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I beat off in the corner of my dorm room. So far I've shot about 100 loads of skeet on the wall and the stains are turning yellow.
The yellow staining is bacteria living off the nutrients in your sperm. Keep this up and one night you'll be awoken by the crusty fingers of the Sperm Beast.
My grandpa used to do something like that: he would inhale warm salted water through his nose and then blow his nose on the door of his room. Because he snorted powdered tobacco, the snot was dark brown, so the door was covered with nasty brown stains.