Is it normal for someone in a relationship to visit & stay with her ex

16% Normal
5 Comments

In a relationship w/ my GF (40 yr old)for almost 1 yr. When we first got together she had been in a relationship for 15 years & the past 4+- of those years were LD as her ex had moved to Canada to live with his mother. They only saw each other 2 times/yr. We kind of got together before she had totally informed him that they were finished (she had talked about ending it way before then). We had been casual friends for a couple of years prior to that. Just before her breakup, had already purchased tickets to fly up for semiannual visit, which she cancelled, w/ 1 yr to reinstate tickets.
Now for the problem...,she had promised she would visit him later as they had remained best friends. Says she feels like She doesn't have closure (since she broke up w/ him by ph.) & informs me that she has no interest in getting back together w/ her ex, but feels she needs to fly to Canada from Florida for 10 days while staying at his mom's house w/him . Before we got together she had mentioned that she was never sexually attracted to him & avoided it for months at a time. She feels enormous guilt over that & the fact that we hooked up before she ended it with him. Said they were more like best friends/roommates She claims that she wants to be together w/ me , doesn't fully understand it, but feels the need to go there in order to move on. It has been about 2 yrs since they have seen each other. I have told her that for my own dignity and self respect that I cannot, regardless of my feelings for her, continue with the relationship if she goes up there. I have asked her to find an alternative form of finding closure & she said she feels like this is the only way. She tells me I can't understand their friendship? Anyone else have experience with this?

Voting Results
16% Normal
Based on 63 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • moomus
    11 years ago

    If he's her ex then she should treat him
    Like so, eg. Not seeing him anymore. Sounds to me like she's visiting to see if she still had feelings and if the relationships really over. Even if she isn't, what's to say she will get there and decide that she does still have feelings after all? I'd make her chose. If she chooses him then at least you know not to waste anymore time on her. Good luck.

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  • RoseIsabella
    11 years ago

    You're right not to trust her. Like it or not she was cheating on him when she got with you. Once a cheater always a cheater.

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  • forever_anon
    11 years ago

    If they were just casual friends, I would say it's probably nothing to worry about, but it does sound like she still has feelings for him. Your objections are reasonable IMO. Unfortunately, since she's still planning to go on the trip, there's not much else you can do, other than follow through on your intentions to leave if she does.

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  • MilleBornes
    11 years ago

    lol sorry, but FUCK NO. Just....no. Everything you feel is valid. 1st if it's that important then she never got over him 2 he could come there 3 you could go with her but that's not a great idea either 4 Ten (10) days???? Really? More like a vacation for her from you to him.

    She's probably going to play the guilt trip on you for "Not trusting" her. Don't falter. With a plan like that, you shouldn't and any other woman would tell you you're right.

    Tell her that you NEVER liked the idea of her still contacting her ex anyway, but didn't want that "You don't trust me" argument Yes, in this case you can refuse her to go, but put it in a way.....she needs to make a choice Plain and simple. It's you or a "closure" visit to her ex. Have the greatest sex, better than normal, but not TOO TOO much better. Then follow through.

    It won't be hard to forget her if she chooses him. At first it may sting, but remember she's completely hurting you, knowingly and on purpose and not caring, so if she leaves, she leaves for good to you. Never talk to her again

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    • MilleBornes
      11 years ago

      Seriously, for all other soft men that let women roll them over and all the other men who are just tired of seeing it, make her choose.

      There is NO reason for her to hangout talk or even SEE her ex. Ever. Definitely not a week long trip under the same roof.

      You should feel guilty about NOTHING here. If she chooses you, then also have her cut communications with him as well. Slowly throughout the relationship NOT too slow. Definitely after she makes her choice.

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