Is it normal for the relationship to be the way it is right now?

68% Normal
6 Comments

Hi guys. Hope you can really help me out. I have been with my guy for about a little over three years now. We got engaged last year. I met him fairly young, around 20-21 years and he was 23 at the time. HEAD OVER HEELS in love. He was the male version of me and i was the female version of him. We had everything going on...and we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Over the course of our relationship I went through a crazy phase. I felt completely insecure, did everything imaginable that a guy would hate. I simply stopped trusting him and always felt that he was doing things behind my back..which was actually never the case. I was incredibly jealous and wanted all the attention for myself. Although i can't put the blame entirely on me, there are a few things hes done for me to feel the way i felt. All the arguments finally just caught up and he was tired of it. We had a major fall out and it ended. We stopped talking for two months. Eventually we finally spoke and decided to continue on with the relationship, promising each other that things will never go back to how they were before. It's been three months now...although we havn't fought and i havn't gone back to my iggnorant ways...i feel a sense of hurt and pain inside of me. Things are definitely not how they were before and i truly believe he looks at me differently now. The intimacy is barely there and i still think we are both hurt from what happened before (at least i feel that way). My self-esteem is gone and I feel as if i am not worth anything anymore. I know men don't like this about women, and it wouldn't surprise me if he sees this in me right now. I always hear that a guy wouldn't be with a girl if he didn't really want to be. In a sense, I feel like he is with me out of pity...I just don't know. I also feel like the relationship is soooooo damaged...that it's nearly impossible to get things back to how they were before. I keep praying and praying. He is a great guy and I just want things to mend and heal. What should I do?

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68% Normal
Based on 31 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    As long as you weren't out sleeping with other people the relationship will heal and get back to normal. Try to forget about the past and don't keep bringing it up. Men tend to live in the moment so get out there and have some fun together - behave like one of his buddies.

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    • BoredGuy
      12 years ago

      i agree

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  • chatter289
    12 years ago

    Sorry to hear that :(. I do personally think that you two were broken up for a while, 2 months is a long when u break up with your love one, I think so anyway. During that course of time did you or him see other people? Sexually?

    I think what you guys are going through is the beging steps of a relationship AGAIN. I think you need to just start the spark again. Go on little dates, cook for him, buy each other little gifts, just little things. Spice things in the bedroom, get yourself some sexy new lingerie.

    Also, start taking care of yourself too. Go to the hair dressers, get a new hair do, honestly it will help with your self esteem, make a change. Honestly my hair was pitch black reaching my bum and now I can barely tie my hair up, and you know heat, I love it, love the fact that I took a big step in self change. Do it, you got nothing to lose. Gt yourself new clothes, change the old you and make a new confident you. Show your fiancé that you are no longer that girl who acted the way she did, and even if deep down inside you are, it's fine, all will be better in due time, but till then you gotta start acting and stop 'wishing'. Things don't miraculously happen by themselves, you gotta make it work.

    So...

    1. Re start getting those love sparks back, go on dates, meals, cook for each other. Take random walks in the middle of the night just because you feel like it. Just spontaneous things

    2. Gain your self esteem back. New you. New hair, new clothes. A new you and a new relationship

    3. Spice up the sex life. Be more dominant, buy something sexy, surprise him with things.

    4. Just be happy. what's a relationships for if you don't make each other happy? Talk to each other, it's the best thing you can do. Tell him how you feel, listen to how he feels and see if you're both on the same page.

    Good luck and I hope my long essay helps lol xxx

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    • prayforhope
      12 years ago

      Thank you chatter, during that course of time we both didn't talk to anyone else and neither sexually. I actually heard from his family that all he did was go to work and come straight home. I was really unhappy with how things ended. Like I said, I felt like he didn't have a choice because I wasn't changing my ways which resulted in the break up. And I keep constantly going back in the past and I put myself down for how I acted. It makes me feel like a horrible person and that I don't deserve him or to be happy. I'm definitely going to take your advice though and hope that it can change things around. It's soo hard to open up and even spice things up b/c i'm so self conscious now.

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      • chatter289
        12 years ago

        Wish you all the best hun :) xx

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  • cheetahwings5479
    12 years ago

    Be a JW. (Jehovah's Witnesses)

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