Is it normal for my man not to want sex? i need help!

43% Normal
23 Comments

My man and I have been together for about 8 months. We are both 23, we are married and having a child. Everything is great but the sex. We have never been to sexually active and I was fine with it. I figured he just needed time to get more comfortable with me. I can be a bit of a nympho but never had a problem with guys wanting me. After the 5th month and only having sex about 3 time a week or less I started to worry. Like any other woman in this kinda situation I was worried that he did not find me attractive. The other night he told me he does but when I touched him he may get hard but he doesn't want sex, not because he is not attracted to me but because he never had a strong desire for sex. I did some research and find out that he might have something called HSDD (Hypoactive sexual desire disorder). My question is, is it normal for a guy his age to lack sexual drive or to have something like that? Is there any advise or solutions that might help us?
He has had some sexual abuse that might have caused him to not want sex.

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43% Normal
Based on 111 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    It seems like the guys that don't give a shit about sex get the most opportunities to do it. The irony.

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  • Shrunk
    10 years ago

    "Having a child" "5th month" wtf are you pregnant? O_o
    And that sucks, why would a "nympho" end up with a man with low sex drive? I wish I could find a man like this..

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    • @;D
      10 years ago

      We ended up together because he is one of those men that you will only fine once in a life time. I may be young but my soul ain't and I know what a good trustful man is, and I'd rather have a sexless marriage than loss him.

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      • Shrunk
        10 years ago

        Good, then i don't see the problem.

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  • abear
    10 years ago

    Maybe he just doesn't have a strong desire for sex? Maybe he's tired of doing it or is just too lazy? You should try talking to him about it. Only he knows the answers that you're looking for.

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  • DannyKanes
    10 years ago

    Counseling maybe? I don't think this is normal behavior for a male at that age. I'm 28 and I'd have sex every day if I could. But each to their own.

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    • @;D
      10 years ago

      I'v been trying to get him to talk to some one but he won't. He doesn't understand how bad I need to feel wanted, to have sex. Do you have any advise that might help him understand or want more of me? I have a pretty good body but sexy outfits don't help and I am a willing and kinky lover but he doesn't have any interests in that nor does he have any fantasize I could play out for him. I don't know what to do

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I would imagine that your being pregnant could have something to do with it. Some guys are afraid they might injure the baby during sex, or they are worried how having the baby will affect their life financially and their relationship; will you still love him after the baby comes, etc. You should be patient and wait it out. After the baby comes, you should make an effort to become very affectionate and attractive to him, wearing the clothes he likes you in and even roll playing. Try to figure out what really turns him on and play on that.
    Unfortunately, from reading IIN and hearing other men discuss their sexual situations, it seems that there are more and more men out there with less than what I would consider a normal sex drive. Perhaps the species is changing as the need to procreate becomes less important; world population nearing a critical point, etc.
    Good luck and I wish you the best.

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    • @;D
      10 years ago

      How our species is changing is a very interesting way of thinking about it.
      Me being pregnant has nothing to do with it. He has never been that interested in sex. Not even with other girls. A few of his relationships ended just because he was not sexually active enough for them.
      It is not really about the sex, its about the lack of intimacy. If there was no penetration I would be fine. I just need that want, the kissing and touching kind of stuff.
      Is there any other opinions you could give me? Perhaps from other stories you have read.

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      • thegypsysailor
        10 years ago

        I'm sorry I got so far off base.
        I believe our society has made it very difficult for many men to be affectionate. The "showing their feminine side" jokes are plentiful and many men feel that being the strong, silent type is important to women. The indestructible protector. Men don't cry, shit; you know.
        I would imagine you have already talked to him about this? Harping, pleading, crying or fighting won't help. Can you just snuggle into his arms when he's watching TV on the couch? Offer him a night out on you (of course it's a date, but you don't have to tell HIM that) to a comedy club (my favorite date spot), or Riverdance, or; you know him better than I. Get him to join you for walks and hold his hand. Hell, take him to Hooters and let him ogle the girls, but sit close and show all of them that this is your guy. He should get the idea and be happy to be with you, because you let him look without disapproval.
        Take him to bed early and give him a full body massage. As silly as it seems, do onto him as you would like him to do unto you.
        He's probable lazy, complacent and perhaps a little bored (not being mean, but I've been there) and therefor feels no need to be affectionate. You are his woman, he provides for you and takes care of you, as you do for him, of course, so what else should he have to do?
        I think you get the idea. Good luck.

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        • @;D
          10 years ago

          I am happy to say that we do do all that kinda stuff. And the comedy night at the club is one of ours favorite spots as well :). Also, he doesn't mind to show his feminine side with me. I encourage it. As for looking at other woman, I tell him it is fine as long as it is just looking. But he has no interest in other woman at all. Which I would love but with him it worries me because if he doesn't want to look at other woman and he doesn't look at me either it makes me think that he might be gay. I highly doubt it but the thought is still in my head.
          Communication between us is very well. We talk about everything. When it comes to this issue though he says he doesn't know why. Sex, deep kissing, touching ect. just doesn't interest him much.
          I have fail to include that when he is in the mood, he is very intense and passionate.
          Is it normal for a guy to only want it 3 times a week? Am I the one that is not normal for wanting it more and thinking it is a problem that he doesn't?

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          • thegypsysailor
            10 years ago

            I can't say about other men, obviously. I guess from here you are going to need some feedback from women.

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  • Jessica6969
    10 years ago

    Put on a skimpy outfit and shake your tail, if he don't hit tell him you quit!!! I'm really a 30 male is my username normal lmao. Unless your ugly he should be hitting it at least once a week unless he has a side chick, she could be wearing him out when you're not around or he's "working late again" lol

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    • @;D
      10 years ago

      No side chick, 100% sure.

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  • Shnaz
    10 years ago

    You might need to find a fuck buddy.

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  • gd_2_B_A_Man
    10 years ago

    Have you had your baby yet? If you're still carrying, in his mind his baby is in there and probably feels he could hurt the baby.. If you have given birth, he might see you as a mother the mother of his child and may feel its wrong to have sex (it will pass) I've heard that some men after their wives give birth they see your vagina in a different way (not bad, but not good) especially if he was in the delivery room.

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  • Aurora93
    10 years ago

    Um, 3 times a week sounds enough to me.... Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with him, sounds like he has a lower sex drive than you... perfectly normal.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I think its normal. Not all guys have a high sex drive. I don't really myself actually. If he was largely uninterested in you, I would definitely say he was cheating but 3 times a week isn't particularly infrequent. I think its just that you want it a lot more than he does

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    10 years ago

    good luck cos after you have the child you'll probably have even less sex.

    but three times a week isn't a bad number.

    although keep in mind, some of it might be the hormones talking right now too

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  • lilmich
    10 years ago

    Having sex three times a week is the average amount for a couple in a long term relationship.
    p.s your comment about having been in a relationship for 8 months yet being married and having a child is weird and confusing.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      10 years ago

      ahhh.. i re-read it.

      they're *having* a child. meaning the OP is likely pregnant or in the process of adopting. not that they've already had it

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    Dear God woman.

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    You need a man like me. I love sex.

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