Is it normal for my wife to go on a holiday with my friend

23% Normal
9 Comments

Hello. I have been married for 15 years. My wife is slim and attractive. As a couple, we have some commonalities ( eating out, watching the movies). On many counts, we are from different planets ( I am more introverted, she is extroverted; I like to read, she doesn't; She likes to shop, I don't).
Ont the emotional front, while I tend to be the shock absorber, my wife is high strung. As she tends to fly off the handle quickly, it is difficult for me to broach issues of differences. While my wife appreciates my absorbing quality, at times I feel stifled by not allowing my feelings to emerge.
Little differences that my wife perhaps glossed over while we courted and married are now major irritants. Like me not being able to lose wight, or not trying enough to lose weight. Like me making a mess of my plate while eating. On my part, I admit I trigger her off by getting sullen and uncommunicative when she ticks me off.
At a deeper level, we understand each other's silences very well. Even in the spaces between spoken words, we know what the other is thinking.
Lately, my wife has been thinking about 'release' and 'escape'.
My wife has made a few friends ( who were my friends to begin with) who are more of her wavelength than me. ( I mean they can talk for hours on the art of making roast chicken, while I am reading a book or surfing the net). She is now specially fond of one particular friend.
She speaks to him a lot, But she tells me about it. They mostly discuss normal everyday things; but the point is, they gel on an emotinal level very well.
It was the desire of my wife to go on a holiday with this man. She has gone for a week. She says that faith is not by binding a person. She asks me to trust her, and I do.
On my part, however, I get bouts of insecurity. And then I also fantasise her being fondled, even f**** by the other man.
I keep my fantasies in my head, and don't let it crowd into the world.
When my wife comes back, she would be thinking of her next trip.
I want her to be with me fully happy.
I guess I am going around in circles.
Am I trying to prove the point 'If you love someone, set her free; if she comes back, she is yours; if she doesn't she never was' ?

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 141 votes (32 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Jen118584
    14 years ago

    Okay. Your relationship reminds me so much of my parents relationship. My mom is extroverted, my dad is antisocial. She comes home and cooks and cleans and exercises and he comes home and watches tv all night and goes to bed at 8:30 and reads until he falls asleep. She has tons of friends and keeps busy all the time, he has none (I'm not saying you have no friends, but you clearly don't have tons). The bad news is that eventually my mom couldn't take it anymore and got so bored that she has gone outside of their marriage for the fulfillment that she just doesn't get from my dad. They've been married for 30 years, so believe me, she has tried.

    I don't know your wife but as an outsider, it is my opinion that there is no way she is not sleeping with this other guy. It's not normal for a wife to go away for a week with another man. Not even close to normal. You're a man: would you go away on holiday for a week, alone with a woman, and not expect to get some? To her credit (still just my opinion) at least she's being semi honest with you. She could have told you she was going away with a girlfriend.

    Your wife is aging, but she still looks good. She's still "got it." She is bored with you. "Release" and "escape" is code for "I need something new and exciting." She is practically screaming for your attention.

    What about you? You're aging too; think it's time to come out of your shell and enjoy life while there's still time? Take weekend trips with her. Road trips, camping, go find small cute towns to wander around in. Put some romance back into your marriage. Start working out with her, go for long walks together when you get home from work, go hiking on the weekends. You better show some effort or you're going to lose her.

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      I agree with her...again.

      People are different and have different taste. My fiance likes some stupid things and I don't but yet she doesn't understand why I like my things. However, minus my FIRST question on "Is it Normal," I haven't cheated on my fiance nor has she cheated on me.

      People are different and require different things. However, no way in hell would she ever just want to "vacation" with a different guy or let me talk to my exgirlfriend before her. It is just common sense in a relationship and we both set boundaries for the other like that.

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    • archer2005
      14 years ago

      Hi Jenny! Thanks for taking your time out for such a comprehensive reply. With your handicap of having to analyse on the mere paragraph, and not knowing us in person, you have hit a few nails pretty close to the head.
      In fact, I have pledged a few days ago to seriously lose the extra kilos. The walks with my wife are also on.
      I guess I just need to stay positive and engage her more wholesomely.
      While I am the quiet type, I am not a total introvert; however, I do need to take more interest in others, be more social, so to say.
      The aspect of my wife sleeping with the other man- well, I can put it down to a culture thing; in our part of the world, perhaps it is slightly more from left field than you may imagine. But then, where do we lay the line on 'faithfulness' in a marriage?
      Is chatting with someone else showing a lack of faith? Is the line at hugging? Kissing? ***ing? I would say that if you are emotionally bonded, the biological aspects are of an academic relevance.
      But if your better half is emotionally bonded with someone else, does that mean your marriage is over?
      What I'm trying to say is - in today's age of faster and quicker connections, the bonds and definitions of marriage need a revision.

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    • PeaceMaker
      14 years ago

      Dude, he's right the same happened to me, my EX-girlfriend crashed on my best friend, it was so obvious, so i knew the end, but i couldn't take her back and... I lose her, so at the end i let her go for her happiness not mine, so i ended up alone, with my friend, obviously she tried with him and ended up with another friend of mine LOL, if u can tell him friend XD, so if u really love her if she stills stands with u there's a chance of taking her back, if u really love her don't let her go until the end, but remember Zaratustra when he said that he would like the earth scrambles each time when a man stays with a goose

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  • starsapphire
    13 years ago

    Ya this is not normal why would your wife want to go away for a week with another man. Not the man she is promised to you if she rather go with your friend he is taking advantage of his position in your guys life. Through out a marriage there is a constant change that happens during your phases in life. Either you continue walking together on your guys path as one or the roots of change will rip you in to two trees. It does not matter that she tells you things about there friendship that's code for not telling the hole truth. Making you feel it's all on the up and up. If it has not happened yet it's been thought, talked about amongst then and will happen at some point I assure you. Love is always blind my friend and your friend is crossing the line he should no better then to be so personally invade in your relationship that tour wife puts him in. Your wife and friend are not bad people but with marrage people forget the vows they once promised and need to be reminded why they fell in-love in the first place. You don't need to put it all on you to do all the changing but you decide where your Luce will go. Either you will embrace life and really experience things you normally would have said no to. Or you wiling a no man the same man for your rest of your life. Good luck and I really hope you no you are a great person

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  • mieoux
    14 years ago

    This is only normal for a marriage that is over. You should discuss divorce when she gets back.

    Were you planning on spending the rest of your life walking on eggshells and curbing your thoughts and feelings? Not only is that a miserable way to live, but you might as well schedule high blood pressure and a heart-attack with this lifestyle choice. This is not an acceptable quality of life. There are lots of single women and provided you are reasonable about who you want to date you will be able to meet someone new when you are ready and hopefully find a better match. For now, I would say start on the divorce, join a gym workout - not only would you lose weight but exercise helps lift mood, and if you are not offended by this next suggestion - find a shrink to help you cope with the transition and with bringing out the real you that you have kept stifled for so long. You sound like you are a great guy and you will meet someone new who will enjoy you and who you will also enjoy. It's probably going to hurt right now, but you will have the possibility of something wonderful ahead.

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  • ilovesheep
    14 years ago

    This is definitely NOT normal. There should be boundaries/limit. She should know that when you're in a relationship, there are some things that are not appropriate. And you shouldn't take it...have a back bone and stop all this craziness. How can you be ok with your wife cheating on you?

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    "If you love someone, set her free" That is among the stupidest ideas I have ever heard utter. If you set her free, she won't come back if she is sleeping with someone else.

    Honestly, I think your relationship is over and you need to talk to your wife what she thinks about the idea of a divorce when she asks again. If she hates the idea, I still woulnd't let her go but if she is okay with it, your relationship has been over for a while now. It sucks to be cheated on and that is why good guys like myself turn bad in the end. I'm truly sorry.

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  • extis
    14 years ago

    depends sometime it might mean shes cheating on you if she jst says a holiday
    but if shes going their to an even music fest or sporting event it jst so that she got someone else there

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