there is truth. There are physical differences between the female and male brain, so if one is a woman's brain, she is a woman, etc.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            -1
            -1
              -
            • thinkingaboutit
              11 years ago

              You don't understand what androgens are or do, do you?

              Rhetorical. I can tell it's another thing you don't know.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
            • whaddaheyell
              5 years ago

              While there are some differences between male and female brains on average, it isn't possible to sex ID a brain. There is far too much variation in the general population to make such broad generalizations about sex and brain structure as you appear to believe. Doing so results in harmful, inaccurate stereotypes and also has the effect of erasing transgender and intersex people. The same applies to cognitive styles and variations related to sex. And yes, sex is on a spectrum and it has a bimodal distribution. There are all kinds of variations between what's considered "standard" male and female biology and physiology. And hormone treatments do actually influence emotions and behavior. Hormone exposure in utero as well as an individual's natural endocrine function also influence sex, sexuality, gender ID, and gender expression in life. Sex and gender are not clear-cut; sex and gender are not binary systems, whether you're talking about biology, physiology, psychology, etc.
              There is no "male" brain, not is there a "female" brain. Differences on average do not accurately represent the diversity within existing populations.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
        • shade_ilmaendu
          11 years ago

          I honestly kind of feel like this would be a difficult statement to make with 100% accuracy, simply because it's near impossible to fully understand the way another mind thinks. But that's just my two cents, I say they should think about it, get the necessary counselling and make absolutely sure it's what they truly want.

          Plus, I've always wondered how often is it that a transgender is a child who was born with ambiguous genetalia? It's more common than people think, and of course it's fixed before the child leaves the hospital. I remember I read an article a while back about a "girl" who never had her period and when she went to the doctors she found out she was supposed to be a man, but the doctors snipped the wrong thing. Until the child hits puberty there's no way of knowing if they made the right decision or not.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      That's true and that's what hits me hard. I'll never be a real man and I'm finding that very hard to accept.

      I hope one day I'll be able to come to terms with it, one day I won't get so affected by what sex I was born as and one day I can just get over that I am indeed female.

      But for the moment and the years I've lived my life, I'm unable to. Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

      Either way, thanks for an honest opinion and perhaps I'll be able to embrace it in the future.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        I was just telling you how it is. I don't think you'll get the full feeling of being a man, so you would be giving up your real female body for a fake male one, which I would say is a ripoff for you.

        Wait for a few years to think about it before acting on it, just incase.

        If you still wish to do it, then that is your choice.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • whaddaheyell
        5 years ago

        If you want to transition, that is your right. If you want to identify as a man, that identity is just as valid as that of a cis man. There is no single "male" mentality, nor is there a single "female" mentality. There isn't a uniform male or female body, either; there's so much variation. If it will help you feel at home in your own skin,then I think transition is worth considering. I'd recommend that you find an LGBT-affirming counselor or psychologist to help you explore and process these feelings, and, if you decide you want to, transition. Whether you do or not, it's your choice and your feelings are valid. Your body is your body, and if you transition, there's absolutely nothing fake about that.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • whaddaheyell
    5 years ago

    The feelings you've expressed would qualify you for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. It sounds to me like you are transgender. I think you should find an LGBT-affirming counselor or psychologist so you can explore these feelings in a safe, confidential setting. If you do want to transition, then they can help you do that. If not, then that's also totally ok! It's your body, and your life, and if transitioning socially and/or physically would help you accept yourself and live a healthier, happier life, then I'd say go for it!
    I'm not gonna pretend that that's easy, though. The issues you mention with your family are no joke and really common for people in the LGBT+ community. That stuff does make it really hard to pursue transitioning if you're considering it. That fear is justified and it is risky, and you know your family best, so whatever you do, it's in your best interest to hide it from them it sounds like.

    You could maybe start hormone therapy as a first step to transitioning, and if you're seeing a therapist and a doctor for that treatment then it is none of their business. I know that won't necessarily stop them from prying, but you're under no obligation to tell them about that stuff.

    Whatever you do, be safe. Maybe check out some supportive online LGBT communities for some emotional support.
    The psychology Today website has a helpful search function where you can look for therapists in your area,and you can specify LGBT issues as a specialty in an advanced search: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gender
    Take care!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • EndlessSuffering
    11 years ago

    You may be transgendered, I know it's hard but you're not the only person in the world like that. Wait until you're older and have money and get a place for your own and start therapy.
    Best of luck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • lisassss
    11 years ago

    if you can't embrace it then be a boy! the're s nothing wrong with it. get a sex change if you can or just be a dyke for now, it's okay. you don't have to do stuff just to live up to your family's expectations. if they really love you they will see that you're much happier, and if they won't well fuck them okay? soround yourself with open minded people and be honest about yourself from the start. Good luck, i'm sure things will turn out fine for you

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    I think you're transexual. You'll never be able to achieve your desire if you continue to live with your family. They're denying you the right and you're denying your reality. If you're of college age, go to college and get a education. Move out and cut ties with them if you can. Get your money saved up and have your surgery.

    In a sense, I know what you're going through. I wish you good luck:)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • LeifurEirikson
    11 years ago

    I would kill myself if I were a girl...just saying.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • kaki
    11 years ago

    yess you are normal and don't let anyone not even your family tell you different. we are who we are, if becoming a man will make you happy in life than go be happy. and if anyone tries to say it's wrong to be who you are then tell them this '' they can kiss your ass because you will live how you see fit , so they can go to hell ''. now go live your life i hoped this helped even a little.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    11 years ago

    It's weird because females have it easier.
    I'm a dude and hate every part of it. We have to get a job. We have to approach girls first but when they find you unattractive they call you creepy. We think of sex all the time but hardly get it while women can get it anytime with anyone but don't really value it. You get free food/drinks/clubs etc.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • whaddaheyell
      5 years ago

      Girls do not have it easier. Being female has it's own unique challenges, just as being male does. It's not a matter of finding someone unattractive that makes them creepy or not. No, women can't get it just anytime with anyone when they want it, if a woman has a sex drive then yes, they do value it. And the thing about getting free stuff: although it may seem to be a nice thing to do, and it's often expected that a guy will give a girl stuff, some guys seriously expect sex as a repayment of sorts, so they throw free stuff at a girl to push them to have sex with him, and it can feel awful at times. It's hard being a person, male or female. Don't make dismissive comments like that when you don't even know what it is like to be a woman.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Alarid
    11 years ago

    I for example have thought about some sort of plastic surgery, but I'm fully aware that it's because I don't like being me.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Alarid
    11 years ago

    I don't think it's normal to hate yourself for what you are. Talk to a therapist about it, because it might not be that you wish to be a boy, but that you don't want to be you.

    There are too many people that are "okay" with sex changes, without actually thinking about the person who has to go through with it. Some people think it's what they want, but you need to talk to someone to sort it out. Definitely not people on here, because they will just blindly state they are fine with it, or that they are against it, without actually knowing anything about it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • anti-hero
    11 years ago

    Be butch and get a soft pack until you can afford to become the man you wanna be.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    be a boyish girl then cut yr hair wear the clothes affect the mannerisms, you can be a wo-man part wo part man, be proud wo-man

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • GuessWho
    11 years ago

    Okay, You've told us that you don't want to be a woman.

    Mind telling us why?

    There's nothing stopping a woman from living a guy's lifestyle.
    Is it just the body you're obsessed with?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Sure, I didn't explain that very well or at all really.

      It's mainly the lifestyle, I'd rather have a guys body too but if that were the only thing then moving away would be a good choice.

      As for living a guy's lifestyle, that's true it's a lot easier for me to than if I were a guy wanting to be a girl. According to social acceptance, at least.

      But not completely. The kind of people I'm surrounded by are strict and religious, guys and girls roles are very different. I guess I just don't feel I fit the role I've been assigned and just want to live a normal guy's life style. I just feel that's me, you know?

      My apologies if that's very poor explaining, thanks for reading and commenting though.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • GuessWho
        11 years ago

        I suppose it depends where you live, but in many places there are no longer gender roles in society. Men and Women both have to be able to do everything. There are many families with both parents working and taking turns to take care of their kids since a family can no longer live off just one income.

        I think you should learn to love your body as it is and just go live in a place where men and women are treated equal.

        As for relationships: There are many guys who don't like "girly girls" and will appreciate someone like you.
        Unless, of course, if you're into girls, then you'd probably still have a better chance as a lesbian than a transsexual.

        Guys also respect a woman that can "hang with them." If it's about hobbies and activities common to men, women can earn a lot of respect by showing guys they can do it too. Although, this may also depend on where you live and how old you are.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0