Is it normal he pushes me away?

50% Normal

So I really like this guy, we've been talking for a while we're best friends at first and now we really like each other.
Trouble is he's gone a bit weird I thought it was me at first. He'd go different and treat me different and get snappy. Hed say he was no good and I should leave.
Something didn't seem right with all this and I knew he didn't mean it deep down. I got it out of him that he has really bad moods.
And he started again that he'd make me miserable and he can't stay.
I then got it out of him that he pushes people away before they leave themselves because of the moods so he does it before they do it to him to protect himself.
I really want to stick by him but he won't listen and keeps pushing and being different with me. Could it be bipolar ? Or just cause he's been hurt ? He's hurting me :(

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50% Normal

Based on 16 votes (8 yes)

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Comments ( 15 )

RoseIsabella

7 years ago

He's probably severely mentally ill with Bipolar or BPD. Back off some and tell him to get help for his "moods". If he doesn't get help for his "moods", be smart and just leave.

This guy is being real enough to tell you who he is. Are you gonna believe or wait until he shows you who he is? No offense but it sounds like you are wanting to play the saint, hero, or martyr role here, it sounds like you want to rescue him. Don't hurt yourself.

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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  Oh for goodness sake, how on earth can you even suggest such severe mental illnesses in someone based on someone else's brief IIN post? That's just ridiculous, surely you can see that.
  
  I agree with your second paragraphs, but leave off with the facile pseudo-psychiatric diagnoses, please
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    7 years ago
    
    I hope it isn't mental illness :( he's been through a lot. Just don't know how to get him to understand I won't hurt him or leave and that he is good for me anything I say he turns around though.
    
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    Hey, it's just a suggestion, and a suggestion is not a definite diagnosis, it's just a suggestion. OP can take my opinions and suggestions or leave em. If he's as moody as he claims then there could very well be something wrong with him. It's not normal to have mood swings that are so severe that a person feels the need to push people away. Being unable to maintain close friendships and pushing people away is classic Borderline especially when the afflicted person does so due to a fear of abandonment.
    
    I'm not hurting this guy that OP is into in the least by my suggestions. I honestly think it wouldn't be out of line for OP to as him if he's been diagnosed, and or what his diagnosis is. Hell, she could post that here as this site is anonymous. I'd be curious to know what's wrong with him.
    
    I respect a lot of your opinions, but I'm not going the politically correct route here or anywhere. My ideas aren't hurting this dude, but his bitchy behavior is harming OP. Better safe than sorry. If she was my daughter I'd tell her to forget about him. He's not good for her.
    
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    - sillygirl77
      
      7 years ago
      
      I agree that the difficulty and/or drama isn't worth it most likely. If I had a daughter, I'd want her to get out! He's telling her he's not good for her, I'd believe him!!
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yeah, and if he is actually mentally ill it doesn't mean he's a bad person or that he's unworthy of love and affection, but first things first. If he has problems with mood swings he needs to get help and work on himself. Even when someone isn't afflicted with a mental illness that person still needs to be accountable in the sense that a relationship should always be a two way street. I honestly have to give it to the guy for his transparency which is a good thing.
        
        I think OP ought to not pursue this person at all as he has stated that he's unavailable. Sometimes people even say that they're no good as a tactic to get rid of perspective suitors, because they're not comfortable rejecting others. It's like a slightly codependent way of being polite. What comes to my mind are all the times I've told some guy I wasn't interested in that I had a boyfriend or even that I was married, because his persistence and overconfident attitude made me feel like it would be much easier than saying, "yes, I'm single, but no I'm not the least bit interested so please leave me alone". Regardless I think OP would do best to just leave this boy be.
        
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I was worried about bi polar but I don't think he is we have spoke for 3 years.. And he's been great I even pushed him away cause I was scared but I'm not mentally ill I fucked up and he forgive me. We were great and I know what he means to me now.
  I've never seen this before he says they're moods and he's had them years maybe he kept them from me? He would have times where he's not be himself. I discovered he was pushing me away before I could hurt him because all his past girlfriends have done that because they can't handle his moods.
  He says he's not selfish and that I'd have a miserable life with him. But to me he was perfect such a genuine guy :( so I don't know what to do.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    I dunno, sugar. Well, you did say you pushed him away at one point. I think I myself would probably just give him space. I know you want to make him understand, but we can't anyone do anything. I know it's a bummer, but it's true.
    
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Fugazi,again

7 years ago

He's just trying to act all deep like some twilight Faggot

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- RoseIsabella
  
  7 years ago
  
  Hahaha!
  
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Terence_the_viking

7 years ago

Sounds like he's just hit puberty.

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Fall_leaves

7 years ago

He has to be the one that seeks help to figure out why he pushes people away, you can't do that for him. I don't think you should invest yourself emotionally to him though, if it hurts now it will only get worse the more he jumps in and out of the relationship. You should be supportive but distance yourself from the romantic aspect, he has to deal with the things that are holding him back on his own.

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Tealights

7 years ago

He's insecure, and may need a friend more than he needs a girlfriend. Also, not being over previous relationships is a bad sign.

Mental illness? It sounds like he might have BPD. However, I'm not a psychologist, and if you're not a psychologist, then it doesn't matter; because you neither have the skills, nor the knowledge to accurately diagnose and help him.

I guess you can hang on tight and convince him that he's worthy of love, then promise him that you won't leave like the girls before, but that's just trapping yourself; because there's probably more to what happened in those previous relationships than just him being moody.

In my opinion, I think you should just be a supportive friend and don't put so much pressure on him. He's clearly not ready to date anyone, and at a stage where he's trying to figuring out why he's the way he is.

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TrustMeImLying

7 years ago

"He pushes people away before they leave themselves because of the moods so he does it before they do it to him to protect himself."

Seems like this has nothing to do with moods but an incapability of being vulnerable. Most people don't realize it because they don't really feel it, but there is a sense of vulnerability and giving up control when it comes to forming deep and meaningful relation/friend ships with someone... because you can never be certain if someone won't leave. My guess is he gets miserable/anxious as soon as his relations get close enough to where he feels he now has something valuable enough to lose, and since that uncertainty to whether someone will walk away from him is too much to live with, the moods start and his preventive measure is pushing others away.

If you sincerely care about him, and have a lot of patience/tolerance, then go ahead and continue fighting for him. I've been in a similar situation twice. First was this client at an internship so all my learning was observation, but this DID not want to be vulnerable, even after months. Second one was a friend. I stuck through for her, and there was a massive improvement in her over the course of months (of course, in her case there was virtually no snappyness or moodniness. Just a lot more emotional aloofness). Just keep in mind that no matter what you do or say it will be all for nothing unless HE wants to make the effort to improve, and realizes that he will need to SIT in that state of misery/anxiety until he builds an emotional resistance to it. Not easy. If he has pushed a lot of people away, then I assure you this will be incredibly hard for him, and you too. Instead of trying to convince him to not push you away, try to convince him using arguments revolving around "better quality of life" "think of it as a challenge" or reassurances like "I'm here to stay and want to be a part of your life." Good luck

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riffraffy

7 years ago

Hormones on both sides; this is a very normal teenage romance.

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Is it normal he pushes me away?