Is it normal i feel like i ruined his life?

57% Normal

So heres the thing. I became friends with this guy that was living at my aunts house last year when i went out of state. He is my uncles in laws nephew with no relation to me. Anyways, since we lived in the same house we spent everyday together and by the second day we would go outside and talk till the morning about everything, Dreams, our past, funny thoughts, politics EVERYTHING and we knew everything about each other. It came to the point were we had our own language and signals, we were inseperable. Sometimes we would just lay under the stars in our own comfortable silence. It was wonderful. After four months of being best friends I was beginning to fall for him, and me being my unexpiranced, cynical about everything self i didn't really believe that he could feel the same way. Until one night he just kissed me (first kiss), it felt so weird and natural almost like it was TOO perfect. Our relationship wasn't one of those infatuation, stars and rainbows kinda ones, it was sweet at times funny at others. I'm sorry i'm rambling but i just want you to understand the way we felt. well my mom hated the idea that her youngest was growing up, so she was completely against me and him spending time together (keep in mind she had no idea we kissed or even had slight feelings for each other so she made us move back to our original state. I was heart broken trying any excuse to stay with no success. so we texted and talked everyday but after a while he started sounding more and more depressed, stressing how much he missed me and i him. I love this silly , wise, smart boy that taught me about the world so him sounding so lost broke my heart even more. The last time i talked to him he sounded completely differant. He said that he felt so alone and that he wished i just came back and relieved his stress for a while, but my sister just had a baby so i told him as much as i wanted to see him, that i wanted to watch her grow up and my birthday i would go back and spend it with him.that night he asked me not to hang up. so i talked about nothing inparticular while he stayed quiet, justc adding to the convo with "if i fall asleep, i'm sorry i just miss hearing your voice". The next day i tried texting and got no response. for days i tried again and got nothing and i started panicing. calling around and noone had seen him (he moved out of my aunts house a couple months prior) thanafter harasing everyone to find out they finally told me that he robbed a convinance store and would be facing 12-40 years! That didn't sound like the boy i(he was valedictorian, and really smart) but he did sound odd our last talk. Is it normal that i'm terribly guilty that he might have did something reckles cuz he missed me and thought i didn't feel the same way? :c Sorry about typos, it's just eating me alive. I just love him so much...

Voting Results

57% Normal

Based on 51 votes (29 yes)

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Comments ( 10 )

ohheytherefog

12 years ago

It isn't your fault. Some people handle these negative feelings in different ways. It isn't your fault that he could not deal with the fact you were separate.

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

You should be with him, in person if you can.

It's not your fault though, there's no way you could have known. How come you're okay without him but he's not okay without you? Does he have friends?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I'm really not okay. It seems like everything reminds me of him, when i look at the stars i smile from memories, i always compare every guy that tries to get with me to him and everyone falls short, it felt like i was cheating on him if i so much as messaged a guy friend (even though we never confirmed that what we had was a relationship cuz we were too scared that if we really did say it that it would hurt that much more when they made me leave) I feel so frustrated being away from him but i knew it was for the better. I never really expirenced life like a regular person and when i came to Arizona i got my first job and paying my own rent, i'm still young, I could garenee that if i stayed in AR we would have fallen in love even more and moved in together like we joked so that they wouldn't be able to say anything, probably started a family and i'd go my whole life wondering what it feels like being independent. So we kinda had this unspoken agreement that we'd somehow end up together in the end.. He has friends, people that look up to him, but we offered each other this strange comfort.. It seems that if he ends up being in prison for 12+ years that as much as i want to wait for him that i might be wasting my life on just a possibilty.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    12 years ago
    
    If you are independent, why don't you two live together or at least live near each other?
    
    Is there any way you can see him before he goes to prison or just see him while he's in prison?
    
    I think that's very important, that you guys talk about you how feel, why this happened, and what you plan to do in your future(s)
    
    And if you do love him, he needs your support now more than ever.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      It's not that easy, he lives in a completely differant state than me. I trie staying but noone understiod why. All my family is in this state, I had no job or car to support myself and my family was decided that they didn't want me 'just wasting my life' as they put it, which is funny to me cuz noone really understands what i think or cares for that matter. I plan on still visiting him in April when i go visit Arkansas (when i have the money and time off work) but it might feel weird to talk to him about something like that, almost like i'm rubbing it in his face that i love him and wanna be with him, like, "Gee, ya couldn't have said this BEFORE i got locked up for several years?!" I'm planning on sending a letter tomorrow and hopefully i can get my point across that way. Neither of us really like awkward moments lol
      
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      - solidman
        
        12 years ago
        
        But if you really love him you will find a way to be with him and I don't think your wasting your life if your chasing something you want.
        
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joybird

12 years ago

You can't blame yourself. There was obviously a side to him that you hadn't seen yet.

Imagine that you two got married and had a massive argument coz he lost his job.... THEN he goes out and robs a convenience store!! You could be left with a couple of screaming kids!!

Even during hypnosis people will not do what is not within them eg. strip naked. So I am sorry to say that he had a self-destructive / evil streak in him. He didn't rob the place with the intention of getting caught.

So don't worry, you are young and you will experience this with at least another 5-10 men before you choose the one you want to marry. Please try to move on - focus on your sister's baby!!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  ..thank you. That Actually made me feel alot better :)
  
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  - joybird
    
    12 years ago
    
    Trust me, I'm a lot older and wiser. Glad to help you :o)
    
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Anonymous Post Author

12 years ago

sorry i mean *guarantee :)

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal i feel like i ruined his life?