Is it normal i feel god is against me

Try not to dwell on feeling negative

There is a God and He loves you very much, and He is love. He is evident in all the beauty of the world around us, from a newborn perfectly shaped and functioning baby sucking at it's mother's breast to the vast unlimited expanse of the starry heavens!
There is also a Devil, one who rebelled against God in heaven and was cast out into the earth for a period of time where he is allowed to temp and destroy.
This world is a battlefield between good and evil. It's no secret. We see some of each all around us every day. It's similar to a blind test between a new medicine and a sugar pill being conducted in a research hospital.
For the test to be fair and accurate the researchers can't interfere, they just watch, monitor, and record the results. When the test is over the new medicine is either accepted or discarded based on the results.
In our test the researcher (God) sometimes, but not always, does interfere upon special request from the subjects.
Regardless of what we go thru in this life it's only a moment in time compared to the eternity that comes next.
The test all boils down to WHO are we going to believe? In the beginning God told our first parents not to eat the forbidden fruit or they would die. Satan told them it's OK to eat the fruit and they wouldn't die. Can we just take a quick look around us today and see who was telling the truth and who was lying?
In this world none of us is immune to the evils around us whether it be sickness, violence, heartache or whatever. Even God's only begotten Son Jesus wasn't spared. He was tortured and murdered by the evil one, the liar.
Each of us needs to decide. Are we going to believe the lie that says God is an imaginary figure and this is all there is, or are we going to look at the evidence and say "there must be a God, and He loves me".

Sorry, my response was too long to post here, please read it using the link below.

<a href="https://godstruthisabsolute.wordpress.com/2015/08/20/god-with-us-not-against-us/" rel="nofollow">https://godstruthisabsolute.wordpress.com/2015/...</a>

In short, I think your feelings are completely normal. We are not perfect and sometimes it's hard for us to see God's presence in our life. But God is never against us, and he will never abandon us. God uses our sufferings to bring us closer to him. Even though we are unable to see his plan for us, God is actively working for our good in our lives.

God dedicates and entire book to this dilemma, the book of Job. Job lost everything, his family, his health, and even his friends did not comfort him as he lay suffering. Yet, despite his huge suffering, Job remained faithful to God and God rescued him. I have not suffered through the huge losses you have in your life, and I won't pretend that I understand all that you are going through, but God does.

Know that God has a plan for you. Trust that through the worst of times, He is still there with you. Look to him for salvation! Our suffering here is temporary, but the salvation won for us through Jesus Christ is eternal and complete. Not even the absolute suffering of Job can compare to the awesome glory of heaven. Have a great day!

I can relate to your story a lot.
If there is a God, he either does not interfere with our existence, or he doesnt care.

Life sucks and then you die. What's gawd got to do with that?

God isn't against you, because God doesn't exist.