Is it normal i can't come to terms with what my best friend became?

Long story, but I'll try to keep it short (I know people hate reading). Best friend had a severe collapse and was critically ill in hospital for weeks. Multiple organs failed, including his brain. After a long period, he's now out of hospital and recovering slowly but there is permanent damage (again, including his brain). Personality-wise pretty much everything that made him himself has gone. He recognises me again (for a long time he didn't), but talking to him is a bit like talking to a robot. There's nothing much in there that's recognisably human, like wit, or opinion, or enjoyment of anything. If you ask how he is, he lists his medications by rote. When he's finished, that's the end of the conversation. Every conversation is like that. Just a list of things. Then stop.

Over the years, we have got into countless scrapes together and have a huge shared history. I know it's uncommon for males but he and I spent about twenty or thirty hours together each week. We were very close. I don't recognise the person he has become and I feel like who he was has died. Then I feel guilty for this because I can see that his body is still working and something of who he was must still be in there. I talk to him less often than I should because it's upsetting me greatly. It's like someone you care about dying but not being allowed to put him to rest, and having constant reminders of what you have lost. Then I feel guilty again because he's the one in this state, not me.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone had experience of a family member with Alzheimer's or a stroke victim or something which erased someone's personality? How do you cope? Because I don't think I am. I don't think I am at all.

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Based on 19 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Boo!

    Be there for him in his time of need, be patient and strong. You can do this!?

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  • smartpatrol11

    Sounds to me like hes never gonna be his pld self again and he really hasnt got much to talk about except his medications and his condition. It could be a few years at least till hes nearly back to anything he was like before. Youll have to have patience and help him recover

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  • Crudhouse

    When I was much younger my grandfather got Alzheimers and he moved in with us. I must have been around 16 or something and he'd come between me and my mom and pick up a chair or something if I was close to her because in his mind I was just some guy who was trying to harass my mom.

    It was weird and painful, especially since it brought up weird feelings about my relationship with my mom (how's that for an uncomfortable relationship).

    I got used to it after awhile and I started avoiding my grandfather as much as possible. You're doing a great thing by being with your friends, but maybe you should think of him as someone else and not your original friend.

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  • plum6

    This is one of the heaviest stories I have ever read on this website. I just want to wish you and your friend all the best of luck and strength to get through this!

    Other than that I can't give you any advice because honestly I cannot even imagine this happening to me or a friend of mine.

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  • Anime7

    Well, it certainty does sound he has changed and you're a remarkable to still be around. I don't really have much experience dealing wit Alzheimer victims. However, maybe you two can try to work at the friendship. Frankly, I wouldn't be able to come to terms with my friend being gone. I would still believe that a part of him is there. I don't know if your normal or not, but I don't think that would come to terms with that if I was in your situation.

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  • Oh, hun, you don't have anything to feel guilty about, your feelings about your friend's change are natural. Perhaps you could read some stories/novels about people who've had a loved one with amnesia (of their life prior to the incident).

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