Is it normal i constantly get used by men?

40% Normal
25 Comments

Recently this has started to really effect me mentally and it's making me feel very down.
Every man I have ever been with or dated has used me. I've been emotionally abused in pretty much every relationship. I've been psychically abused in one. Recently I've been seeing someone for a month and a half who's suddenly decided to stop speaking to me. After we got close to each other, I'd expect him to tell me truthfully what's going on but I guess he just used me for sex even though he seemed to want me for more.
I've slept with men on the first date or second date who have disappeared not long after. I have made some men wait for a month and more for sex but once they got it they soon disappeared too.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But it's making me feel like I must be a repulsive and revolting human being for people to disappear on me all the time and if they stick around, to emotionally abuse me.
I'm sick of getting feelings for people who disappear on me. I'm not clingy, I'm not too distant, I respect myself, I'm kind, friendly, funny and intelligent but men hate me. They make me feel I'm worthless and only good for sex.
Is this normal that I'm 20, never had a romantic love interest or relationship where I've been treated with respect?

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 35 votes (14 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 25 )
  • ucipher8
    10 years ago

    Dont take this the wrong way but its normal, as long as you allow yourself to be used by men.

    You shouldn't allow yourself to be used, but you do anyway and i know what thats like because i allow myself to be used, all the time. Its not as easy as saying, "Im not going to allow myself to be used".

    I blame my own personality for that. Letting myself get used because i know im strong and that i can learn from such types of, abuse. Yet i know when to say no and eventually quit and move on (only to find another "abusive" relationship that makes me wish i kept all my old ones)

    I feel its stupid for me to think that one day ill find the "perfect" relationship. Who can be THAT lucky in their lives.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Aliceee93
    10 years ago

    It's not your fault it's the men. You shouldn't have to have sex on a first date if you don't want too. And if they didn't like the wait and then left because of it what good are they? You need someone who will respect you. It's just finding the right one.

    But I wouldn't rush into anything with guys after this has happened to you, just take things slowly and get to know him and it should tell you what he's like, and if he leaves? Then he wasn't the right one and you weren't attached so It doesn't hurt as much.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • thegypsysailor
      10 years ago

      Hogwash. It is her fault.
      It may be subconscious, but this is all about the kind of men (boys) she is choosing. She couldn't possibly be that unlucky.
      OP; you need to re-evaluate how you choose the guys you go out with. Your choices thus far have sucked, obviously, so choose a completely different kind of guy and see how things go.
      Sex is not something that you should trade for affection, or give as a reward, no matter what mommy told you. If you are doing it because you are desperate for love, then you are going to come out of it unfulfilled and alone, every single time.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • Satanic_Cereal
        10 years ago

        OP don't listen to these assholes- no matter how many agree with each other. I've seen people agree on some very fucked up things. They're like a plague.

        No, it is not your fault, OP. Even if you so-called subconsciously choose wrong men. You still, consciously, try to improve the situation. It's hard to say whether the "subcsonsciously-choosing-the-wrong-men" idea is even correct- or just something people assume. If you do want to- you can choose to figure out how to choose better guys. But you need support/ encouragement for that-- not being torn down and blamed. I think the subconscious can be explored- but these assholes don't know how to talk about that. Nobody should expect you to either have control over your subconscious, or else be hated and blamed.

        It may also be valid, to assume that large amounts of the male population, in general, are not nice people. Perhaps it's nothing to do with you. I think there's nothing wrong with this idea- considering the *long history of sexism in the world. Which still cultures men to be more likely to hurt/ degrade women. I'm considering commenters on this poll itself (and others online)- are a sign that a large population here are emotionally abusive. You wrote that some men you dated were emotionally abusive. You were then given more emotional abuse by some commenters. The latter, you obviously did not "choose."

        You can have sex, or not, for any reason you want. People say if you meet someone & have sex the first night, in common assumption it will be a one night stand. Though- I'm a gal who seeks casual sex- and if a partner told me they wanted more than casual sex- even the first night we met- I'd be honest with them rather than lead them on. I think guys should be honest with you, as well. Also, no one should respond to your abuse story by trying to embarrass you more, with words like "vulnerable" to describe you (unless that's how you feel like describing)

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        ^ This.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • EccentricWeird
          10 years ago

          You can just click the green thumb. (but I wanted to publicly show I agreed with it) well nobody cares about some guy on the internet named "purpler".

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          -1
          -1
            -
          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            And what's wrong with publicly showing I agree with his comment?

            Nobody cares about some girl on the internet named "EccentricWeird" who makes bitchy comments.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            3
            3
          • Aliceee93
            10 years ago

            ^ This :)

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Stop going after douchebag men and look for a man that treats you good.
    The best way to tell how someone will treat you is by how they treat others.
    Also if they don't bring you around people they know, there is probably a reason. Find someone who has a good reputation with people who know him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • apersonlol
    10 years ago

    What I say is that you need to get to know the guy build a relationship and be yourself and make him wait a long time for sex okay I think really you need to get to know the person before you date them so that when you decide to have sex with him you know that he won't disappear from you okay thats what I think okay so I hope it helps

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • NotTheSun
    10 years ago

    It's easy, to peg at least, because you are only 20. Really, not many guys in this age range want to settle down. If your dates are your age, even easier call of judgment. It's just sex, the chase, the attained new vagina (sorry to be blunt) and the urge/fantasy of having sex with a new girl, can be satisfied once it's fulfilled. Say a guy wants a girl really bad, he'll treat her, date her, invest as some put it, until the goal is met. Keep in mind you may not always be the only one as well. Most young guys have a good amount of potential conquests, the ones' that hook them are just their type/have that "good-good", or are the girl they actually deem dateable. As where side girls can be just for the chase and easy, seeming to fulfill their urges. This is just a blunt take on the matter. You just have not met your "one", give it time. Early 20's are an immature age for guys, romantically. Some will get serious, with one, but that doesn't mean the hunt and desire diminishes. Monogomy Isn't a strong point this young, for guys. It's just sex, to the ones you have encountered, it's not you or something you do wrong. Quality guys are hard to find, at this age, so don't give in so easily, if it'll affect your mental state and self-esteem. Stop looking so hard, if you do, which by the sound of it, you want something specific and special. Learn to judge men, better. Because the nicest seeming guy, isn't always the nicest person and shouldn't be the sole purpose to sleep with them. They have intentions and you shouldn't be a one night stand, just because you thought character is based on dates and having sex. You should have things in common and at least become friends first. But as said. Intentions are not always straight forward with younger guys. It's sex. If you want it, sure, but don't think they're willing to wife you up at 20. You deserve better than that.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • lilmich
    10 years ago

    Maybe you should make them wait even longer then 1 month, they are obviously using you for sex, make them wait longer if they want to be with you for a relationship they shouldn't mind the wait.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • green_boogers
    10 years ago

    You are a magnet that attracts men who hate all women. You may project too much vulnerability.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • Crusades
    10 years ago

    So what? Blame other women for being stuck up cunts who turned most men into assholes. They just choose to use you before you use them. Are you mad about that? Because what are women good for these days? To commit to them? Making a family and kids with them, only to have the bitch ask for a divorce, suck your wallet dry and take the rest of your lousy income for child support? No thank you. I applaud all men who don't stick around after they get the sex. WISE choice!
    And besides, i don't get the "they use me" thing. I mean, shouldn't sex be mutual pleasure. Both side should benefit from it. That means, you use them too to get pleasure. Why do you say only they use YOU?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4
      -
    • NotTheSun
      10 years ago

      Take this jaded dumb ass, for instance. He sounds like a guy (boy) who isn't dateable to women. So he's the one who is used, just in other ways. If he actually has substantial income, doubtful as he speaks like a true troll with no life; These are also the types who act "nice", all the while honing this depraved mindset. As well as immaturity.

      One thing he does not get, girls don't enjoy sex 100% of the time, like men do. Guys, cum, that's that. Girls take longer and more efforts to even ensure pleasure is happening. Often times, it's a chore, as well as yes it will feel good to girls, but if they are not familiar with their body/entirely comfortable, they won't climax. Just have sensations. But not orgasm. So don't bring, the easiest thing for a sexually educated man to understand, to a post that just shows how the lackluster / ignorant males think. You make it humorous and look stupid. Unless you just love living on a site, where no one ever agrees with you and incessantly post, only to attain multiple "down" voted comments? Trolls. Ignorant boys. Why are they even reading/partaking in questions they have no idea, or place in? Because like I said, bitter, jaded and lacking a life.
      So very comical. Get over it. The vag owns you and you know it, Crusades. This one lives on here, always getting verbal lashing, now I see why! :) Happy hunting, for somewhere you belong.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Crusades
        10 years ago

        What the hell are you talking about? lol

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • NotTheSun
          10 years ago

          "It" gets confused. Shocker. But morons are confused quite often. Judging by your desire to live on this site, with no input, just troll comments, negatively charged nonsense, and now on this post, butt hurt because you've been jaded by women; You basically are a moron, who shouldn't post, regarding people's situations, unless you have helpful input, even disagreements and lamenting should hone some articulation and something substantial. Judging by the crappy looking house/apt you're posing in, you DO spend that said "lousy" paycheck on child support payments. Oh, but with the quentiesstial, "I get laid more than" headline. Sounds like you plug your peen unprotected, knock girls up, std-ridden too? And troll online in your free time. You are judging this post for a reason and chose to comment with such stupidity for the same. You're bitter. A troll. Make all guys on here look bad. Go elsewhere. People complain about you for a reason.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Crusades
            10 years ago

            That's not me in the picture you clueless waste of human residue. It's the LA beast.

            It's people like you who encourage me to keep trolling although i thought maybe it's time to stop, but you prove that there's still enough stupidity out there to exploit.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • NotTheSun
              10 years ago

              So a trolling creep, who likes posting pictures of lame people, called LA beast? Point proved.
              Weirdo AND have the stupidity to say, "encourage me to keep trolling", wow, admitting you have no life. How about you get a life, so this is not as sad. Poor trolls, live to spiel judgment and comments online, lacking friends, wah wah wah
              Keep trolling! There are kids also living with their parents all their lives who need you!

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0