Is it normal for my boyfriend to call me a

17% Normal
16 Comments

when me and my bf are fighting, he gets really mad. everytime we fight it gets worse sometimes. he tells me to get the fuck out, sometimes calls me a moron or crazy or retarded.. he never hits me. but i was on his bed and he said to sleep on the couch for calling him a "liar" when previously he mentioned he lied about stuff?! he almost grabbed me to carry me out of the room... idk what to do. i love him and it's usually great with us but he has anger issues

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17% Normal
Based on 12 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    For what it's worth, I concur with the comments by Katerina, Maid, Firsttaste and Rose.

    This really does not sound like a healthy relationship. Even if you feel some inexplicable urge to push his buttons and set him off, the way he behaves is not respectful or loving. Yeah, every couple will have disagreements; only a pair of saints would never get annoyed with each other. But screaming insults in someone's face is not the way mature, emotionally stable people behave in any context.

    Attempting to excuse his behavior by saying "a lot of guys have anger issues" doesn't wash. Even if that's true (and I'm not sure it is), you're not with "a lot of guys"; you're choosing to spend time with and invest emotionally in one particular guy who demeans you.

    You say he's never hit you, as if this makes it all okay. It doesn't. Emotional abuse can be far more insidious and damaging than physical abuse. Bruises, cuts, and even broken bones can heal pretty fast, but it can take years to recover from being in a relationship where someone you care about treats you like shit and persistently runs you down.

    And what will happen if - more likely when - he does hit you? Since you seem determined to look on the bright side and try to minimize his non-physical abuse, it's likely that you'll also try to explain away a fist to your face as just a momentary lapse. Women do this shit all the time, so don't think you're far too sensible to fall into that trap.

    And yes, as far as I'm concerned, what you say indicates to me that you should indeed give up. Don't delude yourself that you're going to heal all his wounds and make a better man of him. That's just not how it works. If RoseIsabella is right, and this guy is indeed 27 years old, the odds are good that the guy you see now is pretty much the guy he'll always be. Yeah, people can change and learn how to deal with challenging situations in a more mature, sensible way, but you'd be a fool to hang all your hopes on him suddenly realizing that he needs to do the work necessary for this to happen.

    As a woman, you're very tuned-in to non-verbal hints and clues, and he has made you feel afraid on at least one occasion. Yes, you've invested time and energy in the relationship and it can be good when he's not going bat-shit crazy, but you have to know in your gut that he's dangerous. Respect that feeling, respect yourself, and say goodbye. Accept no justification, bargaining, or promises of better behavior. Move on.

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  • Firsttaste
    6 years ago

    That's not normal and sounds like it's going to get worse,I also agree with the first comment he has No Respect for you,I think you should be looking for someone that will treat you like a lady,And if you're hanging on with him for Sex that will become an issue shortly.No Man is a man if he treats you like that.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      we love each other, we just have been fighting a lot & have issues we need to work on. a lot of guys have anger issues.. doesnt mean we should give up, right? we've been dating for almost a year too!

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      • Firsttaste
        6 years ago

        I'm not sure you're thinking about the future,Once someone in the relationship becomes Selfish and only cares about them selves it's a issue with no good coming at the end. And one year is enough for you to put up with his BS.He knows that you have no plans on leaving him and he will use that to his advantage. Just think about if you had children with this guy.???

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          what would happen if i had children with this guy?

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          • Firsttaste
            6 years ago

            I really Hope you consider the situation your in now with this guy,I would strongly suggest that you avoid having a child with him, It sounds to me like he's a very insecure individual and I personally see no future with him. Please think about how he makes you feel Well he would treat the child the same way, He must feel that he has all the control.

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  • Katerina
    6 years ago

    Be careful, he sounds dangerous. How long have you been dating and have you ever been afraid of him? It sounds as if he doesn't respect you, which is a really bad thing. All couples fight sometimes and say things they don't mean and can even lost their tempers, but it's very important to learn early on in a relationship how to deal with conflict in a constructive manner

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    • Maid_in_Pink
      6 years ago

      I agree with Katerina, if you truly want this relationship to work out you need to sit down as a couple and talk about how you're fighting. If he starts a fight over a conversation about how to stop the fighting then he's never going to get better without real help. At that point you need to decide if you want to try and go with him and be there for him while you do counseling or if you want to move on.

      AND

      DO NOT linger around, don't go back to him three and four times over the, "i'll do better" or "we can work this out" bologna that people do. IF he doesn't want to talk and resolve the problem the first time around he wont want to do it the 2nd or 3rd time around, or even worse...he'll lie about it and bottle it up until he snaps and then you might have avoided three small fights but you'll get one horrendous fight in return.

      All of that is so emotionally draining and you're left with not much time to actually love each other.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      we've been dating for 10 months... i stay with him 5 days out of the week pretty much too.. i've been afraid sometimes when he gets close to my face and screams but he's never hit me ever. only time he's touched me was when i was on his bed and he almost took me to get me off of it and put me on his couch... when he was mad. we're learning that when he gets mad at me for whatever reason, i need to leave the room no questions asked.. isn't that healthy

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      • Katerina
        6 years ago

        Nope, not at all. He sounds selfish, immature and violent. I also stick with my comment saying it doesn't sound as if he respects you. This type of aggression in a relationship is not normal

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          I feel as if it's normal that he gets mad and called me things because I know him he's a dick and I verbally tell him that he's a dick

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          • Katerina
            6 years ago

            But why do you settle for that? Are you fine with him being a dick? You don't have to stay with him, you know

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  • Memer666
    6 years ago

    That's verbal abuse. Dump him immediately.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    You're that 18 year girl who's dating the spoiled 27 year old loser, huh?

    People with serious anger issues are mentally weak and a real waste of time. I can't really tell you what to do, because you will probably do whatever you want, but this guy is bad for you and he is a waste of your time and emotion.

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