Is it normal for this girl to be ignoring me after i asked her out?

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19 Comments

I planned on going ice skating with this girl, and before we actually went, I hinted that it was a date. She said that she thought we were just going as friends, so I said that's fine. We went ice skating, had a great time, and she even held my hand because I was falling a lot. Afterwards, we got hot chocolate, and I offered to pay, and she was okay with it. So after this, I was kind of confused because it felt like she liked me (but I guess I could have been making it up in my head).

Anyway, fast forward a month or so, and I decided to ask her to be my Valentine. I made a video to ask her, and she replied by saying that it was sweet but that she can't be my Valentine. So at this point, I knew for sure that she didn't want anything more than friendship from me, so I told her that's totally fine and that we can be Pal-entines instead. The next day was a little awkward, but after that things got more normal.

Recently, the past few weeks (it's been more than a month since Valentine's Day), she has been really distant from me, kind of ignoring me when we're around other people, she doesn't really laugh at me anymore, sometimes I feel like she doesn't even want to look at me, and she doesn't reply to my messages when I send them (I don't send her messages often, just like a few every now and then). What do you think is going on? I've spoken to a few people about it, and they said she is trying to actively show me that she doesn't want anything more with me and that she's making sure I don't have the opportunity to ask her out again. I totally understand that, but I get the message now and just want to be friends... So how can I show her that? Or does she just not want my friendship anymore either? Should I just leave her alone and give up on the friendship, too?

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85% Normal
Based on 41 votes (35 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    It may not feel good, but it's normal to move on from almost-relationships and friendships. I think your best bet is to walk away entirely. Even if you just want to be friends, she might not be as able to compartmentalize, and she may still feel uncomfortable interacting with you. That isn't your fault or hers; it's just an unfortunate fact.

    Sorry things didn't work out.

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  • changes123
    11 years ago

    She's not interested at all, and probably sees you constantly trying to get in contact with her as annoying.

    Just know that it's time to move on. You can't be friends either... it's too awkward now. Save yourself the emotional trouble :p

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Listen to your friends.

    She's not attracted to you. It's not a failing on your part, but just as you have your tastes, she has hers. Coming from a girl who has been in her position, it gets really weird and feels slightly threatening when you shut a guy down and he keeps trying and just doesn't seem to understand.

    Well, bro, this is what happens when you don't get the message. Leave her alone. She may come around and talk to you again but as it stands, you annoyed the piss out of her and at this point, anything else you do will annoy her more and she's probably very frustrated that you just can't get the hint. You'll really just have to get over it.

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    • MmmHmm
      11 years ago

      Honestly, I have listened to my friends. I don't constantly try to get in contact with her. We sit next to each other in class every other day, and when I see her, all I say is "Good morning!" and she'll respond--that's it. I don't try to talk to her anymore. I tried once and was shot down, then I misread stuff she did and tried again and immediately told her that I understood that we'd just be friends when she said no. I'll continue to leave her alone, but is there no chance that with time she might realize I'm not interested anymore, too? It's just so confusing since I got the hint, but don't know how to express that I got the hint, you know?

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        You keep questioning it. I really can't stress this enough. Leave her alone. You pissed her off by not respecting her boundaries. So quit it. Respect her boundaries. Stay away. She might talk to you again. She might not. But leave her alone.

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        • MmmHmm
          11 years ago

          What I'm trying to say is that I am actively trying to be respectful of her boundaries and am trying to give her space. But, for instance, this morning after our class, she walked with me and talked. I'm not forcing her to walk with me or anything. We're still not talking the way we used to before this all happened, but she is talking to me a little bit. I'm wondering what this means since I feel like I'm getting mixed signals--sometimes I feel like she doesn't want to talk to me at all and other times, I feel like she's okay with walking/talking with me.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            You're seriously over-analyzing it. Just keep leaving her alone. Reciprocate with her when she talks to you but otherwise, leave her alone.

            There are no mixed signals here. You're her friend, who violated her boundaries, it will take her a while to feel comfortable with you again. She likely doesn't feel anything for you, she's not trying to send signals. She's just trying to get comfortable again. So leave her alone.

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            • MmmHmm
              11 years ago

              Haha okay... I feel like you think I'm still pursuing her and stalking her. I'm not, which is what I'm trying to explain to you. But I will continue to give her space. Thanks!

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  • Paradiddle
    11 years ago

    Basically what everyone else said. I've been in the same situation too except it was with a female friend who I was friends with since high school, a few years after graduation and then in the beginning of college in which we finally went out, something that we both wanted to do here and there anyway. Lasted a few months, "something" supposedly happened around exam time in which she wasn't into things anymore, was friends for maybe a month and then I get the ignoring/silent treatment. Before going out, you don't know how close we were, we were life buddies, now its poof. I didn't smother her messages either. I'm very cool about it however as I've accepted this forced non-contact and is doing just fine.

    However, I don't agree with it. Why is it okay for the female to start ignoring and being disgusted even if she didn't just straight SAY she didn't want to be friends? Why do we have to "get the hint" in a cruel way? What if the guy isn't trying to hook up again and wants to be even casual acquaintances?(If a guy is messaging too much or still pursuing then I could see it) Of course, this is why its best to let things fade to avoid those questions and emotions because there is plenty more to look forward to. Love yourself for a while and have some fun.

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    • MmmHmm
      11 years ago

      Thank you! I completely agree with what you said. I understand how she might be feeling, and I have been respectful and have been very cool about this whole ordeal the past few weeks. I don't smother her with messages--that seems to be what a few people here assumed. We sit next to each other every other day in class with another girl, and every morning I just say, "Good morning!" like a normal person and she'll reply with something very short. Then the three of us walk after class for a little bit before we split up. I would send her maybe a message every week the past few weeks--some to which she would respond and some not, but I guess I'll be stopping all messages since it could be annoying her.

      It's very sad to think that I GOT the message, so she doesn't NEED to keep trying to give it to me. It's also unfortunate that this is happening because we've had some good times before I screwed it all up by acting on my feelings rather than keeping them locked up. Ah well. I guess time will tell if she's at all interested in actually being friends or not.

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      • Paradiddle
        11 years ago

        Yeah, I think people are justifying being rude or simply giving females too much power in this situation. Guys have feelings too and there isn't a need to play games with some unwritten rule, just be honest. I have stopped all contact with the person I mentioned and truthfully, the best way to show someone you don't need them is to stop greeting them completely and enjoy life without them.

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  • alv1592
    11 years ago

    I have actually been in her position recently; a guy made it obvious he liked me as more than a friend, and I went on a date with him because life is too short to not take chances, but I just didn't feel the same way. It was partially because he was texting and Facebooking me too much, even while I was sleeping. I appreciated the kindness but it was too much.

    I'm sure this girl appreciates your kindness, and it wasn't her intention to lead you on, but no one can control who they're attracted to. You will have other opportunities in the future. Good luck to you.

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  • Ramit10
    11 years ago

    Pretty much you have to come out and say it. Like I realize that you just wanna be friends and I respect your decision but currently right now we arent acting like friends. Just tell her you want her to be happy and not feel pressured but if she doesnt want anything to do with you then just tell you.

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    • MmmHmm
      11 years ago

      I was thinking of doing this in maybe two weeks if it's not any better... I was thinking of apologizing for making her feel uncomfortable and asking her if she would like to start over? Do you think that would be a good idea? Thank you.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    The pill is just one of many options. Just go see an OB/Gyn. They can help you find options that will work for you. I have been on the Nuvaring for five years and no difference in my weight. I'm on the IUD now. Still no difference.

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    11 years ago

    I would ignore her. It's a bit masochistic to want to be friends with someone who rejected you.

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  • willyma
    11 years ago

    you sound like a beg. and she sounds like a cunt.. flirt with her friends and play the field brother.. its the only way to keep your head high..

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  • Kilo2-3
    11 years ago

    I've had that this valentines', and she even asked me to the Sadie's dance. She knew I liked her and I accepted her for her past. Things..went poorly. I left for SC, and haven't seen her since and barely talk to her, only once since.

    Save yourself the trouble, and walk away. That's about the best thing that can be done. I've given up completely on the girl in my case, so I'll say to you "On to bigger and better things my friend. Per audacia ad Astra"

    Sorry to hear about it amigo. There's other women out there, you have your whole life ahead of you!

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