Is it normal for my friend to breakdown crying?

11% Normal
3 Comments

Let me preface this by saying my friend and I are NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. I'm just kinda confused about what is happening to him. Also, I'm a guy, if that means anything.

So this all started about a few years ago, when this new kid (the friend in question, who I will call "James" from now on) moved into our neighbourhood, my friends and I treated him cordially and eventually became fast friends. I think he and I were the closest and it kind of showed. Whenever we hung out, he always gravitated towards me (as in, he was physically close to me) and got really flustered when someone made a joke about him being so close.

Once everyone found out how easy it was to tease him on this point, they frequently made jokes about it and teased him relentlessly. It was really funny honestly, by I told them to stop when it became clear he was getting fairly uncomfortable. So things cooled off for a few weeks but he and I were still becoming very close friends. It became quite normal for him to help me around and hang out in my house or while I was doing something. For example, he would hang out after school for a couple extra hours to watch me practice football with my team and then walk home with me and only return to his home after dinner (which he often had with my family). He would also pretty enthusiastically cheer for me specifically during games.

It seemed pretty normal for close friends to do, and my family had no issue about our friendship. My mom even sometimes jokingly calls him my "younger brother" due to our closeness. We helped each other in classes and hung out frequently, to the point where some might call us "best friends". I wouldn't consider it as that however, as my friend group was quite tight and I had known the others for over a decade, them being grade-school buddies. They were all my "best friends", and I thought it was fine as such as an unspoken rule.

After we graduated from Grade 12, I found myself becoming interested in a girl (who I will call "Katie" henceforth) in my class. we started hanging out more often and eventually started dating after awhile. My parents, again, were fine with this relationship and readily approved of her (she had top marks and was quite active in the community). However, my friends had varying reactions. For the most part, it seemed like they understood I would be spending less time with them due to dates with my now-girlfriend and seemed to support my new relationship.

But, for James, it was different, he seemed to be stand-offish for a while, and looked uncomfortable around Katie; he even took strides to actively avoid her. He still hung out, but seemed more withdrawn and even tried to drag me away from a couple dates with her? It was sort of strange behaviour but I figured he just wanted to me to hang out with him more.

Eventually, he got REALLY weird, and withdrew himself from social interaction entirely except from our friend group. We were really concerned for him, so they tried to coax him into opening up about what was up by cracking jokes about him being in a relationship with me, or him BEING Katie, while in a relationship with me (which was, really weird? I'm not sure if they were really being serious or not while they were making these jokes...).

But regardless, when they started making remarks about how he could be Katie (??? strange, I know, but I told them to stop doing it), he started tearing up a little. Then my friends started laughing (again, very strange, I don't know why?) and started calling him "faggot" and "queer" (??? I don't know why they were calling him that?). I told them to stop calling James that, and that he wasn't a faggot, and that the jokes weren't a big deal; he would never be Katie anyway, so why would that matter? he started crying even more?

He completely broke down and then ran away from us. That was 3 days ago and he hasn't been responding to my calls or been to school yet. He hasn't even left his house so far and his parents aren't letting me in his room.

I'm quite concerned about him, is his behaviour normal?

Voting Results
11% Normal
Based on 9 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • DIO
    4 years ago

    Tldr

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  • Wellyoudliketoknoweh
    4 years ago

    Oh dear, it sounds like your friend has a lot of insecurities. If you have, u don’t have as much trust in people or yourself, so you cling to the ones that are good to you heavily. Once the parts of you that u don’t feel good about are hit, all those suppressed emotions come back up and u lose yourself, either in tears or other weird outbursts.
    I guess he’s afraid of loosing you and confused himself. I can’t say if he’s in love with ya or if you simply are his only close relation he actually likes.
    I’d say figure out his anxieties first. Do u have a counsellor or something around? Cuz once u talk with him deeply about that stuff, you’re gonna rip everything open and he seems highly unstable. Someone like that isn’t made for change. It’s like somebody made u the perfect present and then destroyed it afterwards

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  • xxLucifer
    4 years ago

    It's a real possibility that your friend is either "in the closet" or confused about their sexuality and has developed feelings for you and doesn't really know how to handle their feelings. It would make sense that he would be extremely uncomfortable in a situation where he is being teased about essentially being in a relationship with you if that is the case.

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