Is it normal i can't seem to get into a serious relationship?

77% Normal
12 Comments

4 years ago I was in a very abusive relationship with a guy constantly shutting down my intelligence, my feelings, and basically anything I had to say. Then I found out he had cheated on me twice, and he was so manipulative he somehow twisted it into my fault for not being enough for him. All of that caused me to fall into a pretty bad depression, I slept all day, lost 20 pounds in a month, and didn't really see my friends.
Finally, when I did get out and about again, I found myself not just not being able to get attached to a guy- but not even wanting to. The first year after that breakup I was torn apart with no self confidence and major trust issues. I couldn't even think of a relationship without feeling heavy anxiety.
The second year single, I worked on myself. I put a lot of effort into just getting myself to be happy and stable (emotionally and financially). I got there, mostly. I still had confidence issues, but I was starting to consider relationships and got reinvolved with a fwb from the past.
The third year single, I started wondering why I was getting to the point of meeting people, going on a few dates... and then they just never went any further. I just couldn't connect with anyone, and again I started getting pretty depressed. I worked through it, and decided to just continue putting effort into being happy with myself.
Year 4 is upon me, and I'm a beautiful, financially stable, smart, independent, kind, caring woman living on my own with my own car and I'm mind blowing in bed. I still have some confidence and trust issues (I'm terrified no man will ever want me for more than how I look and fuck, or at least thats whats going on in the back of my mind) but in all I have a TON of people (myself included) wondering why I can't seem to get into a serious relationship. Is it normal to be an attractive, stable, usually happy, 23 year old woman to be single for 4 years? Is there something wrong with me?

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 43 votes (33 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Ibelievethis
    11 years ago

    It's no wonder that you're reluctant to start a relationship after what you have been through.
    However upon analysing your thread I would say there is absolutly nothing wrong with your confidence. Infact to be honest and this comes with no disrespect but I would say that you are ridiculously over confident about yourself.
    I must add also some people are not cut out for relationships. I am 30+ and I have never had a serious relationship just a string of one night stands. xx

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  • Steve92
    11 years ago

    Normally I would advice you to get into one, but its really painful sometimes!!!!

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  • whatdoyoumeannormal
    11 years ago

    You should keep being single, and dont chase after a relationship. chase your goals instead. The confidence(and by this I mean the respect for yourself) within is what make you really beautiful. You should try to find ways working on the way YOU percieve yourself, and not take other peoples word for it. I know its harder then it sounds, but believe me. You dont want to be in a relationship where you dont love yourself. If you dont love yourself, you can never really love someone else in a healthy way. You dont want to raise a child and still have that opinion in the back of your mind, cause it will also affect how the child view themselves. Travel around the world. Meet new people, meet you in a different context and understand that you can evolve and learn from your experience with this A-hole you happened to run in to. now go! Good luck!!

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  • keef
    11 years ago

    It's normal, after what you've been through, to not connect with people for a while, and it's fine.
    I had a problem with finding someone serious for a while too, because my trust issues basically turned me into a slut, and when guys can easily fuck you, they figure that's all you're about.
    And don't feel bad about not being super interested in someone. You don't want to force a relationship out of yourself when you just think the person is okay, you want a relationship with someone you can really connect with, and people like that aren't always easy to find.
    Just give it time. Someone of interest may pop up out of nowhere, when you least expect it. Don't stress about being single, have fun with it, and just let things happen and fall into place however they may.

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    • purpmerp
      11 years ago

      That's where I am. I feel like I've turned into a slut. Really, compared to my friends I'm nowhere near how many people they've slept with, but even when they jump in bed right away with a guy, it seems to work out with them and they start dating right away and for at least 6 months. When I do this, I wind up with a fwb for over a year while I convince myself either that's all I want or that's all I deserve, finally I cut ties, they find a girlfriend right away and I'm right back where I started. I'm starting to give up, but I know I have a lot to offer. I just severed ties with my last fwb, and I'm going to do my best to not sleep with anyone until I find someone worth while... its just difficult because I'm human and I get really lonely :/

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      • keef
        11 years ago

        You're worth just as much single as you are in a relationship. Don't feel to lonely, you have friends to keep you occupied. I know it can be difficult when all your friends are taken, but then they're tied down and you aren't, so don't feel too bad.
        I actually surprisingly got with my current boyfriend after we started a friends with benefits type thing, I didn't expect anything to happen, because at the time I had no feelings for him at all, I was just being a slut lol :b
        So don't try to force anything, just let things fall together however that might happen, and keep your friends close so you have someone to talk to (:

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      • scandinavia
        11 years ago

        I am going to give you one of the best advices you will ever get in regards to getting a relationship!

        From experience (although I have never slept around) sleeping with a guy too soon usually means the relationship last for a 2-4 months tops.... I started changing my tactics of holding back as long as possible, try 2 months at least! I swear that this is what has worked for me in regards to get a man interested in having a long term relationship!

        Ps I am not at all judging your ways, just hope this advice will help you on your way to find someone worth having a meaningful connection with :)

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  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    Given what you went through, you may still need time to heal. Another possibility is that you just haven't yet met someone who interests you romantically. You might also have some fears, as you noted, about being wanted only for your physical self.

    Whatever the case, it's absolutely normal. If you're generally happy with your life and don't pine for a relationship, it's a good indicator that you're right where you need to be.

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  • squeallikeasacofpigs
    11 years ago

    Oh blah blah blah, just get on with it woman and stop dramatising.

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    • purpmerp
      11 years ago

      Oh blah blah blah, just be less of a douche man and stop judging. If were able to 'just get on with it' I wouldn't be sitting here asking strangers if it's normal. Try some empathy, if you're capable.

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      • squeallikeasacofpigs
        11 years ago

        You mad brah?

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        • purpmerp
          11 years ago

          Nah

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