Is it normal for my girlfriend to leave me like this?

I'm sure some people do have issues that connect them to it but not everyone does. I've been to a therapist and know 100% for sure there are no like psychological connections to BDSM for me(though other things do). I prefer the bondage more than anything and Yes, I do enjoy submitting myself to another person's control in that form. I like being restrained and restricted in my motions and to place my trust in someone in that aspect.

Its very...um...contrary to how I live most of the rest of my life. I enjoy extremely girly things like lace, ruffles, etc. I love pinks and pastels and vastly prefer cute things over sexy things. I don't like overly sexualized things either. I think the world really needs things that are just cute and fun.

But...when it comes time and sex is what's on the table...there is not a lot that I haven't tried before and I enjoy A LOT of different things. I don't always want to be tied up, but when I do, I enjoy it. I like it when I can let someone who I trust do that, because well...I tried doing it to myself and lets just say that after 2 hours of struggling and some chaffing I finally got myself wiggled free. BUT!! For the 20 or so minutes I actually WANTED to be tied up I did enjoy it, completely by myself with no domination attached, I just enjoyed the bondage. That's not to say I don't enjoy being a "slave" every so often, but nothing for me is interconnected.

You're allowed to have your own belief in why people do things but like with everything people are not all the same, so you might want to consider that.

Cool opinion. Totally and completely off base but like I said that's just your opinion.

Your opinion is reasonable, but also is kind of a presumption. An alternative view is based on the premise that nobody gets out of life alive. Before you die, you will be confronted with all the stuff you didn't do. What if bondage was actually a release that seriously repressed your inhibitions. What if extreme pleasure is now possible because your inhibitions can no longer say no? What if the feared oppressors from you parochial school days were forced to watch as you helplessly enjoy mind numbing ecstasy?

Just a thought. Someday you will be confronted with what you didn't do. And, it will be too late. Except maybe just a bit of time left for the hot wax. *Wink.*

I feel with fetishes it's often difficult to explain to those outside of it exactly what makes them so enjoyable, but I'll take a whack at it - feel free to ignore if you don't really care to respond, but perhaps it will help others who come here and may be curious.

I liken things in the BDSM spectrum of sexuality to the sort of thrill one may get from watching a scary movie, or attending a haunted house, or going skydiving. It's a different hormonal concoction then what an adrenaline rush would be, but it's a very similar kind of situation.

Now people can be turned on by a whole host of different aspects of it... perhaps it's the deeper bond created by that level of trust, that this person has full control over you and they're using that control to make you feel good. Perhaps it feels like a "safer" way to explore sexual urges.. maybe you're shy or reserved normally and being dominated gives you the freedom to let out that other side of yourself. Some people just honestly enjoy the pain, or love the feelings of ropes around them, or that someone else is controlling their pleasure and denying them to make the final release even better.

I can see where people draw the association between bondage and abuse - from the outside it can look like they are one in the same. But that's the funny thing about say a Dom/Sub relationship.. it is the sub who wield the power, even as they yield it, in a healthy relationship. The submissive holds the safeword, the submissive is the one who ends the experience if things go too far.

I've experienced both trauma bonding in an abusive relationship in my own life as well as the bonding that occurs during and in the aftercare of a hard kink session, and I can say they are an entirely different sort of thing. Subspace is the term used for the state of mind one goes into after being dominated, and it is an intense rush of endorphins and oxytocin, and can feel like a minor high - say the same kind of feeling one may experience after taking ecstasy. Wheras with trauma bonding, it's more like the exhaustion and giving that comes after a rush of adrenaline, say the feeling of relief one gets after narrowly avoiding an accident on snowy roads. Now, this is anecdotal I realize, but that's my interpretation from someone who has experienced both.

Sorry to have gone on for a bit there, as I said feel free to ignore this unless you'd like to discuss or would have additional questions. I've been into the lifestyle for some time now and try to explain more about it when the opportunity arises - if nothing else then so others who are curious get the right idea about it and don't end up making mistakes in their experimentation.

One of the reasons for a safeword is so that she can do things like that and surprise you with new things but IF you aren't comfortable with things you can use the safe word. It leaves the relationship open for some surprises and lets her be very much in control while giving you a firm "this is not ok"

Oh, if you're going to use gags you should talk about alternatives too. Hand signs work sometimes or like when I did some puppyplay stuff we had a like tune for me to like...grunt I guess...lol I don't know how to describe the noise, but it was because I had a gag and hand covers on, there was no other way to communicate aside from things like that.