Is it normal for my husband to be such an enabler?

Someone who makes an agreement, breaks it and gets shitty with you is disrespectful and unreliable. I wouldn't still be with him, to be honest. Looks as if you were looking forward to time with him but he wasn't or he isn't now.

Your husband sounds like he's either aiming for sainthood or he's a flaky hippy-type who believes he's being all progressive and cool by opening his door to every passing user with a halfway-plausible sob-story.

Helping out friends is laudable, but there is a line between being charitable and supportive, and turning yourself into a doormat. It sounds like your husband wants to be a doormat.

You say you've told your husband that the situation is not satisfactory, and his response was to attack you, trivializing your concerns and implying that you're a cold-hearted bitch who wants his friend to live on the street. That's a false dichotomy, since the leech has more options than either living with you or living in a cardboard box. He's a grown man, old enough to have three children, who has had two months to sort out a new place to live, but he has apparently decided that sponging off his wife and you and your husband is a much nicer alternative to finding a job and supporting himself.

Frankly, how you describe your husband's behavior runs up several red flags, and I have to wonder how much he respects you.

1) You and your husband agreed to something, which he then disregarded when his friend asked for a place to stay.

2) You accepted the waster into your home for the sake of domestic harmony, but you also stipulated rules regarding his wife and kids, then you were apparently pressured into giving ground on this.

3) Knowing you're not happy about the situation, your husband has told his parasitical friend that he can stay as long as he wants.

4) Even though you find the situation so uncomfortable that you lock yourself in your room to avoid the sponger, co-dependent wife and destructive kids, this apparently is of no significance to your husband.

5) When you do challenge the leech, your husband takes his side.

You say you've always shared your home with others. I think you should be asking yourself if maybe the most important thing going on here is that your husband simply does not want to live with only you. Maybe he's into the whole communal living thing, which is fine, but it's not okay if you're forced to accept that lifestyle when you don't want it, and you have no say over whom you share your home with.

It seems pretty clear that not only do your needs and desires come way after his, he considers them even less important than what his friends want.

Bottom line: your husband sounds like an asshole who's constantly seeking the approval of his user friends, and really doesn't give a shit about your your feelings.

It is somehow understandable that your husband tries to help his friend, although I feel like this friendship is the "toxic" type which doesn't really reflect the definition of friendship itself. It is more understandable that you are unhappy with this, especially given his absolute ignorance towards you in this respect. His "friend" did not keep his promise to stay for 2 weeks (which might be just unfortunate and perhaps forgivable) and became intrusive as well (which is neither unfortunate nor forgivable). The appropriate response would be for you to be more protestive, as the time passes, increasing the tension especially between your husband and his friend. Your husband must understand that their friendship is not genuine and should gently get out of it. His friend already understands this, since he is toxic and obviously aware of it. The weak link in this chain is your husband, so he is the one who can react to this and have power over the situation, as the intruder will always remain when he is given mixed signals (stay vs leave), taking advantage from the conflict. You must, therefore, resolve this conflict and make your husband understand these aspects, so you can gain power over this, as now you don't seem to have any. If nothing works and this persists for too long, you can obtain power by other means, such as creating more tension, which can outweigh this one, by threatening to leave for a while or to spend time with someone else who won't ignore your requests. All of these slowly and gently, and allow a bit of time (a couple of days) before every decision you make, so you won't give the false impression that you're the wrong person here and won't make you lose power. Wish you the best of luck and feel free to keep us updated.

Well to update the situation a bit, I've heard second hand through my husband that there is almost no chance he will live with his wife again and will most likely device her. But he has considered moving into a more permanent living situation with another friend of his.

Yeah, your husband is stupid.
He's letting his freeloading friend run the place.

Watch their schedules. Pick a day when everyone is out the house, and take a day off work. Buy new locks for all the doors they have access too (including your husband), change all the locks (youtube the instructions). From here, you can:

A. Neatly pack all that guy's stuff (you can get free boxes from U-Haul stores), and put all his shit outside (if you have time). And don't let anyone into the house until freeloader is gone. Yeah, your husband will be mad, but fuck em, because he doesn't care.

OR

B. Not do anything. Try talking to your husband again, and suffer in silence.