Is it normal i get upset & jealous when seeing a happy family
When my mother was pregnant with me my father wanted her to get an abortion, which she refused. When I was born my parents often argued and would abuse eachother by calling eachother vulgar names. When I was around five my mother kicked my father out so it was just her, me and my younger sister.
My mother would beat us up and call us names, this continued until she gave us up to our father due to her having an accident at work which rendered her unable to care for me and my sister.
My father and me use to argue everyday and I hated him, he would call me names, yell at me and ignore me and only give attention to my sister.
Now I'm 18 and my dad is getting old, he tells me he regrets the things he did and wished he didn't leave his wife for my mother. He has been living off of government payment for the last ten years due to not having a job. Me and him still sometimes argue but I don't hate him anymore.
My mother lives alone and due to her accident uses it as an excuse not to get a job and live off government money. She still hates my father and claims he ruined her life.
I rarely see my youngster sister because she stays in her room all day, the only time I see her is at dinner. We used to be close until she got diabetes, it went downhill there.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't born, and when I see a happy family out in public or TV I feel bitter and I want to kill them because my family was never happy. Is it normal to feel this way?