Is it normal he only shows affection when drinking?

29% Normal
11 Comments

I met this guy a year and a half ago, and there was an immediate, undeniable, connection, but we both weren't in the right place for anything serious. I know he has developed feelings for me over time, he's told me he has (after he's had a few drinks). We're not in an actual relationship and we're both still figuring out ourselves and each other and neither of us are the type of person to just dive into something. Why is it he can open up when he's drinking even a little, but doesn't seem to want to touch me when he's sober? Is this normal? He definitely has alcoholic tendencies, but he's limiting himself to 1 night a week after I brought up the frequency in which I see him imbibe (high functioning alcoholic, drank 5+ times a week). But what the fuck. It's kind of messing with my self esteem thinking that he only can be physical with me when he's drinking regardless of him complimenting how I look even when sober, but he won't even put his arm around me or open up much when he hasn't had a few! Is this normal for some people?

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 62 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • dom180
    9 years ago

    He sounds normal for a person who is dependent on alcohol, but being dependent on alcohol is not normal! Don't let an alcoholic fuck up your self-esteem.

    I would never recommend proceeding with a relationship with a person who has a history of addiction who is still taking an addictive substance.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thanks for your input... I think I need to just end things. I've tried before, but he's tracked me down through work and won me over again and again. It's so hard to just be done with him because he has so many things that fit with the kind of man I want to be with, but he also has other things that I seriously don't need in my life. Maybe one day he'll figure himself out, but I'm not going to do it for him.

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      • dom180
        9 years ago

        I know how that feels. You can find someone who has those things you like but doesn't have his other problems. It might take time to find someone like that, but being alone is a lot better than being with someone who drags you along on their emotional rollercoaster. At least when you're single you can focus on you.

        Stand up for yourself, make a clean break and start moving on.

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  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    Yeah this is common for alcoholics. He's relying on alcohol, there's no way of telling if his feelings are genuine. Sober=rational, drunk=irrational, have you ever said or did anything while you were drunk that you would never do when you were sober? I suggest you ignore his affection when he's drunk and only agree to hangout when he's sober.

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  • la_uva_mojada
    9 years ago

    What a loser

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  • cupcake_wants
    9 years ago

    try getting a strap on and pegging his ass next time he's shit faced. when he wakes up with a sore rectum maybe he'll re-think his drinking.

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    • GinaHead
      9 years ago

      Rape is not a solution. Rape is not something to joke about.

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      • cupcake_wants
        9 years ago

        you can't rape the willing

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  • setti234
    9 years ago

    The fact that he opens up when he is drunk, means he has social problems. Probably why he drinks so much. Unless u are a therapist, u cant help. This is where girls make mistakes. The fact that u are thinking that your the problem, means u may be a little insecure. If u want a real relationship with someone that is socialized properly, find someone else. If you want to continue to question yourself based on someone's drinking habits, stay with this guy.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Why are you still with this person?

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  • Cheese123
    9 years ago

    I read about a gay guy in a book who had to pretend to be straight, and the way he did that was get super drunk so he could stomach having sex with girls.

    Or he could just use alcohol to disinhibit himself.

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