Is it normal i always have to deal with this?

Alright well to start this story off right I have to get into a tragic part of my childhood. I was out to a play with my parent's and we were all walking down a dark alley and some crazy nuts mugged us and then without any reason whatsoever shot both my parents, fucked up shit right? Well I was lucky enough to have a family friend who swore to help raise me and protect me after this happened and as it turns out he's a damn good butler as well with a hilariously dry sense of humor. He worries about me some times, since I tend to work long hours into the night out on the town doing whatever, but it aint no thang, my family had millions of dollars which is now mine anyway so I can do what I want. Some of the assholes I hang out with aint much better, but what are you gonna do? One of them is a real jokester, fucking idiot keeps acid in his boutonneire, and wears a hand buzzer so that when he shakes your hand it gives you a jolt, some people get a little hot under the collar (and I mean HOT!) when he does it to them, but he's alright I guess. Another guy is always sending me mail like "riddle me this and riddle me that, I mean wtf already, I get it you are clever, I dont have time to solve this dumb shit. And you wana talk about my dating life? Forget it, I got some crazy lady that dresses up as a cat, following me around trying to whip my ass with a bullwhip. Sometimes I think the only person who understands me is my partner, but then I think this dude's named after a bird, how messed up is that? I mean wtf, did his parents conceive him on some bird watching trip and think thats clever?? Because let me tell ya, it aint.

Well anyway is it normal I dress up in tights and spend my nights running around with all these yokels or what?

Voting Results
43% Normal
Based on 79 votes (34 yes)
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Comments ( 53 )
  • ...I knew this was a batman story by the start of the third line.

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    • Why not the first line? Batman knew it was about Batman.

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    • LookSomeonesWelding

      Likewise, and then the butler line was a complete reassurance.

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      • Agreed. Lol.

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    • NeuroNeptunian

      Too obvious.

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  • KnightNigelWellingtonXXI

    How the fuck does this get approved?

    Signed,
    Knight Nigel Wellington XXI

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    • Maybe if you lose the lame get up of being a british "knight", Nigel Wellington whatevers who saved the queen, some of your stories will get approved.

      Actually nevermind I just read the other part of your profile, "taco eater" ?? Nothing can change how lame you are.

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      • KnightNigelWellingtonXXI

        I suppose dressing up in tights and fighting crime isn't lame. IF you do do that. You don't.
        I'm assuming you wrote this because you thought it was funny or witty. Pretending you're Batman? Please I've heard and seen funnier and more creative stuff from Chris Brown.

        Signed,
        KNIGHT Nigel Wellington XXI

        P.S. I thumbed you up anyways because you might not be used to getting appreciated for your "comedic genius".

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        • Well I think some people enjoyed it and I enjoyed making it up. Of course its nowhere near as creative as some lame ass "knight" identity that "saved the queen as a royal soldier" or whatever your dumbass profile says, but its something.

          The taco thing is funny as well, only because I bet the only "tacos" you have ever seen are on your computer screen.

          P.S. Seriously this "KnightNigelWellington" thing is not funny at all and is lame as hell.

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          • KnightNigelWellingtonXXI

            K.

            Signed,
            Knight Nigel Wellington XXI

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            • Cheerio

              Signed,
              Batman

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  • are you in love with a younger man?

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  • Dad

    You have 'millions of dollars', but your family friend (who brought you up) remains a butcher? (you know, those people who work really hard and tend to get up very early in the morning, and who continually battle with large supermarkets, poor guys I feel sorry for them!)

    Where were you when the 'Joker' caused havoc recently?
    Where were you when any crime or misjustice happened?
    Why do you always stay in one single city, when the world needs you?

    Heroes don't exist anymore, generally they are called vigilantes or even terrorists. Take off your tights and mask and show us the real man behind the fake costume. Oh and if I were rich, I'd definitely have that car. I want my car to wrap itself up in unpenetrable steal when I push the lock button.

    Spare a buck stranger?

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    • blondbond69

      DAD I said not to go on this site! Wtf.

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    • Butcher wtf? He's a butler and he's damn funny and has helped with some of my costume designs, alright? there I said it. I dont do it myself. Morgan Freeman helped a lil as well.

      I may take off the mask, but there is just something about the tights that I just cant bear to part with.

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      • HisGirl2012

        Ur Cute(or at least you sound cute)... I like the story too. But ur funny as hell... dont take off ur mask. just save the world, not just your own little city...
        P.S i love tacos too!

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  • rhythmness93

    you tried so hard, and lost it all. but in the end, your shit doesn't even matter.

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    • Well you live as a hero. You live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I had no other choice.

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      • rhythmness93

        I lol'd

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  • Fanayvea

    I noticd you were talking about batman on the 7th line. anyone who takes longer than the 11th line is an idiot. tahnks for insulting peoples intelligence. Go get raped by a dinosaur, troll.

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    • I noticed how you noticed that I was talking about a comic book character by the first line, anybody who would take longer then the second line is an idiot. I saw this movie once about how they had this park that was made on some island and they had dinosaurs that scientists sort of built in a laboratory using prehistoric DNA that was preserved in maple syrup or something (I dont know how the dinos managed that, but anyway life finds a way I guess...) they used frogs to fill in the gaps in the DNA but I couldnt help wondering, wouldnt that make some kinda crazy frog dinosaur, you know like a T-Rex jumping around on frog legs or some shit? Wicked right? No escaping something like that. Anyway I think the title was "The park with dinosaurs who escaped just like Jeff Goldblum said they would" or something like that.

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      • jucedaguy

        And just how do you think yo momma was born????

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        • Using dinosaur DNA? Well she is very big. VERY big.

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  • I have a similar issue. I spent my childhood days with and alcoholic abusive father, whom I respected and a mother who was very loving and supportive, we lived in Austria. I wanted to be an art student but my father insisted that I be a social servant, I decided I would peruse my passion and move to the streets of Vienna and try to get into art school, but this Jewish ass-hat denied me entry, that got me pretty pissed. I spent my days on the streets, starving and working some construction jobs and painting in my free time. After a while I enlisted in the Army and kicked some ass for Germany, but by the end of the war I got injured by some poison gas, shortly after we lost the war, I was all like "wtf man". Well, after I got better I got tasked by the Army to investigate this one group of German workers, turns out that their shit was pretty kickin'. I soon got to the top of the group, killed all the assfag members and took over Germany while fixing the economy, because I'm just that fucking good. After that I remembered that Jewish kosher fag and I was all like "fuck you, kosher fags" and started shipping their asses out for being big nosed dicks. The I took over Poland, for the lulz mostly. After that Russia is all like "dont fight us. kay?" I was all "whatever, ruskies" then fought them anyways, for being pussies and asking me not to. I was all "BLITZKRIEG! FUCK THA POLICE" and was kicking their asses for a good while. Then shit got cold and I left. Then, these Japanese dudes are all "lets crash into America instead of just making some bombs" I was all "wtf lol, go for it I guess" Then America is all pissed and then some Austrilian Koala jockies come over and England is "U WOT M8?" and shit really hit the fan. Ph I forgot to mention France, we beat them but is it was easy LOL

    IIN I have to deal with this shit?

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    • BlueJeansWhiteShirt

      I'm sorry but, that wasn't funny. And you probably spent an awful lot of your time writing that fat thing out. Shame.

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      • Shame sustains this person. Pity them. I do.

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        • BlueJeansWhiteShirt

          True!

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    • I know who you are talking about, Attila the Hun, he was a crazy guy. I remember reading about him in HS and how like during the Roman Empire him and Napolean Boner-something joined forces to keep the Klingons from stealing all of our moon cheese.

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      • Hellz yeah

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    • jucedaguy

      You forgot about the syphilis dude, or is that how much it fucked your brain?

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      • Hitler never had syphilis haha, I did an entire paper on the lies the USSR came up with to "de-nazify" Germany. According to media, Hitler never had sex yet had syphilis and one testical and he was half black and Jewish who liked to kill puppies, also a homosexual spawn of Satan.

        Literally, all this is claimed as 100% truth by the media. They can't just say "he was one pissed of Austrian who almost kicked our asses" because that sounds to nice and it would be to hard to trash his name that way.

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    • bristexai

      Why don't you try this new stuff called methamphetamine?

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      • You're thinkin' of Goering. :p

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  • squeallikeasacofpigs

    I used to be a dick like you...until a took a bat to the neck.

    But seriously...Harvey Dent - Can he be trusted?

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    • He's one of my best friends, and a damn good prosecutor. If you are suggesting that he can be a little two-faced at times I cant deny that, but he's still a good guy.

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  • BlueAlice

    Cute.

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  • NeuroNeptunian

    THIS SON OF A WHORE JUST STOLE MY LIFE STORY!

    I AM BATMAN, YOU DICK!

    IT'S ON!

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    • I just got my tights back from the cleaners.

      BRING IT ON !!!!!!!!

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      • NeuroNeptunian

        Hawt.

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  • Chris_68

    Wearing tights is normal ... all other things: no

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  • BlueJeansWhiteShirt

    Is it bad that I didn't know this was batman?

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    • Its not bad. I am the silent protecter. A Dark Knight.

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  • Sadomasochist&BDSM

    Awesome STORY ..

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  • jucedaguy

    You've been through a lot. But ain't no reason to kill heath ledger you fuck. Fuck I hate you for that!

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    • I didnt kill him, dude had problems. Besides that fucking asshole killed my childhood friend by blowing her up, AND then he blew up a hospital. I was growing tired of his stories about those scars and how he got them anyway, esp since I know for a fact his mom told me he did it by accident when he was drunk and peeling potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner.

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      • jucedaguy

        Your stupid back story fucked him.upso bad that it destroyed him to have to delve within to far to play your fucked up anti hero in your insane made up life( he delved so well too) that's what fucked him.
        So its your fault.

        I watched him when I was merely a young Aussie lad, back in the days of Clowning around.
        The guy had talent.
        Barman fucked him up.

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        • Yeh well I always thought it was a bad idea when he got mixed up with those Italian guys, and look what happened? Not my fault I tried to help him.

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  • bristexai

    Awesome.

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  • myownopinions

    Hey now, Robin is a pretty nice name.

    Either way, it's not normal.

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    • Neuria

      Oh he was talking about robin. I could not figure that one out

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    • Honestly I think its kinda gay, but its what he picked, anyway me and some of the other guys like to play practical jokes on him, you know we put bird's nests in his locker and play bird mating calls over the intercom, shit like that. One time this guy at the gym who always carries around a green lantern, (his eyesight is failing him or whatever) broke into his apartment and left a full grown ostrich in there for him when he got home. Robin was so pissed, but he's a sidekick anyway, comic relief is part of the gig, if he doesnt like it he can take his bird act over to Marvel.

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  • UhhhOK

    Reminded me of a clockwork orange.

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  • Darkoil

    Trollman is that you?

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