Is it normal i didn't feel specially sad when my grandparents died?

79% Normal
12 Comments

In the last couple of years I lost my two grandmothers and my grandad. I wasn't very close to them but not too distant either. We got along well, and I saw them about 2 times a month. They all were very nice people.

The thing is, I didn't feel sad when news about their deaths came. I knew I was supposed to feel sad, and I felt like a terrible person for not feeling some kind of sorrow, but I wasn't intending on faking it either.

I remember them from time to time but I never, ever, feel sadness or nostalgia.

My best friend died in a car accident 2 years ago and I only cried once, during the funeral (I did feel extremely sad at that time). During that day I did feel sad, and felt some kind of absent-mindedness for weeks, but I couldn't describe it as pure, raw, sorrow. That was the only time I cried due to somebody's death.

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79% Normal
Based on 39 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • FrancoisDillinger
    11 years ago

    it's normal.

    I hate the shit out of my grandma.

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  • pauleleven
    11 years ago

    Well I lost my granddad last year, I wasn't sad because there wasn't anything to be sad about. He had great sons, and grandchildren. He learned about my admission results for high school(the only thing that made me cry a little bit.) He passed away when he was sleeping, and he actually had cancer. I consider it a kind of relief for him, and crying hell was not gonna bring him back and bringing him back probably means another several months of suffering for him. If he is kept alive by the means of others, IT IS NOT HUMANE AND SELFISH.
    Some people tend to cry when someone passes away, it is a way of going though the lost of a relatively close family member, but I just thought about it really hard.
    Also i found out that younger people can cope with this kind of stuff better than elderlies. At my granddad's funeral none of my cousins or me cried, but like literally every other person was crying.

    Paul

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    When it comes to your grandparents, this is completely understandable. I'm sure a lot of people would not like to admit this, but when you lose someone that didn't have a big impact in your life and that you weren't especially close to, it doesn't leave as much emotional residue behind as if would have had you been very close to your grandparents. To you, you wouldn't be losing much of anything.

    As for your best friend, I'd have to say, everybody grieves differently and it is OK. Some people grieve in very strange and unusual ways and it is possible that you don't have the "I could have been a better friend to them", "I could have spent more time with them" and "I could have done something to prevent this" and "They had their entire lives ahead of them" thoughts, which is what really bogs people down when their loved ones die.

    If you feel that you can't handle your grief for your friend, speak to someone, a counselor maybe. But if you feel like your style of grief is not an emotionally hindering you then just remember, there's nothing wrong with being a bit different. I'm sure that your friend wouldn't care to see you torn up and mentally ragged over them, anyway.

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  • GuessWho
    11 years ago

    I'm the same. (maybe even worse)

    I feel like I lost my emotions as I grew up.
    I could cry as a kid. I even cried when my dog died.
    ...But it's like I have nothing left now.

    I doubt I'd be able to shed a tear for anyone in my life now.

    I can't even feel true anger when I'm fighting with someone and thus don't take it seriously, even if they do.

    I really value anything that can get an emotional response from me, since it's so rare.
    A situation that could make me cry would be my most precious memory, even though it's a pointless one.

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    • JackBrown
      11 years ago

      I feel similar to that, it's very weird.

      What about positive emotions? I can feel many positive emotions, but the negative ones are very superficial.

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      • GuessWho
        11 years ago

        I would say I don't really feel any of the basic emotions.
        The best positive response you're likely to get out of me is a slight smile if you tell a very good joke.

        I'd say that I'm susceptible to certain complex emotions, but without the primary emotions upon which these are based, EVERYTHING feels superficial to me.
        I can't really feel strongly about anything, positive or negative.

        It's like my brain has faded out/ deactivated common emotions and a few more complex ones sometimes slip through because they're harder to target.

        If I were to "Hate" someone, that would be because I've come to the logical conclusion that they fuck-up so many things that the world would be a better place without them.

        If I were to "Like" someone, that would be because that that person and myself have similar interests and I don't get bored when with them.

        It's like my brain functions entirely on Boredom vs Enjoyment mode - I want to do fun things and avoid boring things, and I'm indifferent to everything else.

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        • JustShoveIt
          11 years ago

          You should go to a neurologist, that sounds like personality changes if that happened suddenly!

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          • GuessWho
            11 years ago

            It happened over a couple of years.
            It's like I've become less susceptible to emotions over time. (but I'm only 19 now)
            I sometimes wonder if they'll keep fading away until there's nothing left or if I'll just stay the way I am now.

            I wouldn't say my personality has changed in the process.
            I can still be friendly, polite, hostile, etc. but now due to concious effort to maintain such appearance rather than "pure" emotions.

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  • Maddie_J
    11 years ago

    When I was 5 and my dad died even I was sad I still cry today. All of my dads side is dead exept for my uncle and his daughter who went psycho and bought an island for million dollars and we haven't heard from them since so um yeah your not normal AT ALL

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    11 years ago

    Normal. Maybe it was because you weren't close to them like you were with your friend.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    I guess different people react differently to things. When my maternal grandmother died, my grief was so strong, it became physical seconds after hearing the news. I'm not understating it to say it was like being hit by a car.

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  • bananaface
    11 years ago

    It might just be a coping mechanism, like repression or something like that. If so, then it's normal.

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