Is it normal for my mum to tell me to kill myself every night(17 male)
PLEASE HELP
My parents split up 6 years ago which is when the problems started ( we are not sure where my da is I haven't seen or heard from him for 3 years ), my mum had no one to argue with as my dad wasn't around so she now just starts pointless arguments with me. Sometimes I'll respond and she'll just use it as a way to tell all of her family how shitty I am. She always deliberately messes up the entire house before we have visitors and tells them it was me which just turns everyone against me. For the past 2 years she has been kicking me out and telling me to kill myself regularly and when her family ask about me she just tells them that I run away l, she did this during my GCSE exam period which meant I had to sleep on busses to avoid the rain. Recently I've had 2 weeks of A level exams which have stressed me out more than any other time in my life that I can remember and she has been coming into my room every night telling me to leave and kill myself and that she wouldn't care ( she's getting married and has recently bought an apartment that she is moving into with him ) the man that she's getting married to is really nice and doesn't know about any of this. I only really have two friends at college and they can tell how miserable I am. One of my aunt is a child physiatrist and even she thinks I'm just a bad kid as she just believes everything my mum tells her like everyone else. Things have only been getting worse and for the past year there have been multiple times where I've felt like killing myself but I don't have the guts to do it. I've used cigarettes as a way to calm down since I was 13 but they only help in the short term. I just feel like if the chance to kill myself quickly and painlessly presented itself to me right now I would take it ( I've even looked on the deep web at hitman services but I have no money ), I've told her how she makes me feel but she still just tells my that I should go through with it and actually kill myself. Sorry for the long story, I always use other people's problems on this site to seek help with my own so I thought this would help. ( I'm 17 male in UK )