Is it normal for my fiancé to drink alone at night?

28% Normal
8 Comments

My fiancé doesn't understand why his drinking habits concern me, and is convinced that they are considered no more than "casual drinking." I disagree.

He thinks it's perfectly normal and healthy for him to drink at night, alone, often while upset, depressed or stressed out. About 3 or 4 beers several times per week (he's not a big guy,) staying up until crazy hours. He withdraws, ignores me and has fallen asleep on the living room floor in his street clothes. He also gets extremely defensive if I voice my concerns.

I have a 3 year old daughter who lives with me, and I don't feel this behavior is appropriate in a house with children. Maybe for a bachelor, but not for a man who is about to assume the stepfather role. He thinks my comfort level is too extreme (I feel casual drinking means a drink with dinner a few times a week, occasional social outings with friends, as well as anything celebratory... Though I should admit I very rarely have a single drink) and feels that by telling him this is not something I can live with, I'm being controlling.

He concealed his habit from me for the majority of our year-long relationship, which leads me to believe he knew I'd have a problem with it. I don't know any good mothers who would feel comfortable with this around their kids. Am I wrong? Is this normal?

Voting Results
28% Normal
Based on 67 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • red_gal_85
    13 years ago

    your not wrong, If your looking for an honest opinion he sounds like a loser and not good enough to be In you and your daughters life ( he's not a good influence either ) It's only been a year so cut him loose now b4 it gets even harder. I know it sucks but your a mom you need to take care of your daughter not some drunk fool, From what you said you already know what you need to do. It sounds inevitable

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  • Jayemen
    7 years ago

    No, not normal at all. I was married to a raging alcoholic. She'd lie her face off, hide beer cans in drawers and a bottle in the dry cleaning container, take off for 8-10 hours at a time, and still come home to booze it up.

    Anytime I said anything, it got ignored, she'd leave (drunk or not), or, I'd get the yelling "I can't even have a fucking beer in my own house!" argument.

    Get away, now, if you haven't already. I did.

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  • sparrowfeed
    13 years ago

    my bf has a few beers everyday. it was disconcerting to me at first. but love seems to make you blind to these things.

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  • themyk
    13 years ago

    I drink alone. But I don't get drunk alone. I have a few beers at night. It's never normal to get drunk alone.

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  • A-perfect-circle
    13 years ago

    yeah it seems like hes more depressed then a child molestor, and i think its your job as his spouse to try to help him out

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  • hugostiglitz
    13 years ago

    first of all, dude is lying about 3 or 4 beers...you don't wake up on the floor after those. staying up drinking is NOT A PROBLEM, it's his other behaviors/dishonesty that doesn't seem right, at least in my opinion.

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  • sparrowfeed
    13 years ago

    3 or 4 beers is not bad at all.

    alcoholic and child molester? i wouldn't go making those assumptions, especially since the latter very rarely has to do with the former..

    you might want to figure out what's eating him, and instead of being so damned prudish about drinking, try a few drinks just to let him know that you're on the same page. maybe you guys can talk about it.
    if he's concealing it, he shouldn't be.

    i'd imagine you wouldn't want your kids to see that kind of behaviour.

    part of the problem in today's society is people not knowing how to talk to each other calmly. sit down with him and tell him that you care. don't go all ape-shit like most women do.

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  • Echoes
    13 years ago

    He's a typical candidate for an alcoholic and a child molester. Get out honey.

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