Is it normal i can't get or hold a relationship

76% Normal
7 Comments

I've had one long term relationship when I was 14 which lasted until I was 18, but after that I haven't been able to keep a steady relationship going. It's been 4 years since I broke up with my boyfriend - he was abusive and cheated throughout the whole 4 years we where together, and I still suffer from anxiety and depression, which I believe is a knock on effect from the relationship. Every person I've started 'seeing' or dating has always ended up 'fizzling out' or they break up with me. The last guy I was seeing broke up with me as he said he didn't like the fact I was on anti-depressants. Any thoughts?

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 17 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Well, it seems you have a lot of 'baggage' (what you and/or your shrink are calling 'a knock on effect') for a 22 year old girl.
    Rather than coming up with cutesy names for an age old problem, why not dump the antidepressants and realize that you are one of hundreds of thousands of people who have freed themselves from a lousy relationship, but now needs to move on.
    Really, your whole life is ahead and you need to just forget your high school boy friend and stop letting him still control you.
    You are going to say, "It's not that easy." and you'd be right, but hiding in a haze behind antidepressants isn't a good way to face up to your problems and move on.
    He's in the past and the next guy will be great. We are not all like that asshole.
    Relax. Head up, shoulders back, you are going to be just fine.

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    • Polkablop
      9 years ago

      I don't think it's a good idea for her to just stop taking antidepressants if she's still depressed and has anxiety. Antidepressants are very helpful for some people and I don't think there's anything wrong with taking them.

      However, I do agree that maybe some other changes need to be made in order to have better luck in dating.

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  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    Why are you living in the past when you are in the present?

    Take your old relationship as a learning experience. You know about telltale signs and what to look for now and avoid those specific negative traits.

    I do feel for you, yes, hearing that you are on anti depressants in order to weed out the pain for a little bit. Those seeds will just grow again though. You need to accept and acknowledge the fact that you have been hurt but you also have to move on. Shine your sun on your heart and the nasty seeds in the back of your mind will fade away.

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  • dirtybirdy
    9 years ago

    I'm gonna break this ugly purple streak and suggest you dont worry too much about it. Work on your issues and don't be focused on trying to have a relationship. It will happen when it's meant to happen. These last few dudes just weren't that into you and that's ok. You're young, you have plenty of time.

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  • TheMightyOz
    9 years ago

    At least you are not me. My relationships fizzle out because I can't get it up. I am just pathetic.

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  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    Nobody's perfect hon, not even that "perfect" man. Don't give out any info you don't want to, you don't owe anyone details or reasons for anything ie why you take meds. Believe you're worth being treated great and don't put up with anyone who makes you feel less than you are. There are lovely men out there who feel just like you! You can't force romance it may happen when you least expect it.

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  • Spankz
    9 years ago

    Please do not allow your life to be affected by some douchey asshole that never cared for you. Yes, you might have loved and cared for him but it was clearly not reciprocated. You need to let go of the hurting he made you feel and embrace someone that will actually be worth having. A good boyfriend will not be put off by your anti-depressants, but at the same time you need to make sure you are mentally ready for a relationship.

    While there are some men that do not mind having a girlfriend with instabilities, they are far and few in between, at least at your age. They're young, full of energy and most likely do not want to worry about your depression (as harsh as it sounds). So my advice to you, OP, would be to embrace the single life for a while. Find what truly makes you happy and do not fall for the myth that true happiness comes from love, because it doesn't. Love is full of disappointment as well as triumphs, but if you aren't mentally ready to handle the bad you won't be able to fully appreciate the good. Work on yourself and do not view being single as something bad. Invest time in yourself and it will pay off, trust me. Being single is a time for self-discovery and having fun. That self-discovery could very well alleviate the anxiety in your life.

    Just lay low, live your life, be yourself and when you're ready for love it will find you. Just be patient.

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