Is it normal? i encouraged my bf to engage in a 3some then got hurt?

75% Normal
9 Comments

My partner and I have been together for 6 months. I have had several relationships in the past and I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter from my failed marriage.
My current partner who is 24 (7 years younger than me) is the only man who has made me feel so happy and lucky to be in love. Having said that, there are cons to feeling this way about him. I've never been the type to get jealous, in fact my ex husband use to argue with me for not being the jealous type! After a recent incident, I feel as though this has all changed, I went from being so chilled and easy going to a very jealous and insecure girlfriend.
Sex life with my current partner has been beyond amazing, at age 30, I've only just discovered all my g spots, thanks to him.
We both agreed to having a threesome with another female, or a foursome with another couple which was brought on by me and eventually he was also excited by the idea and we both agreed on the same terms. One of them being, we were not allowed to climax with the other person (male or female) before satisfying our partners. So our first encounter was with a 23 year old girl we'd just met and it was very exciting, We met up in a hotel room and she showered with him while I watched on. She started playing with him first and I was completely alright with it. He started fondling her and it was actually great watching tbh. They continued on and had sex whilst i joined in playing with her. I did find it a little hard watching him have sex with her in a way he was never like with me, but I still enjoyed it and didn't let the emotions get the better of me. Unexpectedly, he began to cum, he then pulled out and entered me, but I already knew what had just happened. In an instant I felt so hurt like he had just betrayed me. He went onto saying he'd gone soft without admitting he had just came. I didn't want to make a big scene in front of the girl we'd just met so I pretended to be oblivious and told him it was alright and tried to play with him a little more. Feeling disgusted, I pulled back and let the other lady please him and try to get him hard again, however, thy didn't go well as I must've killed his mood by whispering "you just came didn't you?" After that, he couldn't get hard at all. What really upset me again was he said he needed to have sex with her again in order for him to get hard so he can have his way with me. By then I was shaking in agony - why can't he just try to get hard with me? but i still agreed and told them to get it on and get it ready for my turn. He couldn't get hard at all, so the other lady left to go to the bathroom and as soon as he tried to speak with me, I did the unthinkable, something so terrible out of hurt and anger (I will speak about this in my next thread).

The session ended leaving me very disappointed and hurt, that day I cried it out and told him how i felt. I still want to cry everytime I think about it.

He has apologised on several accounts, we have tried to solve the issue and talk about it, but my insecurities have now gotten the better of me. I am a mess and can't seem to shake off this feeling. My heart feels broken and i feel as though I'm not good enough for him or I don't excite him as much as the other woman as she's much younger than I am. There are times when he doesn't end up coming with me and he says he's unsure why, so I try to finish him off in other ways, but with this girl, he came so quickly and couldn't even hold back - this made me feel very upset and my self esteem isn't great.

I really love him and I hate the person I've become. I refuse to have sex with him now because I'd get flashbacks of the incident. I feel as though I'm unworthy and just not good enough for him in bed, even though we had a healthy sex life prior to this happening.

It's tearing me up inside and i hate being so cold, i know I have issues which won't allow me to enjoy sex with him anymore. I wish I could turn back time and not have instigated this threesome because I've just made a huge mistake in letting this happen. Moving forward, I still don't know what to do, I don't want to leave him and he feels the same, but my insecurities have taken over and I can't help but feel angry. I want to know how we could get through this? Has anyone been in a similar situation like mine? Also am I being over dramatic over something that obviously had a high chance of turning out the way it did? Your advice will be much appreciated.

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75% Normal
Based on 8 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • driedroses
    6 years ago

    I've heard of stories like this before.

    It's really simple why you're upset. You both made a rule, and he broke it. But in my opinion, the rule was a very tedious one. Sometimes people climax without warning, and it can be difficult to hold back.

    What's done is done. It's normal to be upset, and I think all you can do is talk openly about it with him and try not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. Try to work through your emotions, so you can get back to having a healthy sex life. Don't let this one mishap be the end, and if you're having flashbacks maybe even consider couple's counseling. The interaction could have brought up some insecurities and emotional issues you weren't aware you had!

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    • Mischievous
      6 years ago

      Thanks for your advice driedroses!

      We are considering couple's counselling and I hope this works out for us. Our sex life hasn't improved, but I will keep the thread updated on how everything goes after our counselling sessions.

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  • Abused1
    6 years ago

    Damn lady lighten up you wanted it. Hell he can help that he cum in her hell I just about came thinking about it lol the reason he can't cum with you now is from the quilt trip you are giving.

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  • Murun
    6 years ago

    Sounds like you're maybe just not emotionally cut out for threesomes. Not everyone is. I'm pretty sure I'm not, though I've never actually tried so you never know! Such activities involving loved ones are very dangerous ground unless you're both really into it... Me, Aisling Bea and Susie Dent (*UK television women I have no emotional involvement with) sounds a lot easier to deal with than me, my actual girlfriend and a friend of the family... Welcome to the insecurity express!
    I think you need to be as open with your boyfriend about this as you have been with this post.. If you're going to sort it out and put it down to experience it will need talking about rather than guessing what each other's thinking. Best o' luck!

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    It is normal but you set yourself up for failure by putting rules in place that are difficult to do. Of course he is more excited to fuck a younger new woman. Asking him not to cum was a bit silly. It tells me you wanted him to prove his love to you only, and when he couldn't you became upset. These kinds of games are dangerous.

    In threesomes the point is to enjoy watching your partner get pleasure. Not wanting some selfish, only cum for me, limitation that is bound to fail.

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    • Mischievous
      6 years ago

      Hi Nikki,

      Thanks for your response. I completely understand where you're coming from, however, the agreement was a choice he made. He too did not want me to end the session with another man (but himself) if we were to engage with another man.

      You are correct in a sense that I may have wanted him to prove himself, but in saying that, I wouldn't have gotten upset to that extent if he didn't want this himself then break it.

      To me, it shows there would be more trust if we both could stick to our rules. Surely I felt somewhat insecure watching someone I love interact with another woman, but at the same time, it was incredibly sexy to watch and I would not cause any drama over it since we both agreed on giving this a go.

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    It seems you were not prepared for this threesome. Sex is not all about orgasms. Talk to him and sort out these issues if you love him.

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    • Mischievous
      6 years ago

      You are right, we were not prepared for this threesome. We love each other very much and are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this, definitely no more threesomes, well not for a very long time at least.

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  • bfus
    6 years ago

    Guys are wired to be more turned on by new/novel sexual partners, or partners they haven't fucked in a long time. They have bigger orgasms and cum more than normal. He probably wasn't even anticipating the difference and didn't know to stop earlier to prevent ejaculation. You really shouldn't be mad at him for this at all. It's harder to cum when you're under stress and feel bad about your sexuality, which is probably why he has problems now that you've been so negative.

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